I feel really old
 

I am 33 years old and over 6 months sober. I live with my parents.

I admit that I don't get out much. If I am going out I usually meet friends for coffee. I don't go to pubs or clubs, but truthfully I never enjoyed them anyway.

Well, I did go into a pub once a few weeks ago. I was in town and I really needed to use the bathroom. I ran in and out of the nearest pub. I didn't feel any urge to leap over the counter and start pouring drinks.

I met an old friend of mine today. I hadn't seen him for ages and he was complaining about his lack of a love life. He's 28.

He told me he was at a nightclub last weekend and He met this girl and he thought she was very cute. He also thought she was about 20. And he said "she started dancing with me. We danced so much. She was hugging me. She was grinding against me. Even touched me a few times. Then I asked her how old she is?...She told me that she is 16!! I was like wtf. She was way too young but she wanted me to **** her. So I made an excuse and she got very pissed off. But she was cute. And she will turn up at the nightclub next week in her little skirt and she'll meet some pervert who won't say no"...
We both agreed it's sad...and way too young.

But I started thinking that he has choices. He can do what he wants, when he wants. I mean I do not want to date or have a relationship now, but it is something I would like to keep in mind for the future maybe. But I wonder how many men would date a 33 year old, recovering alcoholic?

You have choices too, I would argue that you actually have more choices than he does by being sober. There are a lot of things that you cannot do drunk ( drive, think clearly, make good decisions, etc.)

Tetra

I must admit I was amused by this. But then again, I am always amused when I hear young folks say they are old. Goodness me, wait until you are old before saying that :) Anyway, I also felt the same way when I turned 30 (which was eons ago). It is only now, decades later, that I realise how silly that thought is. I am as fit and healthy now as I was in my 30s and I still act like the fool every now and then ;)

Tetra, be patient and the right person will come along. I am confident that you are a strong person who does not need anyone to complete you :)

Oh and to make you feel better. My friend who is very successful, handsome, has a high paying job and is almost 50 moved out of his parent's home...3 years ago !

This sure made ME feel better...lol

Plenty of men would! At 33 you are in the prime of your life and sober to boot! I'm much older than you and considering romance again. However, I certainly wouldn't tell anyone on a first date that I am in recovery unless I know they are too. They are many reasons for why someone isn't drinking alcohol.

It seems to me that you can do what you want and when you want as well. And believe me...you have plenty of time as well.

Hi Tetra, if you can, get out and do non-pickup type activities which is when you tend to meet great people who are worth knowing. It expands your social circle and the more people you meet the better your chances. Trying to think of Irish type activities......bowling balls down roads, Irish football, Irish dancing, you may have to work out the rest yourself!

I wouldn't get too fixed on what sort of candidate you are. If you work on your sobriety and getting out there, other things will fall into place.

Hi tetra. It can be done and when the time is right, you will know it. I moved back in with my parents when I was 31 or so. I bought a house of my own not too far from them when I was 36. Decided after being confronted at work about smelling of alcohol that I needed to get sober and went to outpatient treatment where I met my husband. Not a road I would recommend for finding a partner but I can't change that and wouldn't at this point even though we have had a very rocky road at times as we took turns relapsing and sobering up. It is best to get the sobriety well under way before adding someone to your life.

Anyway, I was 40 when we married and we now have two children, an eight year old boy and a 5.5 year old girl. I will be fifty in November. My husband is ten years younger than me. I never ever thought I would have children. I never thought I would marry again. I had a short lived marriage straight out of college and thought I would be single ever after that. So, believe me, You have time. I know when I was 33 I didn't feel that it was young but it is. Really. There is a whole world of people out there. When you decide you are ready keep yourself open to people you might not necessarily have dated before. And it will come without forcing. You always sound like such a lovely thoughtful person in your posts. That is such a blessing.

I also just thought of something that makes me want to cringe in embarrassment but shows the skewed perspective of age we have when we are younger. When I was about 22 I told a woman that she looked good for her age. She was 27.

I think there is something about reaching the milestone of 30 yrs old, it's when society tells us, we're not young teenagers anymore, we should be all responsible and carving out a life with a career/family etc, and so that creates added pressure when some in there mid twenties already have 4 kids, married with a mortgage.

Though as some have already mentioned it's all a matter of prespective, 30 is young to those that are older, but then again I remember posting a few weeks back to a 21 year old who needed support, and that made me feel an age gap, but it was a good feeling as I had a few more years of life experience to provide some support from.

Life happens at different times, for different people, my cousin got married the other week at 36, my sister gets married this June at 34, and my mom just recently starting seeing a new partner at 62, there's always hope!! :)

I would date you Tetra! haha. As a 37 yr old recovering alcoholic who is also single and recently sober, I too question my appeal in the dating world. I tried internet dating for a while, but it just isn't compatible with being a non-drinker. I got way too much baggage that forces me to lie to their faces in the initial dating stages.

Wow, we have sobriety, not leprosy!

Be thankful that when it is time for a relationship your standards will be on point and you won't be settling!

Forget whether it's YOU that are marketable, it's THEM now who are going to have to make the grade. Where before it was easy to pour that fuel down your throat and find whoever looks good to talk to that's all going to change.

For perhaps the first time in your life your choices and decisions as to who you decide to date are going to be valid. An actual healthy relationship, imagine that!

It's like you're putting a stamp on your forehead that says "Recovering Alcoholic" and you're focusing on your PRIOR shortcomings. Sobriety opens up a whole new world of goodness now that was not available to you before.

Be grateful for that. No longer is the worry as to who will have you, it's the question as to whether you will have THEM! That and the fact that whoever that ends up being, you made the choice for the right reasons. :)

We are sober now and we deserve better! Sobriety is not a downfall in the dating scene, it's a benefit. Is the pool smaller? Sure, but what's in that pool has far more quality than we ever had access to before. Anyone worth the time is worth the search.

You DESERVE that.

Am afterthought. What kind of a person would not date someone because they don't drink? What does that say about them?

Get busy outside of your home. These things happen when you least expect it but it helps to have some exposure. I thought I was old at 36, stuck in an unhappy marriage . That can make you feel old fast. Now I'm 55, happy, loved, and sober, and more active than I've ever been. You have a lot of life to live yet and can give it your all now that you are sober.

Being a 34 year old male myself.. I don't think I would have any issues at all about dating a recovering alcoholic. I think it is something that builds great character.. it's a tough road as everyone knows, but I completely believe it makes you stronger and builds character. Just my opinion.

Hi Tetra -
I would like to hang out with you sometime;) I do have some of the same feelings as you. Im a 40 yr old guy with only a little sobriety (just shy of two months) and I wonder how I will date or even just make friends outside of aa. It's so frustrating that most social events are centered around alcohol or take place in bars.
Plus who would be interested in me? I've spent most of my life pushing people away because of my addiction. I'm just not used to relating to people in an honest way.
Of course aa tells me to not even worry about relationships at this point and that's probably right. Still when you remove the alcohol the feelings of loneliness rush in and I do feel empty.
I guess time is the best healer but it's so hard to be patient - we so love the instant fix as alcoholics!
You're further down the path than me, but I just wanted to say that your post struck a chord with me so thanks

Tetra,
I dated many 33 year old drunks back when I was in my 30's. If I'd have found someone that was recovering I may not have gotten so bad myself.

In my experience all it takes to get a date are boobs and a pulse.

Tetra: You choose to tell who you want to tell about your situation. If you don't feel
comfortable telling a person you just met, I wouldn't. It would be like me telling a

person that I have just met that I can't go by bright light because I just had Lasik done

to my eyes I wouldn't say anything until I was put into a situation of bright light. Even
then, I could just look away :)
In this day and age we as woman have choices. We choose the restraint, we choose the evening and time, we can choose our choice of beverage. Good luck!!!

That was supposed to be resteraunt ( my spelling is terrible)

It took me a long time many years to realise that actual years alive is not what its about but my attitude to myself and to life.

At 62 I can start to pack up and give in or I can honour myself my body and my life and do the things I want to whilst acknowldging all the emotions, feeling them fully and then letting them go.

Life is rich if I want it to be.