babyedwards

I've lost all interest in life. I don't wash my hair or wear make up anymore. I don't try. I suffer from anxiety and panic. I started self medicating with alcohol 3 years ago. And it's turned into an issue. I drink the second I wake up and all day. I'm scared to stop because I think i will die. I don't sleep anymore only for an hour at a time I wake up shaking and scared. I feel like the only thing I have is alcohol. If I don't have it I'm scared and panic by heart races I'm dizzy etc. The doctor gave me clonazepam but I'm scared to take those. I feel like I'm at the end of my rapidly fraying rope. I hide all of this from my husband too. I'm just scared and want my like back. Help.

Stoogy

Hi,

There are a lot of people who can relate to you in so many ways, first off you have to take the doctors advice he does know better than anyone on this site we are not medical professionals remember and cannot give out any advice in that respect. It's really vital not to go cold turkey yourself as this can be fatal, involve your husband too you could do with the support at this stage.
Keep posting and take care.

babyedwards

I'm worried to tell my husband. We've been together for 10 years and married for only one. I feel like I've let him down. These pills the doctor said will help with the withdrawl however I Googled it and it said they can be very very addictive too. I am supposed to be on Seroquel twice a day for my anxiety issues but I don't take those as I am afraid it will interact with my alcohol. I'm just a wreck here. I'm not looking for any medical advice. Just someone to talk to who has been thru this. And maybe to know there is a light at the end of this tunnel.

suki44883

It sounds like you need to make a decision about whether or not you truly want to quit drinking. You have medication to help your anxiety issues but won't take it because you want to drink. Nothing is going to get better until you decide for sure what it is you want. If you honestly want to stop drinking, then you need to take your meds and confide in your husband. He can be a huge amount of support.

Stoogy

Are you tapering off at the moment? The pills I'm sure are fine as long as you follow the medical guidelines, I do think you need support from family members to help you especially in the short term with regards to withdrawals, some people try tapering off slowly to let the body customise to the alcohol drop, others may try alternative options under supervision. Keep posting here as there are lots of people who can help.
There is always light at the end of the tunnel just don't fear the journey.
All the best.

soberclover

Perhaps talking with your doctor about how to find a place where you can medically detox as well as receive treatment for your addiction and related anxiety and depression issues. When I stopped drinking, my depression and anxiety issues became much more manageable.

Holli

Welcome to SR, Babyedwards. I hope you choose to give sobriety a shot, because it sounds like you are really suffering right now.

Hevyn

I'm glad to meet you Babyedwards. I hope it'll help you to talk things over here. You aren't alone - we've all been where you are. Your life will be so much happier and calmer without it.

babyedwards

Well. Tapering is the route that was suggested. Along with the clonazepam to keep the withdrawl at bay. It's taking the first step and actually tapering down that's hard and scary. As I sip my wine right now I am hating it. My stomach is churning. But at the same time it feels like I need it. Uhghg. It's making me nuts. Why do I choke down this garbage still. Why can't it just be over with I feel like I am melting down here. I hate myself. I haven't even looked in a mirror for the past few weeks because I can't bear the person I have become. This has to stop and soon.

babyedwards

I use to be such a girlie girl. Never left the house without lip gloss or mascara. Wore pretty dresses. Always had my hair done. Nails done. Even toes done. Now. I'm lucky if I shower or bath once a week. I never brush my hair. Haven't had make up on on ages. I've given up but I don't want to be this way. I want to take pride in myself again. This booze is awful. Should I keep a journal of my drinking habits daily and taper that way?? What's the best way to taper? From experience.

suki44883

Tapering never worked for me. I might do okay for a few days, but the day would come when I wanted to drink more than I was "allowed" to, so I did. Having it around at all was just a major trigger. I believe it is actually harder to taper than to just quit all together. That doesn't mean it's easy and you may need some help, but it's better than thinking about how much you can have today and then not having more. I don't know anyone who was actually successful at quitting drinking by tapering.

When I finally decided I had had enough and wanted to live a sober life, I checked myself into a medical detox facility for six days. When I left, there was no alcohol in my body and the rest was psychological cravings. That was taken care of by an intensive outpatient program.

biminiblue

Yeah, I've not heard of successful tapering either. Not to say it isn't possible.

I think you should tell your doctor exactly how much you are drinking. I can be dangerous to quit cold turkey, but the meds he gave you are also effective in detox. Don't try this alone - even though that's what I did and a lot of others have also.

Read some online stuff about detoxing.

My experience was just like yours right before I quit.

It was really hard, but I started feeling better in a few days. It is a long process to become healthy again. One day at a time.

thatcat

Your post is similar to my story too. I drank 24/7 except for brief bits of sleep. My every waking moment revolved around alcohol. When I was married (he walked out after almost 25 years), I'd keep a glass secretly under my side of the bed. I hid everything about my addiction (as best I could). I'd hide bottles and bring my empties to random garbage cans. I'd go to different liquor stores. I drove and I drank at work too. Complete physical addiction eventually took over and I was really drinking merely to exist, to not withdraw, and to try to ward off panic attacks.

There IS a light at the end of this dark tunnel. It starts with taking that first step. There are different plans of attack, but asking for help is a great place to begin. Another doctor appointment might be in order if you are unsure of going ahead with the pills you have or what should be the best, safest way to stop drinking for you.

I drank more than a quart (750 ml) of hard liquor every day for a long time. If I got out of that hole, I know you can too. Take that first step and begin your plan of attack. Ask for help, and accept it. Be honest with those you trust (at the very least with your doctor). You CAN do this.

babyedwards

I'm worried about quitting cold turkey but I hear these meds are a lifesaver. This is the only place i have found online about alcohol issues. So here I am. It's gotta start somewhere. I'm only 32 and I feel 100.

I feel like if I tell my doctor she will freak out on me . I told her a year ago I was cutting down and I didn't. My best friend has just passed away. My husband works for a company that is closing down. Our friend just jumped off a bridge to her death. I feel like things are shattering around me and alcohol is a constant. I will do some research and find some tips online about rehab and stuff tho. Gosh just talking about it feels good tho.

babyedwards

Thatcat. This is exactly me. Right now. Wow. I'm so glad you were able to get thru it. That is amazing. I'm going to and I will. Thank you so much for your post. I can relate to the hiding and the drinking to exist everything. I could have wrote that myself. It's good to see it can be done gives me hope.

Thepatman

You are in a dark place a d your thinking is distorted by the Alcohol.

Never be ashamed about seeking help. Assisted medical detox might be a good thing. I detoxed myself with Ativan but was not a risk for major withdrawal. You need to make the jump to total abstinence, get help, there are detox centers. Hell if it can save your life why not just pop at the ER? They will keep you for a couple of days a monitor you.

Best wishes, keep positive things will get better 100% sure, without the sauce.

babyedwards

I didn't know the ER dealt with things like that that is actually good to know. Thank you.

Erratic

I have and am in same situation as u. I was told from alcohol councillor is that I need to cut down before I start to think about giving up drink. I have tired campral which did work the first time but this time its not making a difference. I don't look after myself either, its only 1 week ago I went a got my hair done which been needing to do for long time. Since then ive started cutting down, just trying to work a way in getting in frame of mind that I can cope with out drink. I have to much on my hands if im not drinking so, I have to learn again to give a **** about myself and use the time I have.

sry don't want to go on, just understand where u are. xx

Good luck

babyedwards

Yes I am at the cutting down stage. The doctor had also suggested baclofen to curb the craving. I feel like it's alot of medication to be taking and just trading one addiction for another. Maybe I'll start with doing my nails today. Something simple. Maybe start feeling like myself again. We aren't alone. And to me that helps so much knowing I am not the only one going thru it. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. However just knowing you aren't alone somehow helps. In a strange kind of way.

Charliee

I have tapered a few times successfully, reducing the withdrawal symptoms. It was much easier than going cold turkey, which terrified me immensely. Later on I was prescribed the exact same meds as you and I just started abusing them. Withdrawal can be very dangerous, be safe and best of luck. While I was drinking I also ignored myself, I felt like crap and treated myself the same. After I got sober it came back ten fold, even if I didn't want to put makeup on and do my hair, I would and eventually I even looked forward to it. It really helped the progress of getting back my self esteem