SweatyHands

Well, I drank quite a bit. By the end I was up to a 1.75 liter bottle of vodka and 6-15 pints of high alcohol beer a day. I had lost all capacity to eat or sleep. The important thing is that that ridiculous amount of alcohol consumption came not all that long after I had rationalized my drinking to myself and was convinced that I drank more than most, but I was in control. My main trip was the illusion that I was completely out of control but still in control. Really, I hadn't been in control for 20+ years. From the very first time I spent a whole night trying to find someone to buy beer for me in high school to the last drink I had to keep me out of withdrawals on the way to detox, I was never in control. The allure of the next drink kept me enslaved until the day that I finally decided that there would be no more drinks. And for the record, I thought that what I drank wasn't "that bad" until the 3rd or 4th seizure. So good luck, and keep in mind the old cliche: "If you think you may have a drinking problem, you probably do."

anewpage

I've been warned not to fall into the trap of comparing what you drink to other problem drinkers. Different amounts affect people differently, and besides, if alcohol is ruining your life in any way, what difference does it make how much you've consumed?
But I understand your wanting to know where you stand amongst other alcoholics. I've been curious too.
As for myself, I would start drinking vodka in the morning right after I'd had coffee, and drink steadily throughout the day, usually resulting in my being very drunk by dinner time. On my worst days I had blackouts or panic attacks by the evening. I would self mutilate. I've pissed my pants in front of people. Thrown up at someone else's baby shower. Attended church and Bible studies drunk and spent the whole time trying to act normal. Gone to parent-teacher conferences drunk out of my mind and hoped the teacher couldn't tell (and she probably could) . I'm fortunate I never got a DUI. God knows I deserved one a few times.

gardendiva

1.5 - 2 bottles of wine or 6-10 beers per day. If vodka, I lost count. Hangovers and blackouts were more common than not. Glad you're here.

Ruby2

I don't think you offended anyone in what you asked. One of the things I was taught was to look for the commonalities and not the differences. I think that is what people are trying to say when they discourage listing amounts consumed and how often. If we compare our drinking to that of other people and we come out "better" than the other person, we are giving ourselves permission to continue drinking because we "aren't that bad" because we've never been arrested, lost a job, home, blacked out, whatever.

What we all have in common is that alcohol was having an increasingly negative impact on our quality of life. once I started, I could not stop. I obsessed about when I would have that next drink. I carefully planned and orchestrated buying alcohol so that I would always have it around and not run out. So although I never lost my job and never was arrested I am still as much a slave to alcohol as to the bum we picture living under a bridge. Neither of us draws a sober breath very often.

It is uncomfortable to talk to medical people at first but I found thT once I made the plunge I felt very liberated. It got easier. I don't know about you but it was kind of like when I had my children. I was so used to strangers seeing bits of my body that I had always kept hidden that a whole army could have marched in my hospital room while I was naked and I wouldn't have batted an eye. Keep coming here and doing what you are doing for support. It gets better.

ReadyAndAble

Yes, this! Peel away all the layers—all the particulars of when I started to drink, how much I started to drink, what form of alcohol I took—and that's what it comes down to. That's why I'm an alcoholic. There's really no need to look any further, is there?

And yes, like you said, one drink was never enough. One drink was a tease. The whole concept of "relaxing with a drink" is a fantasy in my case. If I could do it, and enjoy it, I would have long ago. But I hate having just one; it only stokes the fires of obsession.

So I'm damned if I stop, damned if I don't. The only way out was to never start in the first place. Amazing how long it took me to figure that out, lol...

The good news? I don't miss it. At first I did, there was definitely an adjustment period. I would hear the siren song many times a day. But it fades, day by day. And gratitude settles in. Life is so much less stressful now, good times are more enjoyable, bad times are more manageable. I imagined life without alcohol would be so bleak and tedious, but as it turns out, that fear was just part of the addiction. Life is better this way. I feel better about myself than I have in years. Ice teas are incredibly refreshing. Who knew?

I can hear your determination in your posts. Good for you. Keep up the good work, and if any doubts creep in, just think about this:

Have you ever heard one person say they regretted quitting?

You won't either!

Marcher13

Needinghelp, I think maybe you are looking for what I was looking for in the beginning, a bit of confirmation that things could be worse. And they could. The good thing is that you've realised you are on the downhill spiral, I couldn't stop at one and I had moments when I was unsure about conversations and other events. Could it have been worse? Heck yeah and heaps of people drank more than me but the main thing was I was drinking more than was good for me and it was affecting my physical, mental and emotional health.

A standard drink a day is considered moderate drinking for women and that standard drink is 5 ounces or 150ml. Have you ever measured that against what you are actually drinking? If you fill a wine glass you may have a lot more than that in one drink. I not only drank several glasses a day I drank several very full glasses, sometimes to the point of overflowing.

Good on you for your determination, you are going to love sobriety.

Needinghelp82

Thank you all.

I've woken up on day two. Mild shakes but overall I'm just feeling good to have woken up without a hangover.

My drinking has been steadily increasing and would have continued if I'd not made the decision to come back here. It is helping me stay focused, especially as it was tough sleeping last night (wine would have been so easy to help but resisted/no booze in the house.)

I know I've been drinking way to much and wish I'd not got to this stage. The main thing is I'm trying now.

Here's to day 2!

Spinach

You've got it , it started to increase and it does exponentially .
I stopped a few years ago after years of wanting to, it wasn't easy but time is the answer and being honest about the consequences of picking up.
Keep on here and good luck with the transition to another way of living and one that you will find starts to colour your life in such a deeper way than any empty bottle could.
John.
Ps its really helpful to have your GP on your side even though labelling doesn't often help,

Needinghelp82

Thank you.

I'm having a hair cut today and going for a facial, something this time last week I couldn't have done as I was feeling so rough.

Hubby and I are then going to have a BBQ with no alcohol (he's going to get alcohol free beer, I'm going to have juice again).

I'm going somewhere on Monday to start out patient detox/talking therapy. GP managed to rush it through and had a voicemail I'd missed.

Almost lunch time on day two. Small steps.

Marcher13

Needinghelp just a little suggestion: I found a non-alcoholic drink I love, it's San Pellegrino Chinnoto which is an adult citrus drink. Have a look around and find something besides juice that you may enjoy. I like bubbles and ice in my chinnoto not to fantasise but to feel festive.