Aellyce

This is a question that has preoccupied my mind for a long time now, even before getting sober 3 months ago. I've always had a hard time with everyday routines... basically, in most of my life, I have not had much routine. Or healthy habits.

I actually (subjectively) realized the power of habits based on negative experiences, through my addictions... But of course that's not what I am looking for.

I am starting this thread to see and discuss HOW we all have created healthy, constructive routines and habits, and what kinds (if you would like to share that) in recovery.

I've seen a lot of the actual "new routines" discussed extensively here, eg. getting into a program and maintaining it, all the things 12-step programs provide for, mindfulness, meditation, healthy eating, exercise, exploring new interests (or old ones we never did before), hobbies, volunteering, various therapy approaches and other kinds of self work... etc. So I have no problem seeing endless options and possibilities.
What I am wondering is the HOW. The implementation.

How have you managed to incorporate new, healthy, habits into your life? Again, I have absolutely no problem finding new things, even knowing what would be good for me - but am really struggling sometimes with the implementation. To make these stick and turn into new, constructive lifestyle patterns. I always think in me it's also a sort of commitment issue.

Let's discuss experiences related to this - pretty convinced I'm not the only one finding this difficult.

Nonsensical

For me, establishing habits is a matter of repetition. Those first repetitions require overcoming mental obstacles.

List all of the reasons why you aren't doing it. Eliminate all the ones you can. Then stop using the rest as excuses.

For example, I wanted to start riding my stationary bike trainer more. But...
1. It was going to make my body hurt (at first)
2. I didn't want to shower twice a day
3. It was boring
4. The room was too warm

so...
I shifted my work schedule so I could ride in the morning, thus only having to shower once a day.
I built a laptop/magazine stand so I can read while I ride.
Put a fan in the room.
Nothing I could do about the muscle soreness, so I had to suck that one up.

Ruby2

I have a horrible problem with this so thank you for posting this. I procrastinate. I over think things. And I never run out of things that I need or want to do. That is overwhelming to me because I want to everything and end up doing almost nothing because I get paralyzed. After putting some thought into your post I see that maybe I need to make a list like non suggests but of the top five things I want to get done or incorporate into my life the most. Then follow Non's list of why I can't do it and cross those off. In the end I find that I get most things done if I grit my teeth and follow the nike slogan "just do it!" And after I get comfortable with those five things regularly getting done I can make a new list of five and start the process again.

Thanks for starting this.

Marcher13

Haennie I am a list maker by nature, routine is something I like so changing and incorporating new routine was one of the easier things for me. Here are a few ideas:

* buy the healthy foods you want to eat, don't buy the snacks and processed stuff, except for one favourite in a small quantity for snacks (sugar cravings happen in early sobriety). For me that was dark chocolate.
* plan a walk/run/swim at the time you used to start drinking or near that time, this helps you reinforce change: it's 6pm so you run for 20 minutes instead of opening a bottle
* go to bed a bit earlier at night for a while, you are going to be healing in recovery so help yourself out. If you have trouble sleeping try herbal tea and lavender scents
* make and pack your lunch when you are preparing dinner instead of leaving it until the morning, put your keys on your lunch so you don't forget it
* make your non-alcoholic drinks special, don't live under a feeling of deprivation
* use the money you used to spend on alcohol for quality fruit that you love, take the time to enjoy it

shalette

I have been struggling with the same thing. I used to have routines but they included my children and their activities (but they are basically grown now) as well as alcohol. I have added exercising at least 3 days a week (its very hard) and going back to reading.

StormiNormi

I am not yet three weeks sober. Not enough time to establish new habits. I did find a new addiction though. SR.

Marcher13

Stormi I was glued to SR in the first few months and it paid off, I've been sober for over a year now. Besides reading and posting I enjoyed playing the word games and made friends here at SR. I come every day even now, I try to post to help others starting out and I read to learn off everybody. Your SR addiction is a good one!

Tomsson

Hi Haennie. I empathise, and have always had similar problems with structure and routine. Most of my working life has been built around supposed independence from routine. This inclination to avoid interference and supervision now seems counter-productive, once the paradoxically organising principles of addiction have been removed from the picture.

At the moment (just over seven months sober), I ask myself 'how have I learned to reject a methodical approach to life?' It seems that I reject this at a pre-conscious level - by the time I come to ask myself how I improve my habits, and how I commit to a new hobby or task, I have already determined that I won't.

For me, the state of being alert and prepared for any putative (and usually fantastical and remote) interruption/catastrophe has become more important than looking after myself and developing good habits. Something hard-wired into me (from childhood?) short-circuits the building of a better life.

So, that's the diagnosis...

Having stopped drinking, I find that I still address this gnawing dissatisfaction, this disorder and disorganisation, by means of distraction and short-term gratification. Step one is to catch myself in the act of doing this, and to recognise that I am gratifying a pre-conscious urge, rather than doing something which actually interests and engages me. It's easy, of course, to confuse gratification with satisfaction, and it is attractive to do so, as it seems to address an immediate problem we have with our surroundings and our interaction with the world.

For me, calling this out has been genuinely helpful in separating out gratification from engagement. Slowly, I seem to be able to replace these limbic stimuli with repetitive tasks (abstract doodling works for me!) that both address the limbic issues and push me towards the types of skill and models of self-care I want to encourage. It doesn't seem to be a directed process, and I can't know whether it will work, whether my routines will change and settle in a satisfactory way, but having the time and inclination to try it out has been one of the great boons of sobriety.

I can't answer your question, but I'm glad you started the conversation - like you, I hope to figure out where all this is going...

PurpleKnight

It's all about repetition for me, when I was drinking I did the same thing everyday, and now Sober I do many little things the same everyday.

In the morning, every morning I have the same routine, shower, brush teeth, dressed, I also started to have a large glass of water with lemon before I leave for work and then upon arriving at work have my first coffee of the day.

Working creates a routine very easily during the day and during weekdays, but I do get a lunch break and that opens a window to having some quiet time, I always try to have a healthy sandwich and switch off for 30 mins if I can.

On work days I always arrive home before 6pm, I've started to go for long walks with my ipod to clear my head and de stress immediately after arriving home. Then after that make some dinner.

Every evening always includes SR, and checking out other various websites.

Bedtime always involves, setting my alarm, plugging in my phone and ipod to recharge, and setting my clothes out for the next day, I never used to do that, I used to blackout into bed, so it's a healthy reminder that I'm going to bed Sober for another day!!

These are the things that stay constant from day to day, there may be things happening or events/people included in the schedule at times but all these little things keep me sane with some kind of routine!!

Aellyce

Hi everyone - thanks so much for the brilliant responses so far! I'm very glad that I started this thread yesterday, I feel I've suddenly understood a lot and learned potentially useful "tricks" already, plus just had some really cool realizations about myself thinking about the content of the posts... I'll come back later with specific responses, will have lots to say.

Marcher13

Oh yes purpleknight, your are absolutely spot on about the repetition. Do it today at this time, then tomorrow and then the day after until you reach a stage where you can introduce flexibility. That repetition of routine was my lifeboat in early recovery.

Aellyce

Here is the feedback.

Nonsensical - your protocol sounds brilliant - the kind of approach I could really use, I think; I usually feel most comfortable with rational/logical methods to practical problems. I will totally write protocols like that for the specific issues I want to tackle. Write it down and remind myself. Thanks so much.

Ruby2 - I relate to the overthinking and often not doing the thing because of "analysis paralysis". A lot of this is driven by anxiety. This is something I've been very aware of about myself for years, and have managed to improve a lot, but still an issue on and off. I agree, try something like what Non suggested, if you are someone who likes to dissect and analyze things, it might be a useful approach. For many other issues related to my own tendency to overthink, I find that making detailed short term plans of things to do (eg. for a week in advance) helps. I also include my recreational and fun things in these plans. Helped me in the very early phase of sobriety tremendously.

Marcher - very cool about generating healthy and regular eating plans. Although in general I have been eating relatively well in the past few years (I paid attention to this even during my drinking, not everyday of course though), my problem is I tend to do it irregularly. Sticking with the traditional 3 meals a day everyday is tricky for me. I believe the roots of some (or a lot) of these issues for me go back to my youth and history of eating disorders, which I most often feel I've recovered from successfully, but I did so on my own without help, and I do still recognize weird patterns. I tend to refuse sweets completely, for example. Well, no sugar cravings and problems at least I still want to improve my diet and make it more balanced.

Tomsson - I really like how you have dissected your own problem. Mine is similar mostly in the sense that I have never been forced to develop routines in my life in part because I've avoided commitments that would have pushed me that way. In my work (I'm a research biologist, what I've done since college) I've always had very independent, flexible schedules, and this includes I don't even generally have anything like week days and weekends set in a conventional way. Family obligations push many people to get into routines, but I set up this lifestyle very early (in my teens) and decided to not have kids, which I never regretted, it's just a fact now. I've always been very very strongly driven by my interests, and avoided many commitments because I thought they would have gotten in the way of exploring freely. For me distraction and desire for instant gratification started to be a problem only as my drinking progressed and got worse... before and by default it's more the opposite: I tend to be very focused on whatever piques my interest and can go very far and deeply into these things ignoring other basic needs, not needing rewards etc. This may sound good, and it certainly is in my profession, for example, but it's also often counterproductive when I need to deal with everyday "mundane" things. By nature, I would rather keep spending all my time thinking "big" about many theoretical and existential questions, and to the extent I'm prone to doing this, it does not help create a balanced life with practical things taken care of as well. Like with other stuff, I've paid attention to this in the past few years and improved, but still tend to fall back into my default state again and again. So for me, I actually need to push myself into those things that normally yield simpler gratification.

Purpleknight - yeah your lifestyle sounds very set and good. I especially like the part that during your drinking you did the same thing everyday and now do other kinds of things everyday. My difficulty with such a simple replacement is that for me not even my alcoholic lifestyle involved doing things the same way daily - it was just that I did drink daily, but when and how - very varied and dynamic. I think I'm just one of those people who needs variety in their lives. Lots of stimulation. For example, my absolutely worse (mentally) period of my life was ~3 years when I lived in a very non-stimulating environment - could have used the experience to set up routines similar to yours, but instead, I got engaged in crazy virtual things via the internet, for example, and that was also when my drinking really escalated. I think I used alcohol mostly as an enhancer. After all these years I see a clear pattern that I do need variety and diversity on the outside and in my everyday life, or else I would want to boost it with unhealthy behaviors. I think that's OK, just need to find a reasonable balance between this and commitment to dealing with simpler things in life.

So for me the conclusion so far is that I need to put more focus on developing a few uncomplicated healthy repetitive things in my life, I think those could support and serve as a "skeleton" to balance me and allow me to explore those "bigger" questions that I'm so interested in, in a more functional way. I'll try out Non's method!

Thanks a lot for the discussion again