dakwtd

I am in a relationship with a recovering alcoholic. when he doesn't go to meetings for more than 3 or 4 days he is very difficult to be around. I don't know what to do. I spent years in Alanon so I know this is his issue but it has an impact on me and our relationship. I don't know what to do.

Dee74

Hi and welcome dakwtd

Depends on what you mean by do - do you mean what can you do for him, or what you can do for yourself?

You'll find a lot of strength experience and hope here anyway - glad you've found us

dakwtd

what i can do for me

StormiNormi

Us alkies are a moody bunch. It comes from years of altering our brain chemistry. When my husband gets like that, I call him on it. No alcoholic who works their program wants to be a dry drunk. Throw him a candy bar.

dakwtd

i like him better when he is attending meetings on a regular basis. he is more stable and easy to get along with.

StormiNormi

Do something kind for yourself, preferably away from him.

dakwtd

what do you mean throw him a candy bar?

Dee74

AlAnon is good for support, but you already know that

This forum, and our Family and Friends forum, are pretty good too

D

dakwtd

I love your quote. one of my favorites.

StormiNormi

I have a zero tolerance rule in my house for negativity. The hand goes up and I give the 'FACE'- it took seven years, but I do think the effort is paying off. Encourage him to establish friendship with those in the program who seem to be LIVING their program.

dakwtd

thank you. I needed to connect with program. I tried reading and it wasn't enough.

StormiNormi

We crave sugar, because alcohol has so much in it. I always keep hard candy and chocolate bars in the house. It helps.

StormiNormi

Sugar, and particularly when we are low on it, affects our moods. We were never sweets people, we were getting our fix with the drink. To keep ice cream, or other is the house is an easy pick me up and will stabilize his mood.

dakwtd

he has been sober for 30 years and has not had an easy life. I respect him and how far he has come but i don't think i am willing to live this roller coaster.

dakwtd

he eats sweets every night.

StormiNormi

Does he have a sponsor? When was the last time he did a step study? Is he active in AA? Service work? If not, he has become complacent and that is a dangerous road.

dakwtd

he has a sponsor, does step meetings, is active in AA including service work (that is new for him). but in the last 6 months there has been 3 episodes of having gone a while without meetings and the scene is not good.

dakwtd

i think i just have to let him know i don't want to ride his roller coaster. i need to have more stability.

dakwtd

i worked for a long time on not being co dependent. I don't want to worry about what mood he will be in each day and i don't want to police how many meetings he is going to.

dakwtd

thanks so much for your help. i really needed to make a connection and it was too late to make phone calls. I am going to ask for some guidance and turn it over for tonight. have a good night and I wish you well. d