Aleeg

My husband started taking suboxone about 8 years ago after a 5 year vicodin addiction. In the last two years, he's tried to ween off a number of times, but each time has resulted in failure. The withdrawal symptoms always win. In the title, I say that I'm married to a suboxone addict. My husband, on the other hand, is married to suboxone. There is no amount of love for me or his two children that can compare to his devotion to suboxone. I honestly never know what 'version' of him I will find in the morning - he's either in a great mood, cooking/cleaning, or he's laying down with 'severe' back pain (which always seems to accompany running out of suboxone). It's been so many years of this. To say I'm sick of it is an understatement. I don't remember the person I loved and married 23 years ago...frankly, most of the time I hate him. I think that if he was forced between pushing his family over a cliff or his suboxone doctor, his doctor would totally win. So...I'm not sure what I'm looking for here. I find that I'm crying. A lot. I don't know that it's possible for someone to get better after suboxone. I've done a fair amount of research and I've found a lot of info on people who are struggling. But no 'success stories' to give me hope for my family.

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

I'm really sorry for your situation.

I think others with relevant experience will be along to offer advice.

Have you considered AlAnon or NarAnon as a support for you?

Aleeg

Thank you, Anna. You know...I have thought about AA/NA. My husband goes to meetings every now again. But I haven't done more than think about it, honestly. I'm usually pretty decisive, but I really feel paralyzed at this point.

Upward2Enlightenment

Welcome Aleeg, you may want to check out the Friends and Family area and the Drug Addiction area here. I bet he could get clean but he has to really want to and it will be hard and painful. Sorry for what you are going through, I put my family through a similar situation with my oxycodone addiction.

Good luck.

OpioPhobe

Aleeg - does his doctor know that he is running out early? Maybe the doctor could adjust his dose. Did his doctor monitor the weaning process over the past two years?

Aleeg

Thank you, Carlotta - I'm new to this site, so still figuring out navigation. I will find the Friends & Family section. I'm sure there's ton of helpful info.

OpioPhobe, yes, his doctor is aware. I feel like he's a drug dealer in a lab coat. My husband gets his hand slapped and a stern talking to, but keeps coming back like Pavlov's dog.

Dee74

Hi Aleeg

Like Anna said I know you'll find support here and in the Family and Friends area too.

Have you told your husband how you feel at all?
D

OpioPhobe

Does your husband want to quit? Why did he try so many times over the past two years? Were those attempts his idea?

Also, has he considered a methadone clinic? They could give a single, daily dose so there wouldn't be any running out early. There are obviously a lot of other factors to consider too.

Upward2Enlightenment

When you are on the main forums page just keep scrolling down past Newcomers to Recovery.

Notimetoloose

There are definitely success stories out there...the lack of them I assume is because they have moved on to their lives.
I have never been on suboxone but I believe the withdrawal from it is usually done with a taper program worked out between the the user and the suboxone doctor.
You sound like you are at a breaking point and I can't recommend enough getting support for yourself and your children.

Aleeg

Notinmetoloose...thank you. I'm going to believe there are success stories. Maybe I just needed to hear that they exist. And I do feel like I'm breaking, but I have a little one at home, so I don't have that luxury. She adores her dad, and I want so much to protect her little heart from the pain of her dad moving out.

Opiophobe, all of his attempts were his idea. I've believed from the very beginning that he needs to drive his sobriety. He comes from a family of addicts. His mother was/is also addicted to pain killers, and he's very close to her. His sister is addicted to something - crack maybe - and is pretty much transient. There have always been really good excuses for his relapses - pain (real or imagined, who knows), the fear of going through withdrawal while he's working.

Dee74, omg, I've told him how I feel for many years. I've believed in him, rooted for him, trusted that he would make this better. He used to be so handsome and strong and funny. I don't see that anymore in him. I look at pictures and think, 'what happened to you?'

OpioPhobe

I can't think of a single time that I gave up in withdrawal where I didn't have a "good excuse" in my head to do so. That made giving up much more palatable instead of seeing it for what it was.

If you take a look at the suboxone / methadone forum (directly below the substance abuse forum) you can see other's experiences getting off the subs. There are some folks that did it.

Has he tried inpatient detox / rehab?

Aleeg

OpioPhobe, he did 28 days of inpatient rehab in 2003-2004 maybe? Dear lord it's been a long time...