christimc

When i think about how many times i chose the bottle over my husband it disgusts me. There was a time when i had a really bad day and he was ready to make me tea and rub my back and watch movies.....and i chose to sit on the opposite couch and get wasted and then carry my bottle to bed and watch my iPad instead of cuddle. I bet he felt so alone. I did this for about 2 years. I feel so guilty. Anyone else do this to their spouse and how do u make up for that?

Starshines

I haven't been in your shoes but I have been in those of your spouse. I won't lie, it's frustrating wanting to be there for you and help you through things only to be shut out. I've learned over the years that booze was my husband's best friend. Not me, and not the friends we hung out with. It's been less than a week since my husband stopped drinking (his first real attempt in 10+ years) and I can't even even describe to you how nice it is to feel like I'm becoming the best friend again. I can't tell you what to do going forward but by admitting you feel guilty, that's a big first step and I'm happy you're realizing that. Your husband loves and cares about you obviously. Sometimes I'm sure he'd like to hear that you feel the same way.

Chicagoan

By staying sober Chddristi. I understand your remorse
because I have much of it myself. When we were
drinking, we didn't give a damn about anything
other than our drinking. Let him know
about your feelings, It will help.

Nonsensical

I could be a real jackass when I was drunk -especially if she started questioning or complaining about it. I'd defend my drinking by going on the attack about any fault of hers I could think of.

For better or worse...

Time for some betters.

iSPAZ

Christimc - Please do not take this wrong or think I am trying to make you feel worse than you already do. I was the husband. I would ask to spend time with my then wife and give her attention but she would do the wine and ipad. It went on for the last 5 years of of our marriage. I remember thinking how lonely I was yet was just a few feet away from the person I loved. I knew she was struggling and it hurt me to see her hurt. It still does but I watch it now from a distance. You can not change the past and beating yourself up will just make you feel worse. Tell him your thoughts and how you recognized how it must have impacted him. I am sure he is seeing the changes in you but probably does not know how difficult this struggle really is for you. A passing hug, acknowledgment of some of his positive attributes, or maybe a note expressing your feelings for him will go a long way. Most people are so forgiving when they see changes especially when it is someone they truly love. Your so lucky to be finding your way out of the fog.