ontherightpath

Amongst my less than successful drinking career, I have a couple of moments that have stuck out in my head, and I have been thinking about them and I think I need to get them off my chest.

Roughly 6 years ago, i was asked to be the maid of honor in one of my best friends wedding. I gladly said yes and couldnt wait! The day of dress shopping, I checked out. I was getting ready and decided I would have a captain and coke. I ended up drinking the whole bottle in about a 1.5 hours. Then blamed it on my daughter being sick that I couldnt go. I crawled into bed at noon, blacked out drunk and dealt with it around 6 when I woke up. I ended up still being the maid of honor, and i work with this girl weekly, but havent admitted to her what happened that day. I think its time i address that.

At a local parade, i walked to the route with a bottle of limon and lemonade, and sucked down a couple big ones whilst watching the parade, with my friends and family and kids. barely could walk home... but when i got there, promtly passed out around 230 pm.

I have gone to the nail salon with wine on my breath, at 1030 am. I have had more conversations than i care to admit that i cant remember. I have passed out at the neighbors house, in the middle of a game of poker, with my head on the table, and awoken hours after everyone else has gone to bed.

I went for a bike ride down to a friends house a few blocks away, and allegedly fell off the bike and laid in a driveway for a few minutes. (i do remember falling, but i dont remember laying there)-- I fell face first out of my friends suburban, parked in front of my house, onto a sheet of ice and chipped a tooth and had "road rash" along one side of my face.

I have been responsible for all of these things. Maybe at some point these things could have been laughable and shrugged off, but even when they happened, the guilt and shame were intense. But it still wasnt enough for me to do anything about it. It was much easier for me to argue with my husband and pretend with my friends that I was ok, than it was to look inwards at myself.

My bottom came when i went to my grandfathers wake after drinking all morning, and then drinking there. and then drinking the next morning after taking my kids to school. I was full of shame and remorse. That began my journey with sobriety and all its attempts. I havent been perfect and I have almost dug a new bottom a few times. But this time I feel differently. I feel more secure in my recovery.

I dont know if sharing this will help anyone else, but it helps me to put it out there. I rode the bottom for a very long time until I reached the point for asking for help. It can be done! Keep plugging along!Today is day 13 for me. I havent been able to put 13 days together in 3 months!!!! one day at a time!

IOAA2

Hi. I found that asking for help is a first step to sobriety and surrendering to certain facts.
We can't fix the things of the past but we don't have to repeat them. I consider many of them good Remember Whens for our delicate moments.
One fact I live by is if we don't pick up the first drink we don't have to sober up AGAIN.

BE WELL

Thepatman

Well that's a lot of bad things that happened to you. Glad you are sharing and getting this off your chest.

13 days is really great! Just keep going and don't pickup the first drink

ontherightpath

Yeah, it feels good to be humbled enough to talk about these things and not act like they didnt happen.

thatcat

I think a lot of us can relate - I certainly can. One thing I always keep in mind whenever I find myself feeling ashamed at failing and having to try again is that each time we fail we learn something new about ourselves and it adds to our journey .... Whether we acknowledge it or not, something was learned in our failed attempt - maybe it was simply a new feeling or emotion - and when we try again we go in with whatever new knowkedge that is. And maybe this next "try" is the last. I hope it is for me, and for you. We can do this!

See

I can totally relate
I've missed work
Appointments
School runs
I interviews
All because of that one drink !!!
That turn I to bottles n days

Looking4Help123

Thanks for sharing Ontherightpath and congratz on 13 days

bigsombrero

You're not alone. Many of us have had these moments ontherightpath. Eventually we realized we couldn't keep living this way, and that cutting alcohol out of our lives was the answer. I hope you are able to make a commitment to change. Sometimes that starts with support groups, rehab, or other programs. I hope you can find something that works for you!

PamperingMe

Proud of you for writing this. I have a list of things like this too that make me cringe.

Day 13 is great. I'm starting day 16. A few weeks ago, I didn't think 16 hours was possible!

Keep going. I'll be with you.

ontherightpath

Thanks guys, like I said all of these things happened over the course of about 6 years, there are many more, but this morning these are sticking out. For whatever reason they are weighing on my mind today, maybe as a reminder of how bad things can get, or did. I do believe this is the part that we don't wish to regret the past nor shut the door on it. I don't regret it. It HAD to happen to get me where I am today. I will bring this up at my meeting tonight.

I'm so happy to not be trapped in those chains today.

letitgo

We all have are stories that we are less then pleased with. But the past is the past. We can only look toward the future and realize we are lucky/blessed/grateful to finally understand that our ways were not right or healthy. We can move forward. The shame and past will always be there but we do not need to focus on it. Though its feels good to get it out there and just move on. Congratulations!! Sending cheers with a cup of coffee this morning your way

See

Yes defo!! It's awful the feeling of regret n guilt n humiliation but at least you can see it as being that therefore know it's wrong n change it
I see this now
And I want a different lifestyle for myself and my family

Dee74

I'm really glad you've left that behind you ontherightpath

D