I feel really old
Guest
Join Date: May 2014
Location: New York, New York
Posts: 56
I feel the same way at 29. I think it's because I've been drinking so long I've been through a lot. I hope sobriety and being healthy again will change that. Dating sober will be interesting too. I always had wine as a crutch.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
I hear ya, Tetra. I'm 39 and single myself, I often wonder if there's hope....but we all know that's balderdash! We are mature, we've seen our share of ups and downs and have overcome challenges that most people haven't! I personally wouldn't want to date a woman younger than 28 myself - I am interested in someone who is familiar with "real life" and knows this isn't a fairy tale. Makes things more interesting! I'm sure you'll meet someone when you're ready. And remember, it's not a race. You are just starting to get comfortable in your own skin. The dates will be there when you're ready, don't rush it! Plenty of time!
Sober since October
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
Hi, Tetra)
First, congrats on 6 months sober!
I understand how you feel. And I'd like to thank you for starting this thread. If you don't mind, I 'll share my own story here.
In less than a week, on May 14, I am turning 37 years old, and 19 months sober.
And it doesn't even bother me much that I am a recovering wino. Rather that I am recovering from my "hide from life" addiction.
When I let my mind do this, I start really freaking out about this - 37! Single, never been married, and my last relationships ended about 6 years ago.
Though I am growing more and more independent from other people's opinion, I think, "oblique society pressure" is still freaking me out a lot. IMHO, though we are far away from medieval age, society still holds a lot of its heritage, and our value in the dating-marriage market is deteriorating with every year, and after 30, with every day. Let alone "biological clock ticking" business.
I remember in one of Sex and the City episodes there was a woman who said something like "I am 37. And I do realize that chances are high I would never get married. But I don't want other people to disillusion me".
I think I feel pretty much the same. Or I just reject to be dictated what to do about my life. Probably both.
And when I think about stepping out our my single shell what really bothers me, that I will be asked "Why did you get married. Why were you alone? Who are your parents?
I am afraid and "ahead of the game" sick of the mere thought of being judged again by "not being normal". And will be punished and humiliated for this again. Something I've been exposed to all my life. I couldn't help it when I was a child. But now it's my choice. Finally.
I am not sure when, if ever, I will feel ok saying to my would be date:
"Hi. I am MB. I am 37 years old. Single. Never married. Why? Probably, because I've always felt more comfortable being alone. And I had a lot of wounds to heal, and a lot of issues to sort out in my own life before sharing it with someone else. I didn't want to look for a "fix" for my life in another person, because it never works.
It was not before this year I finally gained freedom from my past, and got a chance to start my own real life. And finally got my own place to live. And I still do need a lot of my own space.
I don't have stable income.
I still don't "hear" my maternal instinct, and I am not "melting" when I see a baby. I am more thrilled about choosing my new fitness outfit of a boxing helmet, than new curtains for my kitchen. I can outperform lots of guys in my gym, and have no idea what's in the fashion trend right now.
I have a temper.
I often live in my own world and when I am "carried away" by my writing project, I can starve you to death. And at the same time I am healthy eating freak, and read all the labels on the food, and always cook my own food, even candies. So, I will be bugging you all the way for eating mayo or potato chips. But don't you dare to bug me about not being "housewife enough".
I have trust issues and very cautious about opening up, because I am afraid being hurt. I like watching stars and sunrise, and hate being told that it is too "cheesy" romantic..."
Probably, at this point the reaction of most of my dates would be like this
. But it's ok.
Tetra, I think you are in the great age right now - young, but wise enough already to have at least some understanding who you are, and what you want from your life.
Sending virtual hugs to you)
Everything gonna be fine while you have faith in yourself.
First, congrats on 6 months sober!
I understand how you feel. And I'd like to thank you for starting this thread. If you don't mind, I 'll share my own story here.
In less than a week, on May 14, I am turning 37 years old, and 19 months sober.
And it doesn't even bother me much that I am a recovering wino. Rather that I am recovering from my "hide from life" addiction.
When I let my mind do this, I start really freaking out about this - 37! Single, never been married, and my last relationships ended about 6 years ago.
Though I am growing more and more independent from other people's opinion, I think, "oblique society pressure" is still freaking me out a lot. IMHO, though we are far away from medieval age, society still holds a lot of its heritage, and our value in the dating-marriage market is deteriorating with every year, and after 30, with every day. Let alone "biological clock ticking" business.
I remember in one of Sex and the City episodes there was a woman who said something like "I am 37. And I do realize that chances are high I would never get married. But I don't want other people to disillusion me".
I think I feel pretty much the same. Or I just reject to be dictated what to do about my life. Probably both.
And when I think about stepping out our my single shell what really bothers me, that I will be asked "Why did you get married. Why were you alone? Who are your parents?
I am afraid and "ahead of the game" sick of the mere thought of being judged again by "not being normal". And will be punished and humiliated for this again. Something I've been exposed to all my life. I couldn't help it when I was a child. But now it's my choice. Finally.
I am not sure when, if ever, I will feel ok saying to my would be date:
"Hi. I am MB. I am 37 years old. Single. Never married. Why? Probably, because I've always felt more comfortable being alone. And I had a lot of wounds to heal, and a lot of issues to sort out in my own life before sharing it with someone else. I didn't want to look for a "fix" for my life in another person, because it never works.
It was not before this year I finally gained freedom from my past, and got a chance to start my own real life. And finally got my own place to live. And I still do need a lot of my own space.
I don't have stable income.
I still don't "hear" my maternal instinct, and I am not "melting" when I see a baby. I am more thrilled about choosing my new fitness outfit of a boxing helmet, than new curtains for my kitchen. I can outperform lots of guys in my gym, and have no idea what's in the fashion trend right now.
I have a temper.
I often live in my own world and when I am "carried away" by my writing project, I can starve you to death. And at the same time I am healthy eating freak, and read all the labels on the food, and always cook my own food, even candies. So, I will be bugging you all the way for eating mayo or potato chips. But don't you dare to bug me about not being "housewife enough".
I have trust issues and very cautious about opening up, because I am afraid being hurt. I like watching stars and sunrise, and hate being told that it is too "cheesy" romantic..."
Probably, at this point the reaction of most of my dates would be like this
. But it's ok.Tetra, I think you are in the great age right now - young, but wise enough already to have at least some understanding who you are, and what you want from your life.
Sending virtual hugs to you)
Everything gonna be fine while you have faith in yourself.
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