SkyBlueSky

Alright. I am done. I dumped the Klonopin in the toilet. I have only 5 hours of sobriety. I have a beautiful woman waiting on the other side of town desperately holding out for hope. I'm done. I really need advice, support, or anything to take the leap. I have gone 1 or 2 days, even 1 week, but I am unemployed, constantly bored, and really dislike almost all activities (reading, watching tv, taking the occasional walk, meditating, sex, etc). Let me rephrase that, I feel no pleasure from any of these activities. I noticed about 2 years ago that anything I do feels like "going through the motions." It could be working on a complex legal case or sitting on the edge of a beautiful lake - I can't feel it. I can't feel that enigmatic pleasure that others derive from such experiences.

Has anyone experienced such inability of pleasure? Only when I drink alcohol does my brain ignite with pleasure until it crashes into depression. How do you take the FIRST STEP? For me, how do you feel pleasure again? I know everyone works their own program, but I need some advice. If it works great; if not, then it was worth a shot.

Anyone?

LBrain

All I can say is that you have to relearn how to live again

Dee74

I think most people have experienced this.

I drank for so long that pleasure for me was simply the absence of pain, which I felt when I was not drinking.

Tough bind that one.

When it got down to quit or die, I quit.

I figured the price for not dying was not to feel anything but empty...and I felt that way for a while.

But I stuck with it, my mind and body healed, and I experienced joy and happiness again.

It;s not going to happen overnight SBS. We get used to immediate gratification with the bottle, but you're going to have to resign yourself to feeling uncomfortable for a little while...

but it will pass.

I guarantee it

D

ontherightpath

Congrats on 5 hours! That's a step in the right direction. For me, knowing that after I ingest the first drink, the results are not predictable, was something I needed to accept. Could be a great night, or the worst night ever. I just don't know how it's going to end. It took me a lot of attempts. ALOT. I think I finally get it. But I only have to remember that one day/hour/minute at a time.

As for pleasure? What I thought brought me pleasure also robbed me of sanity. Drinking physically picked me up due to the sugar, but slammed me down, and literally knocked me out. Was that pleasure? No! But....
It did cause me to constantly have hangovers. If I focused solely on how crappy I felt, then I didn't have to deal with reality. Even with a hangover I was still running. It's a self created riot. But at least I was feeling something, so at least I knew I wasn't dead, although many times I wished I was.

Pleasure in day to day life returns when I realize that I don't have to fight. When I don't waste hours of my time obsessing about the next drink, the next high. I would love to perfectly work a program that turns everything from soon and gloom to hearts and flowers, with just a decision, however I work a program that requires work on my part. And when I do that work, I feel more pleasure than pain and I do it sober! I am in aa, and today, it's working for me.

Notmyrealname

It's called "anhedonia" and it's a pretty common mid-to-long-term withdrawal symptom. It gets better gradually over a sometimes not very short period if you can stay off the sauce.

I think if you focus on quitting drinking, manage that, and then manage to stay quit, the anhedonia problem will eventually solve itself. On the other hand, I think if you go into this expecting to immediately start feeling better once you get a week or two of sobriety under your belt you are not setting yourself up for success.

If your question is about treating the symptom, exercise helps. Antidepressant therapy probably helps.

LooseGrip

I noticed about 2 years ago that anything I do feels like "going through the motions." It could be working on a complex legal case or sitting on the edge of a beautiful lake - I can't feel it. I can't feel that enigmatic pleasure that others derive from such experiences.
[/QUOTE]

Because Alcohol takes over. It controls you and dictates every aspect of your life. Any genuine emotion is replaced or muffled by craving the next drink and then the drink anesthetizes and residual emotion/true pleasure.

Upward2Enlightenment

Same thing happens with drugs too.

Rar

Hi SkyBlue Perhaps an excess of Klonopin together with the alcohol is anesthetizing you? Notmyrealname is correct in saying that the 'anhedonia' needs time to get better. I am new to sobriety and still experiencing some of this. But it IS getting better. I think you have to ultimately take the leap of faith from those with sobriety experience and try to abstain day by day. We will be here during your journey.

abrooke

HI it kinda sounds like your depresses, try some medication, right like thats all you need, but try some anit-depression meds, it may help, When i get depressed, i find no joy in anything

EndGameNYC

What you're doing is extremely dangerous. Abruptly stopping either alcohol or klonopin alone could lead to seizures, heart problems or stroke. Stopping both abruptly is rarely without dire consequences.

You need to see your doctor ASAP.

justinJustQuit

This is totally accurate. It's absolutely fantastic that you want to turn your life around, but please make sure that you have a life to turn around to. I thought I was good to quit JUST drinking, and ended up in the ER with near fatal blood pressure. It's not worth risking it. A little bit of debt you can repay down the road.

SkyBlueSky

I will get better or die. So will everyone. That isn't depressing; it's a fact. I thank you for all of your help. I am ready to take the leap, and tomorrow will be better. I enjoyed AA for two weeks, but not it feels like a filthy old man's club that can't get drunk and womanize. Maybe that is just my group. I have to do this alone, although isolation is a drunk's worst enemy. But I resent people in general. I suffer from grand delusions of excellence and complete despair. I have taken lithium, anti-depressants, xanax, klonopin, ativan, wellbutrin, antabuse, suboxone, etc. Name it, someone prescribed it. I am just sick of not feeling pleasure. I mean! How do you look into the eyes of the woman or man that you love and want to be together again and FEEL NOTHING. I know people will say this isn't abnormal - well it is abnormal for me. If I drink, if I don't drink, I feel dead inside. For a year I didn't drink in college, and I loathed time as a fact/concept. It is amazing how much time is your enemy. Actually, it is your nemesis. I mow the lawn; I fold the clothes; but I am much better at looking into the eyes of others and finding fault.

SkyBlueSky

Also, I have cold turkey'ed both Klonopin and alcohol before. I am willing to roll the dice; debt scares me more than death.

SkyBlueSky

Nevermind yall. Withdrawal rants are unbecoming ... and being obstinate is ******.

Rar

Hang in there. Go ahead and rant- just don't use.

Dee74

A lot of people relapse because they mistake early sobriety and withdrawal for recovery.

The way you feel today is not the way you'll feel forever SBS.

If you won't see a Dr, thats your call I guess.

You drank and drugged for years tho, right? give recovery a fair go, man

D

topspin

You're so right about the latter, isolation is the tough way. Brutal.
I couldn't do it , ...after many , many tries.

You don't have to do this alone ,....hundreds, probably thousands have used this site. We weren't alone. You won't be either SkyBlueSky, ...you're not right now.

I've been to the dark place you describe. And was shocked , really shocked to hear it was the booze. You probably already know how much worse this can get . Or have an idea,

This dark place , this Season of Hell can be over.

...keep reaching out ,,,. and do everything, ...anything you can muster to get started[/U]