unchartedxo

I feel like a broken record.....

Don't drink
Don't drink too much
Oops, I drank too much
And fought with my husband
Woke up hungover
Woke up anxious, sad, depressed
Vowed to make myself better and not do it again
Post here and declare myself sober
Don't drink
Don't drink too much
Oops, I drank too much

This is my cycle. And I'm sick of it.

Why am I such a failure?

ontherightpath

Failure? No.
Learning? Yes
It doesn't stick with me til I remind myself how powerless I am over alcohol. The results of a binge, on my part, can't be predicted. I might be fun and happy (that is a successful binge?) or I might be mean and rude and start fights with friends (oops, unsuccessful)
When I got serious about quitting, and stopped feeling sorry for myself, changes happened. No more guessing how my night would unfold, no more worries of what I did or said in a blackout.

Sobriety is more than putting the drink down.
It's learning who you really are.

Get back on the horse and continue this journey. But know, it requires a bit of work on your part.

forabetterlife

I think we all know that cycle all too well uncharted. Today can be the day you break it. Never give up. Promise yourself that you won't drink today.
I have made many sober promises here on SR and even more to myself. The good thing about SR is that we get it. We understand. And most of us have done the same. Beating ourselves up over it won't help.
You aren't a failure. And neither am I. We just haven't gotten to where we want to be yet. But we will. Don't give up.

doggonecarl

I don't think you are a failure, but you are failing at recovery. If I had to guess I would say you don't have a solid plan for recovery, haven't made the changes necessary to get and stay sober.

Am I close?

Deciding to quit drinking isn't a recovery plan...just the first step!

unchartedxo

Outside of deciding I don't know what to do. I have tried counseling. Having a friend hold me accountable. Have my husband hold me accountable. Church. I just don't know anymore.

IOAA2

Hi. I failed at the beginning of my recovery because I didn't get honest about my drinking with myself AND I wanted to drink more than I wanted to get sober. I'm an alcoholic and cannot drink in safety.

BE WELL

doggonecarl

Counseling for alcoholic addiction? Is your friend a recovered alcoholic who knows what it takes to be sober? What does your husband know about alcoholism and recovering from it?

I think you know what we mean when we say a recovery plan. A proven method of recovery from alcoholism. An if you have been on SR for more than a couple days, you know there are several choices. BUt you have to work them.

And even if you only use SR...USE it. Daily.

unchartedxo

Proven methods?

Help me out.

What has worked for you?

RevivingOphelia

What worked for me was taking it one day at a time in the beginning, checking in here daily, thinking through to the end of what happens the morning after, and keeping my commitment not to drink. I had to keep trying…and trying. Don't give up.

ScottFromWI

You are the only one who can hold you accountable XO. That was my problem too, I kept hoping for an ultimatum or miracle cure that would somehow allow me to control my drinking. But then bottom line is that sobriety is only possible when you accept that you cannot drink EVER and then wholeheartedly seek help or an plan to live sober. There is no other way to do it.

The "plan" itself can be very different for each of us, AA, SR, AVRT, inpatient or outpatient rehab, detox, counseling are all examples and there's plenty more. But once again, none of them will be the least bit effective until one commits 100 percent to absolute sobriety beforehand.

unchartedxo

I feel like I have committed myself to sobriety. Several times. Why do I keep failing?

I've tried counseling and seeking professional help. Doesn't stop the cycle.

I'm stuck.

Lance40

I really feel for you. All of us are here because we had our own version of the cycle. The answer is so simple which you already realize because of your intentions, but it's actually doing it that can be so difficult.

Alcohol has to be around for you to be able to drink it, so it sounds like you have access to it. Maybe as a first step you could create an alcohol-free environment for yourself. I don't know what that looks like for you, but it should include an alcohol-free home and work environment. Both of those are in your control. If your normal routines take you by places such as pubs or beer / wine / liquor stores then change your routes so you don't pass by them. If alcohol is available in places where you absolutely must shop such as a grocery store, then maybe until you have more strength you should have a shopping buddy along who will hold you accountable to avoid the alcohol aisle.

These are the ways that you will need to start to think to be successful to move from intentions to an actual plan that centres around a commitment to doing whatever it takes to be alcohol free.

unchartedxo

Not drinking at home is easy. It's when I go to my cousins for a grill out..... Or dinner.,... Or Sunday afternoon porch wine with the church girls....

During this times I will have 1. Or 2. Or 10.

Depends on the day. I love how someone else said it. It's like Russian roulette if I ended up drinking too much.

ScottFromWI

You might simply need to avoid then drinking situations completely for a while, I know I did. Then you can work on yourself and get some good sober time under your belt.

matt4x4

Which program are you working?

unchartedxo

.

I don't even know what that means :-/

matt4x4

Are you going to AA, doing SMART Recovery, CA, NA, GA, SA, OEA, BA (12 step programs). Addictive Thinking analysis. Are you in out or inpatient treatment, you going to the hospital for treatment. What is your plan of recovery from this "cycle of failure" that you talk about?

unchartedxo

No Matt. I'm not. I'm not are what most of those acronyms stand for.

DuhDave

...and in never works.

Well, unchartedxo, I believe you are really, deep down inside, without even realizing it (and even if you are...not calling it that), trying to ...moderate. It's almost impossible for alcoholics to do this.

The 2nd and 3rd lines of your post sounds like your AV talking. I've heard it enough to know it. Look into AVRT for starters

Pure 100% abstinence is the only thing that worked for me...and once I committed to it...it worked!

You are NOT a failure! Never let anybody tell you, you are. Even yourself!
Take it easy, be your own...best friend.

Best wishes,
Dave

ReadyAtLast

For me I had toavoid all triggering situations in the beginning, which was hard as I drank at home. If you don't drink at home that's one hurdle overcome. Don't go to BBQs, wine meetings with friends ,out for dinner. None of these are events you HAVE to go to. If you know you will drink or are likely to drink then don't go. If you are serious about sobriety then you need to do all you can to not drink and avoiding drinking situations is a must,well it was for me anyway.

I agree with Duhdave-your post reads as if youare trying to moderate-just don't drink 'too much'...... THis never works,as you know.