BrendonM

One of the big shot professors in my faculty bought me a beer. Everyone was watching so I just thanked him and drank it. I'm in a position where saying that I am an alcoholic could damage my career. Normally I would have run to the liquor store and bought an 1140 of vodka. I didn't this time, but I still feel the urge. I know I am technically back to day 1, but I consider the use of willpower to avoid doing something stupid a success. I did what I have never done before, which is tell myself that enough is enough.

Has anyone else compromised their rules for social reasons? How do you reconcile that witrh your rules about no drinking?

Marcher13

I say straight out that I am not drinking because I feel better without it. You don't have to say you are alcoholic Brendon but it's a good idea to let people know that you are not drinking.

Dee74

I got into a position where never saying no to a beer cost me two careers.
There's no need to give an essay.

Just a simple no thanks I don't drink. If that harms your career then you need to find another one, cos judging by your posts here drinking will ruin you as it ruined me.

I'm not setting out to be harsh. Just honest.

You're trying to convince yourself into a fantasy where you can have the odd beer.

I appreciate this didn't lead to more drinking this time - good for you...

but look back at your past Brendon - do you really think this newfound willpower is sustainable?

D

doggonecarl

All my relapses were compromises of my decision to quit. And I always justified them, for one reason or another. Until I accepted that the only reason I ever relapsed was the addiction that still controlled me.

flutter

Well, I suppose being an active alcoholic could also damage your career. Starting fresh, know that you don't need to tell a story beyond "I don't drink". I've said that many many times in many different situations and never once been asked why.

Gibbons2

Brendon, you don't have to say you are an alcoholic to refuse a drink. Although to us alkies it may seem like no one would ever refuse, that just isn't true. A lot of "normal" people don't drink because they don't want to, out of religious reasons, etc. Just say no thanks, I'm trying to cut down, I have a cold, it interferes with the medication I am taking, (whatever).

I agree with Dee: You're trying to convince yourself into a fantasy where you can have the odd beer.

If you are an alcoholic, you know that "just one," will lead to 10, 20, 30, how many? It certainly will at some point for me, always has.

Tang

I have done what you did. I may stop at one that one time, but then there is a next time and pretty soon I'm back where I was. The gravity and velocity are back where I was in terms of consumption. It's a slippery slope.

least

Just say "I don't drink". You don't need to go into detail. Just a firm "no thanks" will do.

BrendonM

That is true, when I drank the beer I heard the voice telling me that moderation was a possibility. I drank one beer and went to sleep, now I am trying to tell myself that a normal lifestyle is possible. I know that this friday was a stroke of luck, but I just can;t bring myself to tell everyone I don't drink. I live in drinking culture, it is the only way to socialize. I want to find a way to not otricize myself but also not drink. When you work with a bunch of ultra-masculine douches it can be hard.

ScottFromWI

We all live in a drinking culture. The "everyone drinks" theory is mostly a myth that our alcoholism tells us. Of course it seems that way because we seek out other drinkers to justify our own drinking. What you'll find as you get some sober time under your belt is that there are plenty of people who drink very little, or none at all.

LBrain

Unfortunately you don't get any Mulligans when it comes to drinking Brendon. You gotta play it as it lies. Turn in your card and start over. Is that too hard core?

I think Dee summed it up.

"Thank you but I don't drink" is the all time best answer.

Oh yeah... Something dawned on my since I quit drinking. Not everyone drinks. Going back over things I know of many people who never drank. Nobody ever asked or tried to force them to drink. Even at company 'open bar' events these same people drank nonalcoholic beverages. Now thinking about, there were more than just a few who didn't drink. I only noticed the fellow drinkers - maybe to justify myself, I don't know.

Croissant

Brendon. There's something in your original post in this thread, I can't pin it down. But I don't think you are truly ready to give up yet.

So, I'd not seen any of your posts at all before, so I looked to understand your journey. I picked 2 random posts. Random. 1st one spoke how your girlfriend is giving you your final chance. 2nd one, how you missed out on doing your PhD is the place you wanted because of grades...there was a 3rd, sorry, sneaking vodka and Gatorade into class.

Are you seperating this one beer episode from yourself, as if it was a different person?

It's the same person, the same problem - You couldn't say no.

I'm not buying the obligation to drink scenario, either. Lots of people don't drink. I had a stellar career in my pre-drinking days. In fact, on the upside, being the sober person in business, you actually remember important conversations, can be the designated driver, be the good guy and get people home safely...to think it's masculine or macho to drink is just buying into yet another fantasy of alcohol.

Received

I don't believe this is a case of "compromised" rules rather a convenient choice/excuse to drink.

Mountainmanbob

we don't need to tell anyone that we are alcoholic

I just say that I'm not drinking today

it's actually pretty simple

no one even bats an eye

MM

BrendonM

Hey everyone, I guess my excuse wasn't really one. I will count myself as at day one. It felt nice to be normal one day but clearly I cant.

Croissant

It's understandable to feel wistful in the beginning...alcohol has been our friend...then our enemy - it's hard to let go of the allure. I promise it changes eventually - if you are ready. Remember, now may not be the time....although it does seem a few big red flags have happened for you already.

Eventually, your normal will mean something different if you choose sobriety long term. I completely understand that process of letting go....and all of us have our own journeys of discovery.

It does get easier.

BrendonM

Yes, its hard to come to terms with my disbaility. I want to be be normal. I wish I could be be normal and have a have beer. All these other people are drinking their beer and being being normal. Why cant I be normal???

LBrain

You are 'normal' today.

doggonecarl

The lure of "normal" drinking kept me chained to my addiction far longer than it needs to be. Once I realized I wasn't a normal drinker, never would be, I was freed from chasing the illusion. I could never drink. Ever. And I accepted it.

From that point on my recovery began.

topspin

Brendon ,

Everyone posting here is " normal"

All the millions of folks piling out of Churches, and every other Place of Worship this weekend , and the millions who are skeptics who don't actively worship; ...all choosing not to drink, for personal beliefs , all ,....... normal.

I think you're seeking answers , and addressing what needs to be sorted out.

I'm confident you'll get there !!