Sunflower92663

I am bringing up the subject because sobriety is hard as we all know. The things that have made me relapse in the past aren't the same things that would make me think of drinking now. For example, I quit for months after my husband overdosed and died on prescription meds and alcohol. I didn't quit right away though even though I saw the truth staring me straight in the eye. I went on a 40 day bender and got sick and tired of feeling guilty and hungover and made myself go to rehab at Kaiser. I was sober for 100 days. My trigger back then was where I worked everyone went out drinking. I refrained for awhile and then decided what the hell, it was a social trigger of feeling left out. Fast forward to today. I quit for a month late January to Late February, and this time it was stress from working two jobs 6 days a week for 10-12 hours a day. I moderated and only allowed myself to drink Saturday nights. So I could recover on Sundays. That didn't last long soon it was every other day after my seasonal jobs were finished. I guess now I find myself struggling with boredom as a trigger. So any thoughts on how to adapt to different stages of life and have a plan to keep your sobriety in tact? I love a sober life but sometimes the escape of alcohol and killing time seems appealing. I'm not an AA person, I have tried it and it's not for me. I'm more into Rational Recovery. I am just struggling with how to stay sober when I'm so damn bored. And as a side note, I sprained my back and can't work right now so that's why I can't run out and get a job. Just wondering how to strengthen my self resolve because I am feeling week right now?

Nonsensical

Not to sound glib, but you have a plan by making a plan. You will be asked out by co-workers again. You will experience feeling left out again. There will be more Saturday nights - 1 a week, most likely

Plan what you will do.

I strengthen my resolve by empowering the part of my brain that desires sobriety. For me this involves positive thinking, goal accomplishment, staying healthy, education, and nutrition.

Best of Luck on Your Journey!

Mentium

I think the answer is simple. Addiction. I know that sounds glib, but all the analysis in the world won't get us past that. I know as a 'multiple quitter' (currently sober since last Sunday.

My own experience is that I can't stop for more than a week or two on my own and though I don't agree with quite a lot of the ideas in AA there seem to be enough I do manage to fit with that it is worth going (for me). I recently had the best part of six months sober attending meetings regularly. I also have some good friendships through AA.

I'm not recommending it as such, but if peer support might make a difference it has that in spades. I should add that if there was a secular alternative locally I would attend that. Perhaps I should also add that AA in the UK is pretty secular in many ways to begin with.

360shoes

Hi Sunflower,
I like your name. Just typing it made me smile.

Just me but those very things told me that I needed how to learn how to unbore or unstress myself. Not at first but eventually that's what they became. Lessons on what I needed to work on. Obviously I didn't know how to do those things on my own because I think most people have all those feelings...they just know how to comfort or pull themselves out of it without turning to drinking. Which is what I always did so it made sense to me that was what my natural reaction would be. Until I learned different.

I think that's why it feels uncomfortable at first. After quitting, I was left with now what? How do I handle these feelings?

I think that's where my true strength comes from. And me being the real me. I learned and am learning how to value myself. I do know how to comfort myself. That feels really good now.

I get bored and I get stressed and I've had some not very pleasant things happen too. Just like most people. I now just know there is an alternative to shutting those feelings down. I feel them. I'm not scared to feel them. It doesn't mean I'm weak or not capable. It just means I'm human.

I'm so sorry you lost your husband. That must have been awful.

Don't give up. Try looking at those triggers as just life's way of showing you what it is you really need to work on. They don't seem so negative then. Eventually, I think they can become your natural instincts that you learn to trust when you really strip it past the "I need a drink" part.

Hang in there. You can do it!

Croissant

Hi Sunflower. Firstly, so very sorry to hear of your husbands passing in such tragic circumstances. The pain of that must be hard in itself.

Not sure if this is helpful, but I've recently read how it's not just the triggers themselves, but on a deeper level, we relapse due to lack of life skills in coping with different things. The only way we can put alcohol out of the picture is to develop skills to deal with stress, disappointment etc.

I've also been reading the book The Heart of Addiction which was suggested by another person here. It talks to the part of us that sees alcohol as an option when we feel powerless....and the pleasure we seek is often the relief of having alcohol as an option.

All I can say is that don't be disheartened. I've found my own journey a surprise learning it's not just stopping alcohol, but recreating everything all over again. Developing new ways to deal with life's problems. Being honest about my own shortcomings has been hard too.

Thank you for posting and being honest about what a struggle it's been. But commend yourself for still wanting this and asking for help.

Be Well.

yeahgr8

Untreated Alcoholism is the general reason most are triggered to drink.

Sunflower92663

Yeahgr8 is alcoholism treatable? And what is your definition of treatment? I believe it's support and coming to terms with how to deal with a sober life. Which is why I created this post. Your blanket statement had no relevance what so ever to this post. Thank you to the others, for your kind and caring thoughts. I sincerely appreciate them. I sometimes feel like is it about counting days since you had a drink or is it the days that you have been sober and lived a better life? I guess to each their own on how you want to judge your progress. In the beginning, as I know a lot of is on this forum have dealt with, it's days for accomplishment and then people get down for relapsing, sometimes I feel maybe progress should be judged on sober time all together. Any thoughts on that? I just feel better sober. Heart and soul. I don't think if it's been 100 days and you drink, it's all over. It's about learning what caused it and figuring out better ways to deal with it the next time. 100 days of sobriety is just that, you have learned coping skills for dealing with triggers in life. It's always going to be a learning experience whether your on day 5 or day 5500.

Mentium

Seems to me what most of us want to to be sober - PLUS - big plus - happy and content with life. So we quit, feel a lot better after a while and then maybe not as happy and content as we would like. Then the addiction makes us feel that we would be happier and more content if we took a drink after a while. The nature of addiction I guess. Round and round.

The trick - and I have not so far found it, though I am trying hard - it seems to me is to break that cycle once and for all.

Sunflower92663

Mentium, I agree. It's an ongoing struggle and does anyone ever find the trick? Probably not, I think as possibly some with many years of sobriety it gets easier but complacency is not something to fool with. I have found that to be true in my struggles. Because your AV, can talk you out of it very fast if your feeling solid and secure. The nature of the beast I guess?

Mentium

I think some people do find the 'trick'. I have certainly met a few at AA. However not all that many do sorry to say. Alcohol kills an awful lot of people.

Sunflower92663

Very true it has killed most of the people I have loved in my life.

Flying4Life

I find that for me the key to dealing with triggers and cravings is my commitment to not drink. For me that acts as a foundation and forces me to seek out alternative actions and sometimes that means just accepting the pain I am feeling (grief is a big trigger for me). Other times when the trigger is boredom and loneliness I tend to use the distraction technique of just doing something else for awhile. I also use SR every day reading and sharing, that makes me feel connected to a sober community and that helps to strengthen my own resolve.