Mrrryah1

This is really hard. Minute by minute white knuckling it. Called to talk to my old sponsor and was pacing and had a lot of anxiety and she thought I was on drugs can't really blame her, I lied to her a lot and even called her wasted before. But it just made me feel so so awful. That it's come to the point where the people I love just constantly think I'm lying about being sober and probably using even when I'm not ugh.... So much disgust with myself. And my fiancé was texting me telling me how sad he feels when he wakes up in vomit in our bed or me choking on my vomit on the couch passed out unconscious. So awful this twisted mess of a life I've created. I feel like forgiving myself is going to be so so hard to do. Anyways thanks for listening all. I wish there was people in the chat room tonight but there isn't

ScottFromWI

How did the meeting go?

Mrrryah1

Hey Scott. I didn't go because an AA/recovery friend offered to come to my house and hang out with me, which I kinda thought was just as good for me right now and knew it would keep me safe. She left though. Thanks for asking.

ScottFromWI

I think there some folks in chat now, and lots of us here in the boards.

Mrrryah1

Nope just me. But I can use the boards at least.

Justadude

Mrrryah1,
Hugs & Prayers.

AdmimalBlueEyes

I've only been sober for three weeks, I feel physically great, as far as forgivness goes, I'm not there yet, but I figure if god can forgive me for all the crap I did then I can eventually forgive myself, good luck