Fail
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,649
Serenity, you only fail if you give up. We are all here, and we are doing it one day at a time. Keep coming here, keep posting and keep trying. Your life depends on it. I find the 24 hour thread where I commit not to drink today helps me a lot. You can do this. You are not a failure. You are in my prayers.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 643
This is my third attempt since 1 Jan at getting sober and there is something that makes me keep trying again, that elusive feeling of being at "peace" with myself and no longer sabotaging or beating myself up. It is there and I know I can reach it, it just takes time. Be kind to yourself x
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 45
Hi Serenity,
I agree with Dee about the support. But in addition to that, why don't you write yourself a little note? Something like:
"Dear Serenity three days from now. This letter is an unbreakable pact between you and me not to drink. Today I drank, and I feel (go into detail here). When you make it to day 4, we'll go out for an ice cream sundae. With love, Serenity from three days ago."
Put it on your fridge.
Whenever I feel like drinking, it's because my brain tends to remember the good times and conveniently forgets about the bad times. A note like this one can help to remind yourself why you promised not to pick up.
I agree with Dee about the support. But in addition to that, why don't you write yourself a little note? Something like:
"Dear Serenity three days from now. This letter is an unbreakable pact between you and me not to drink. Today I drank, and I feel (go into detail here). When you make it to day 4, we'll go out for an ice cream sundae. With love, Serenity from three days ago."
Put it on your fridge.
Whenever I feel like drinking, it's because my brain tends to remember the good times and conveniently forgets about the bad times. A note like this one can help to remind yourself why you promised not to pick up.
Crazy Cat Lady
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,661
Hey Serenity!
I was stuck in the 3-4 day cycle for a long time as well. I realize now that my problem isn't alcohol, rather it's a problem with coping with life. I could go a few days but then i would feel the pressure building within me and the only way i knew to cope with it was by drinking. If i didn't drink, i think i would have gone crazy. Eventually, drinking stopped working. It helped me cope a little but it made me so miserable as well. I eventually came to accept that misery as i became familiar with it and i feared it less than life.
Now, i am learning new ways to cope. I'm learning to let go bit by bit. I don't have to commit to sobriety for a lifetime. I just have to not drink today. I call people, i read, i'm just beginning to pray (to what i'm not entirely sure yet) and i'm trying to meditate some. Right now, i'm leaning hard on fellowship and it's helping a lot.
Don't feel that you have to fight this demon alone. Talk to sober alcoholics. Reach out for help. I'm an AA person. Maybe you can find your solution there. Just don't be so paralyzed by fear that you isolate. You don't have to be alone. Good luck.
I was stuck in the 3-4 day cycle for a long time as well. I realize now that my problem isn't alcohol, rather it's a problem with coping with life. I could go a few days but then i would feel the pressure building within me and the only way i knew to cope with it was by drinking. If i didn't drink, i think i would have gone crazy. Eventually, drinking stopped working. It helped me cope a little but it made me so miserable as well. I eventually came to accept that misery as i became familiar with it and i feared it less than life.
Now, i am learning new ways to cope. I'm learning to let go bit by bit. I don't have to commit to sobriety for a lifetime. I just have to not drink today. I call people, i read, i'm just beginning to pray (to what i'm not entirely sure yet) and i'm trying to meditate some. Right now, i'm leaning hard on fellowship and it's helping a lot.
Don't feel that you have to fight this demon alone. Talk to sober alcoholics. Reach out for help. I'm an AA person. Maybe you can find your solution there. Just don't be so paralyzed by fear that you isolate. You don't have to be alone. Good luck.
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
Its a learning game. I kept making the same mistakes, falling at the same hurdles.
It is not failure- there were days you didn't drink- the question is how can you build on that?
feeling "better" or good was always atrap for me. It might help to read about "urges" and aldo I found reading about AVRT and the "addictive voice" helpful.
My "addictive voice" still speaks to me- ive got better at responding to it.
Keep going - sober life is better
It is not failure- there were days you didn't drink- the question is how can you build on that?
feeling "better" or good was always atrap for me. It might help to read about "urges" and aldo I found reading about AVRT and the "addictive voice" helpful.
My "addictive voice" still speaks to me- ive got better at responding to it.
Keep going - sober life is better
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Lost in the midwest
Posts: 443
Originally Posted by Serenity85 
3 days in.... I have failed. Why can't I get past 3 days? I never can.....I am committed, then I fail after 3 days... My previous post was Go now and live. If anyone can give input, please do.
It was told to me several times : when u want to be sober more than u want to drink, it will click.
Keeping it simple!
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Surrey, BC
Posts: 3,282
Originally Posted by huntingtontx
Serenity, you only fail if you give up. We are all here, and we are doing it one day at a time. Keep coming here, keep posting and keep trying. Your life depends on it. I find the 24 hour thread where I commit not to drink today helps me a lot. You can do this. You are not a failure. You are in my prayers.
Do not give up! Great advice, use this site to your advantage.
You are no failure, or you wouldn't be posting here and still trying to do this.
You can do this! Have faith in yourself.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Serenity - I had the same problem for years before I took recovery seriously this January. What I changed:
Became active on SR and made some great connections here.
Introduced some gradual but radical lifestyle changes, lots of them.
Keep reminding myself that if I continue drinking or relapse, I may not be far from a total crash. Basically fear helps me this way but only now that I do not drink, it did not help while I was in the habit.
Now I'm trying to keep myself busy and focused on activities, try not to let myself stuck in my head the way I was (am) prone to.
So before I tended to get stuck in a similar loop to yours, and interestingly, the turnover did not seem like anything different at first. The only thing I did differently was coming to SR, posting, hanging on this very frequently. I was surprised to find myself then 1 week sober discussing it on here with people in a similar phase as well as others with longer term recovery - I think that was extremely helpful to me. But the lifestyle changes are also essential.
I suggest that you find some kind of help / support that is available when you need it, and use it as much as necessary during the first 2 weeks. SR, AA, rehab - whatever seems best for you, but hold onto it tight for a while at least.
You can do this!
Became active on SR and made some great connections here.
Introduced some gradual but radical lifestyle changes, lots of them.
Keep reminding myself that if I continue drinking or relapse, I may not be far from a total crash. Basically fear helps me this way but only now that I do not drink, it did not help while I was in the habit.
Now I'm trying to keep myself busy and focused on activities, try not to let myself stuck in my head the way I was (am) prone to.
So before I tended to get stuck in a similar loop to yours, and interestingly, the turnover did not seem like anything different at first. The only thing I did differently was coming to SR, posting, hanging on this very frequently. I was surprised to find myself then 1 week sober discussing it on here with people in a similar phase as well as others with longer term recovery - I think that was extremely helpful to me. But the lifestyle changes are also essential.
I suggest that you find some kind of help / support that is available when you need it, and use it as much as necessary during the first 2 weeks. SR, AA, rehab - whatever seems best for you, but hold onto it tight for a while at least.
You can do this!
Realising my life
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Dorset, England
Posts: 3,656
Originally Posted by Solar
Hi Serenity,
I agree with Dee about the support. But in addition to that, why don't you write yourself a little note? Something like:
"Dear Serenity three days from now. This letter is an unbreakable pact between you and me not to drink. Today I drank, and I feel (go into detail here). When you make it to day 4, we'll go out for an ice cream sundae. With love, Serenity from three days ago."
Put it on your fridge.
Whenever I feel like drinking, it's because my brain tends to remember the good times and conveniently forgets about the bad times. A note like this one can help to remind yourself why you promised not to pick up.
I agree with Dee about the support. But in addition to that, why don't you write yourself a little note? Something like:
"Dear Serenity three days from now. This letter is an unbreakable pact between you and me not to drink. Today I drank, and I feel (go into detail here). When you make it to day 4, we'll go out for an ice cream sundae. With love, Serenity from three days ago."
Put it on your fridge.
Whenever I feel like drinking, it's because my brain tends to remember the good times and conveniently forgets about the bad times. A note like this one can help to remind yourself why you promised not to pick up.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Keep at it...
use this not as a chance to beat yourself up but as an opportunity to ask yourself, with complete honesty;
"How can I give myself better tools and support THIS time? What have I learned about my prior efforts at sobriety? What can I do differently? What haven't I honestly tried? What have I learned about this last attempt?"
You can do it.
use this not as a chance to beat yourself up but as an opportunity to ask yourself, with complete honesty;
"How can I give myself better tools and support THIS time? What have I learned about my prior efforts at sobriety? What can I do differently? What haven't I honestly tried? What have I learned about this last attempt?"
You can do it.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: perth western australia
Posts: 397
Hi serenity it's hard in the beginning many of us relapsed in the beginning but if u don't give up one day it just sticks and something clicks and u want sobriety over drink , also doing more than just this site is sometimes nesesary like aa meetings ,counselling,rehab etc please don't give up as we all know how hard it is and no one here thinks you are a failure but more strong for coming back to tell your truth stay strong beautiful xxxx
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
All very good - great ideas. Don't know what made me think of this. When I was a kid I didn't own a bicycle. If I wanted to ride a bike I had to ask to ride a friend's bike. But learning to ride was another thing. No training wheels, no father helping to keep me up and push me along. So I'd get on that bike and after a few feet I'd fall over. Kids would yell, "Don't break my bike." For the first few days of attempting to ride a bike I would fall over. And it was embarrassing to say the least. Not to mention the skinned knees and elbows. But I want to be able to ride a bike. So I kept at it. I didn't have support other than having to beg someone to let me try it again. Then one day I got on a bike and miraculously kept going. I am actually vividly remembering it right now, the street the people etc. It was the most amazing feeling. Then of course the kid wanted his bike back after I took off around the block. I didn't want to give it back. This is absolutely true how I learned to ride a bike. I just kept trying and one day it just happened.
So I suggest you keep trying. If you want this bad enough, the miracle will happen.
Get support and help from someone who has already done this. Being here is a good start.
So I suggest you keep trying. If you want this bad enough, the miracle will happen.
Get support and help from someone who has already done this. Being here is a good start.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 48
Thank you everyone so much. So much support and such great ideas. My husband and just poured out the last of the box of wine we bought and I am starting again today. My five year old son came over to me and gave me a hug and said " I am proud of you mama.". Today is a new day and a new start. I am so greatful I found you guys and found this forum. Your support and words have helped me and I will beat this
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