Just looking for a place for support
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 2
Just looking for a place for support
First a little about me and then my situation as it currently stands.
I'm 46, happily married, one child, a 16 year old son.
I've (we, the wife and I) been drinking ever since we met (actually even before that).
We've been married 23+ years and lived together 3 years before that.
One of the original things that brought us together was having some drinks together.
She can drink in moderation and I've seemed to have lost that ability, hence the reason I've been reading on the internet about addiction which led me here.
Neither one of us have EVER been "fall down drunks".
Which to me is a game that alcohol plays.
You drink a little to get effect, then it takes more and more for that effect (obviously not telling anyone here anything new).
So where I stand now I have always drank pretty much regularly, light during the week and more or less binge on weekends depending on what was going on.
So fast forward to just under 4 weeks ago, my employer of 18 years closed the doors and I'm currently seeking other employment.
Which at 46 is a daunting task in my mind, the area I live in does not have good paying jobs falling off trees.
I've always been one to worry and become anxious easily, so this job search thing has me freaked.
I haven't had to interview for a job in over 18 years.
I'm not a super out going person until I'm drinking.
Since the job thing happened my drinking escalated (or down spiraled I guess depending on how you look at it).
I was drinking way too much, so much that I noticed that I had acquired the dreaded morning shakes.
I've cut back but not yet abstained.
The wife and I have talked about my situation, which she sees with her own two eye, she's not stupid.
So I absolutely have her support.
I'm tapering down but I'm pretty sure from everything I've read there probably is no going "back to normal" once you reach a certain level of drinking.
I'm 5'-11", about 165lbs and I can easily drink half to a full 5th (or more) in one sitting and still function.
Not lately though, but I don't want to go justifying anything, especially here to you good people.
Whiskey and Vodka my preference.
I just bought beer recently to slow this train down, but then I remembered why I wasn't drinking beer much these days, it's kinda disgusting, lol.
So anyway, thanks for reading my book if you made it all the way through.
I still have to make up mind, if/when sobriety should happen for me and pick a date.
For now, as I said, I'm trying to cut back as far as I can without slipping up and it seems to be sorta working.
I'll be around reading the wealth of information here and just looking for support and encouragement.
This whole pouring out to strangers thing even has me on edge and anxious, thanks for listening.
I'm 46, happily married, one child, a 16 year old son.
I've (we, the wife and I) been drinking ever since we met (actually even before that).
We've been married 23+ years and lived together 3 years before that.
One of the original things that brought us together was having some drinks together.
She can drink in moderation and I've seemed to have lost that ability, hence the reason I've been reading on the internet about addiction which led me here.
Neither one of us have EVER been "fall down drunks".
Which to me is a game that alcohol plays.
You drink a little to get effect, then it takes more and more for that effect (obviously not telling anyone here anything new).
So where I stand now I have always drank pretty much regularly, light during the week and more or less binge on weekends depending on what was going on.
So fast forward to just under 4 weeks ago, my employer of 18 years closed the doors and I'm currently seeking other employment.
Which at 46 is a daunting task in my mind, the area I live in does not have good paying jobs falling off trees.
I've always been one to worry and become anxious easily, so this job search thing has me freaked.
I haven't had to interview for a job in over 18 years.
I'm not a super out going person until I'm drinking.
Since the job thing happened my drinking escalated (or down spiraled I guess depending on how you look at it).
I was drinking way too much, so much that I noticed that I had acquired the dreaded morning shakes.
I've cut back but not yet abstained.
The wife and I have talked about my situation, which she sees with her own two eye, she's not stupid.
So I absolutely have her support.
I'm tapering down but I'm pretty sure from everything I've read there probably is no going "back to normal" once you reach a certain level of drinking.
I'm 5'-11", about 165lbs and I can easily drink half to a full 5th (or more) in one sitting and still function.
Not lately though, but I don't want to go justifying anything, especially here to you good people.
Whiskey and Vodka my preference.
I just bought beer recently to slow this train down, but then I remembered why I wasn't drinking beer much these days, it's kinda disgusting, lol.
So anyway, thanks for reading my book if you made it all the way through.
I still have to make up mind, if/when sobriety should happen for me and pick a date.
For now, as I said, I'm trying to cut back as far as I can without slipping up and it seems to be sorta working.
I'll be around reading the wealth of information here and just looking for support and encouragement.
This whole pouring out to strangers thing even has me on edge and anxious, thanks for listening.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Welcome Nedlog. You're not alone - we all understand what you're going through.
When I found SR I was in sad shape. I had refused to admit I could never drink socially. I had tried everything to control what I drank, but it became impossible. I spent many years drinking & enjoying it - but at some point I crossed the line to alcoholic drinking. In the end I was completely dependent on it. You're at a crossroads in your life - losing your job is frightening. The temptation to calm yourself with drinks is huge - but it will just cause more anxiety. I'm glad you found us and reached out for some help.
When I found SR I was in sad shape. I had refused to admit I could never drink socially. I had tried everything to control what I drank, but it became impossible. I spent many years drinking & enjoying it - but at some point I crossed the line to alcoholic drinking. In the end I was completely dependent on it. You're at a crossroads in your life - losing your job is frightening. The temptation to calm yourself with drinks is huge - but it will just cause more anxiety. I'm glad you found us and reached out for some help.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
Welcome Ned,
I just recently discovered I have no job. Believe it or not, it strengthened my resolve to not drink. I can say that I too could drink a lot and still "function". But really? I was only kidding myself.
I am just beginning the job search too. I was 4 yrs from full retirement - down the drain. It's important to get yourself straight. The anxiety will clear itself up after a bit of time. It's time to face life with a new attitude.
You'll get plenty of support here.
I just recently discovered I have no job. Believe it or not, it strengthened my resolve to not drink. I can say that I too could drink a lot and still "function". But really? I was only kidding myself.
I am just beginning the job search too. I was 4 yrs from full retirement - down the drain. It's important to get yourself straight. The anxiety will clear itself up after a bit of time. It's time to face life with a new attitude.
You'll get plenty of support here.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,100
Welcome back christimc!
Welcome to SR!
Looks like you realised how this can really creep up on us, and someday we eventually realise our lifestyle is not normal.
Good news is that you can turn this around. Always a great idea to chat with your doctor before taking major decisions to quit abruptly.
Welcome to SR!
Looks like you realised how this can really creep up on us, and someday we eventually realise our lifestyle is not normal.
Good news is that you can turn this around. Always a great idea to chat with your doctor before taking major decisions to quit abruptly.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
Welcome to the family. 
I hope the support here can help you stop drinking for good. Sober living is the best. I also pray for good luck in finding work.
I'm glad you found us and joined our family.
I hope the support here can help you stop drinking for good. Sober living is the best. I also pray for good luck in finding work. I'm glad you found us and joined our family.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Lowcountry
Posts: 2,762
Ned ,
You seem aware of all the signs , ..morning shakes is a biggie.
I've witnessed guys in your very situation have things go South in a hurry,....not trying to scare you ,.
Without the structure of a job, ..well , you can imagine.
On a positive note, you're so fortunate to have the full support of your wife.
There's also your boy to think of . I don't have to tell you how impressionable that age is. You know kids , they're smart. No matter how great you're advise is to him about , well anything , he's more than likely processing your actions, as much if not more.
There's that.
And of course , similar to any health problem, you're most vulnerable as newly unemployed.
I hope you'll try picturing your life alcohol free. How does that feel ?
For me , it was pretty damn daunting , scary actually.
Whatever method ( AA , AVRT , etc ) you decide to try first, ...throw everything you've got into it . Being unemployed may be a blessing in disguise if you end up free.
More time to focus on the task at hand.
It's a simple one , ...,,...far from easy
Welcome to SR, btw
You seem aware of all the signs , ..morning shakes is a biggie.
I've witnessed guys in your very situation have things go South in a hurry,....not trying to scare you ,.
Without the structure of a job, ..well , you can imagine.
On a positive note, you're so fortunate to have the full support of your wife.
There's also your boy to think of . I don't have to tell you how impressionable that age is. You know kids , they're smart. No matter how great you're advise is to him about , well anything , he's more than likely processing your actions, as much if not more.
There's that.
And of course , similar to any health problem, you're most vulnerable as newly unemployed.
I hope you'll try picturing your life alcohol free. How does that feel ?
For me , it was pretty damn daunting , scary actually.
Whatever method ( AA , AVRT , etc ) you decide to try first, ...throw everything you've got into it . Being unemployed may be a blessing in disguise if you end up free.
More time to focus on the task at hand.
It's a simple one , ...,,...far from easy
Welcome to SR, btw
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Upper Midwest
Posts: 1,730
Welcome to SR, Nedlog. I think you have come to the right place. I was in a situation very similar to yours when I found SR, seven months ago. I have received an incredible amount of support and good advice here. More importantly, I haven't had a drink since the day I joined SR. I wish the same for you.
Good luck. I am glad you are here with us.
Good luck. I am glad you are here with us.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 2
Thank you so far for the support.
I have family and friends that will support me in my decisions.
So far only my wife and I have discussed what this means in the big picture of things.
We have not even involved my son yet in discussions, who definitely sees what is happening to me as well.
I think of all the things that could have been taken care of if I had not been drinking all these years (an lately, whoa), not only financially but mentally, physically.
One thing that I have noticed is my short term memory lately is almost non-existent.
That hurts me and my family the most.
The wife tells me of a date or scheduled event and it seems most times I forget it.
This makes me sad and makes me realize that not only does the booze take away some stress or pain in your life it takes away the joys as well.
I hope if I can abstain from drinking that this aspect comes back, sucks not remembering things important.
My boy is growing up and I don't want to miss any more moments.
Fortunately before he did the "almost grown up" thing, "parents aren't cool anymore", turning 14 or 15 we did plenty together.
I coached his sporting teams, always supported him in academics as much as possible, we fished and enjoyed the outdoors always.
He's an honor roll student, just had a 98.3 average across the board last marking period.
I'm proud of him and ashamed of me right now.
Anyway, I've said enough for now. I will keep you all informed of my progress.
All feedback welcomed, I need strength to right my ship right now.
This is obviously a great place with a great support system.
As always, thanks for letting me pour my brain into yours and listening to my drivel.
Still kinda weird for me to tell my whole story to strangers but I figured a site like this wouldn't judge me too harshly.
I have family and friends that will support me in my decisions.
So far only my wife and I have discussed what this means in the big picture of things.
We have not even involved my son yet in discussions, who definitely sees what is happening to me as well.
I think of all the things that could have been taken care of if I had not been drinking all these years (an lately, whoa), not only financially but mentally, physically.
One thing that I have noticed is my short term memory lately is almost non-existent.
That hurts me and my family the most.
The wife tells me of a date or scheduled event and it seems most times I forget it.
This makes me sad and makes me realize that not only does the booze take away some stress or pain in your life it takes away the joys as well.
I hope if I can abstain from drinking that this aspect comes back, sucks not remembering things important.
My boy is growing up and I don't want to miss any more moments.
Fortunately before he did the "almost grown up" thing, "parents aren't cool anymore", turning 14 or 15 we did plenty together.
I coached his sporting teams, always supported him in academics as much as possible, we fished and enjoyed the outdoors always.
He's an honor roll student, just had a 98.3 average across the board last marking period.
I'm proud of him and ashamed of me right now.
Anyway, I've said enough for now. I will keep you all informed of my progress.
All feedback welcomed, I need strength to right my ship right now.
This is obviously a great place with a great support system.
As always, thanks for letting me pour my brain into yours and listening to my drivel.
Still kinda weird for me to tell my whole story to strangers but I figured a site like this wouldn't judge me too harshly.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
Welcome to SR, Nedlog! It' good to have you with us. I'm about your age and I know that patten well. As a kid I drank to "party" and have fun. As I got older I drank just to get by. You lie to yourself so long eventually you start to believe your own BS. There was a point where I quit going to bars and drinking socially but I convinced myself this was a good thing! By sitting at home getting plastered I was "saving money" vs bars and not driving when drunk. Anyways, bars are just for kids.
The good news is that you can stop! I finally realized in Oct of 2012 that drinking was going to kill me. That was a startling realization. Booze just kind of snuck up on me.
I know that 46 isn't a great age to be job hunting, nor is 2014 necessarily a good time, but try to see it as an opportunity! I promise you, it will be easier sober, and you'll have me to offer. Maybe this is a chance to reinvent yourself.
I felt like I was pretty "high functioning" and didn't think my family really knew that I drank a lot. Trust me, they know!
Good luck Nedlog. SR has been a big help to me in staying sober for the last 17 months or so.
The good news is that you can stop! I finally realized in Oct of 2012 that drinking was going to kill me. That was a startling realization. Booze just kind of snuck up on me.
I know that 46 isn't a great age to be job hunting, nor is 2014 necessarily a good time, but try to see it as an opportunity! I promise you, it will be easier sober, and you'll have me to offer. Maybe this is a chance to reinvent yourself.
I felt like I was pretty "high functioning" and didn't think my family really knew that I drank a lot.
Trust me, they know!Good luck Nedlog. SR has been a big help to me in staying sober for the last 17 months or so.
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