Goldcoastgirl

You have done a great thing coming on here, there is a lot of support. You have been brave doing that and need to keep going. Don't worry about what your doctor thinks, they are there to help you, not judge you, ask for help. Do you really think your partner is clueless about the extent of your drinking? Maybe not as you would have to be a super great actress to carry that off. That must be exhausting for you, it would be so much easier to surrender and just ask for help. I am sure your husband will be supportive if you give him the chance. You are worth it x

babyedwards

I miss make up and getting my hair and nails done. But all I can seem to do is get up out of bed. Get to the liquor and get to the couch. That is the extent of my day. However as we speak I am running a bath. I'm going to wash up brush my hair and do my nails. I am also going to take a clonazepam and lay off the wine for as long as I can. You are very beautiful Charliee. I can't imagine a women like you ever having no self esteem. I'm just going by your picture thank you for the response.

babyedwards

Exhausting is the word. Having to put on a happy face all the time is hard. And pretend like nothing is wrong when in reality I am dying inside. It just plain sucks. And I'm so over it. So over it.

Holli

You have the power to change your life.

And please do not do anything rash. People love you, and you can get past this.

babyedwards

Thank you all so much. This means alot to me. I am planning on speaking to my husband this evening about it all. I will update via this thread as I go.

OpioPhobe

babyedwards - I definitely think you are doing the right thing by telling your husband. It may not be as difficult as you think, because he has probably noticed that something has been "off" for a while. He may even be relieved to know what the problem is rather than guessing as to why you have been acting in certain ways. It could absolutely go the other way too, but I found support from people that I never would have expected when I told them about my addiction.

Please be careful if you do decide to taper / withdrawal at home. There is a reason that the ER takes people in with alcohol withdrawal. Do you have a way to stay in contact with your doctor during the nights / weekends?

RevivingOphelia

Thank goodness, we live in Ontario, Canada. We have NO reason NOT to go to the doctor--emergency room if needed!--to seek out medical attention. We have every available medical resource we need and it's all financially covered. Please use this benefit. Trusting a doctor -- at an emergency room or office -- is the best way to begin stopping this madness. If I was in your situation, I'd go to the emergency room and they can help you safely detox or give you advice as to how many of the clonazapem you should be taking and when. I would NOT take the tapering route--take the medical advisement route!

Good luck--you can do this!

babyedwards

Well I'm awake it's 4AM. Normally I would run and get a drink. Instead I am going to take a clonazepam and chill out. I feel a little nauseous but nothing unbearable. I have mild anxiety but I feel like that anyways on the best of days.

I had a nice bath today. I brushed my hair and put it up in a clip. Just that small act made me feel good. I'm going to force myself to do it again tomorrow.

I started drinking a few years back to cut the anxiety. It totally helped and I felt great. I was brave. I could talk to ppl. Etc. But then it turned into being afraid not to drink. It's now a crutch. It's not so much that I crave it because I don't. I need it because when I feel a panic attack coming on I quickly grab a drink and I'm better. I need better coping skills.
Anyways now I'm rambling here. 4AM is a lonely time.

not2late

I have been struggling for years. I have to stop. You can too. Today I try again. Be safe and be strong.

RevivingOphelia

Thinking of you! Keep going!

Hevyn

I'm glad to hear you're doing better babyedwards. I started drinking to calm myself down too - but in the end it did nothing to help me cope. My anxiety was through the roof. It is not our friend.

babyedwards

Went for a walk today. Did my nails. Purple. Had about 5 beers and three glasses of wine. That's good for me. Took my clonazepam before bed. Hoping to sleep well. I'm going for another walk tomorrow. I'm also going to cook a turkey. I feel like if my mind is elsewhere not just sitting on the couch thinking about the next drink, it's much easier. I had a mild panic attack today because my lips swelled up from earing something with eggs in it. I immediately wanted to grab a drink but I didn't. Instead I grabbed my benadryl and a glass of water and read a book.

I'm the only one who can change me. No one else. I have to make the right choices and not give in to my insecurities. I have read so so many positive words on this forum. It's inspiring to know people are so strong. I can do this too. Thank you everyone.

RevivingOphelia

I don't think you're supposed to take clonazepam after you've been drinking.

How about heading to a doctor today to be fully honest and get some advice?

jkirk

You know you need to quit. A taper didn't work for me, I tried it three times. I just quit on a Tuesday after a big Thurs to Mon. I woke up that Mon and had a bottle of wine to feel better. I knew it was my last. Yes, the first week is awful, but then it gets easier. I think you should consider having your husband being active in supporting you? If you are in your first week, you can't drink enough water or go for enough walks. GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!!

ClearLight

Tapering has never worked for me either.

I hope you'll be totally honest with your doctor about how much you drink. Also about your lifestyle. Seems odd to me that a doctor would suggest tapering.

Consider being honest with your husband too.

You can quit. Millions of people have done it - you can too.

SoberChristy

I feel for you babyedwards. You are exactly where I have been. I'm on day 3, but my withdrawals generally only last for two days. I'm lucky with that. But I've found each time I try to quit, my withdrawals get worse and worse. So please be careful.

Anna

Tapering off alcohol is extremely difficult, if not impossible. The temptation is too great.

I don't really understand your thinking. Did the dr give you clonazepam to help you through withdrawals from alcohol? If so, you won't be getting addicted to something that you would take for only a matter of days. The alcohol, on the other hand, will continue to destroy you and take you down completely.

I hope you decide that you want to live a sober life. We are here to help.

sugarbear1

Please go back to your doctor and be brutally honest with them.

They gave you that second med based on you taking the first one, but you aren't doing that, your doctor has no idea what is really going on here.

Please go get yourself a safe detox!!

With love & hugs,
~SB