total failure
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Whitehaven UK
Posts: 221
total failure
well my anxiety has hit the roof waiting to hear about this other lambing job not heard from farmer for ten days don't know whats happening feel in limbo
my voices are getting louder and louder I have had a panick attack pinched fellas card and bought four stella nearly through my second
god I cant cope with this
went for a 5mile run yesterday felt great just this waiting on this possible job driving me insane
cant cope much more
my voices are getting louder and louder I have had a panick attack pinched fellas card and bought four stella nearly through my second
god I cant cope with this
went for a 5mile run yesterday felt great just this waiting on this possible job driving me insane
cant cope much more
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Whitehaven UK
Posts: 221
I have no idea seaside
maybe I aint well enough for work full stop hence the anxiety the farmer said he would ring me when he gets busy but for over ten days I have heard nothing its driving me nuts and the drink is taking hold I can feel that feel so angry I know drink wont help but still buy it
maybe I aint well enough for work full stop hence the anxiety the farmer said he would ring me when he gets busy but for over ten days I have heard nothing its driving me nuts and the drink is taking hold I can feel that feel so angry I know drink wont help but still buy it
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Whitehaven UK
Posts: 221
thanks treerat
yes your right we all have a choice I made mine when I stole partners card and drank a can
I'm a liar and a total failure only had 6 months sober in 7 years and cant even get through a week without giving in
yes your right we all have a choice I made mine when I stole partners card and drank a can
I'm a liar and a total failure only had 6 months sober in 7 years and cant even get through a week without giving in
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 39
Keep posting and trying.....you wrote this yesterday
Welcome Philly this site will help you immensely I'm.a newbie on here to, i find alcohol loves it when my bipolar and depression play up they feed of each other, what helps me is exercise i went running today for an hour when i couldn't think of anything else but buying drink and then felt great then an hour later i found a can opened it took a swig felt sweat poor down my head so chucked it out then cleaned the bathroom
I'm.now exhausted and don't want a drink
The battle is constant but YOU will beat it. YOU will overcome it
Come on here when your struggling the people on here will support you and they know what your going through
Well done for expressing how you feel.on here you are not alone
Countrysidegirl
Welcome Philly this site will help you immensely I'm.a newbie on here to, i find alcohol loves it when my bipolar and depression play up they feed of each other, what helps me is exercise i went running today for an hour when i couldn't think of anything else but buying drink and then felt great then an hour later i found a can opened it took a swig felt sweat poor down my head so chucked it out then cleaned the bathroom
I'm.now exhausted and don't want a drink
The battle is constant but YOU will beat it. YOU will overcome it
Come on here when your struggling the people on here will support you and they know what your going through
Well done for expressing how you feel.on here you are not alone
Countrysidegirl
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,782
Originally Posted by countrysidegirl 
tried ringing no answer I'm leaving this site sorry I don't belong here I aint strong enough and cant kick the habit thanks for all your support
Stay for the support. We care. Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 219
Hope you come back. I know it sucks looking for work. I haven't had a stable job for a year now. The part time job I'm working is just dead these last two weeks for some reason and I'm already behind on my bills. I don't know why it's so hard to just work if a person wants to. Hope you find something soon and don't give up on not drinking even if you're not getting sobriety as soon as you wanted. Hang in there
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Originally Posted by countrysidegirl
tried ringing no answer I'm leaving this site sorry I don't belong here I aint strong enough and cant kick the habit thanks for all your support
I think the times when we're drinking or using are the times we need SR the most
I hope you change your mind - things won't get better out there if you continue drinking countrysidegirl.
D
Recovering
Join Date: May 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,361
As Dee said, this site is just as much for those struggling to get a foot on the ladder as those who are further into recovery.
Uncertainty can be worrying, can't it. Yet, in a funny way, it's that uncertainty, that change, that also allows us to grow. We can't become fixed in any particular part or way of life even if we wanted to. The world around us and our circumstances change, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse. And we change, even when maybe we don't want to. But if things didn't change we might be trapped in alcoholism, but that change that always goes on, that uncertainty, is what opens doors for healing.
But in saying that I don't mean to diminish the concern about jobs. It's probably easier for us to see, and say, from the outside - whether you embrace sobriety or not is even more important than if you get that lambing job or not.
Be patient with yourself. And if ever you want to come here to get things of your chest, or just to say hi, you'll always be welcome.
Uncertainty can be worrying, can't it. Yet, in a funny way, it's that uncertainty, that change, that also allows us to grow. We can't become fixed in any particular part or way of life even if we wanted to. The world around us and our circumstances change, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse. And we change, even when maybe we don't want to. But if things didn't change we might be trapped in alcoholism, but that change that always goes on, that uncertainty, is what opens doors for healing.
But in saying that I don't mean to diminish the concern about jobs. It's probably easier for us to see, and say, from the outside - whether you embrace sobriety or not is even more important than if you get that lambing job or not.
Be patient with yourself. And if ever you want to come here to get things of your chest, or just to say hi, you'll always be welcome.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
Dee's advice is great. Keep calling the farmer till you get an answer and hopefully that will lift some of your anxiety. And, you don't need to be sober to be here, you just need to want to be sober and working on it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Whitehaven UK
Posts: 221
A big thankyou to all your kind messages
yesterday was a bad day my anxiety had hit the roof and I just was a mess, in the end I had 4 cans stella my partner got me to take my medication and I crashed , I woke up feeling rough meds and alcohol never mix and went to rugby training then crashed again.
as dee advised I have tried ringing the farmer but no response, I messaged him on Monday and sent an email still no response its been 11 days now since I spoke to him.
what made me drink again three weeks ago was on the 9th of march I went to a farm to lamb, the family checked my referees and gave me the postion, however the farmers wife had only just had a baby only a week old and she was knackered , so was her husband, I got involved as much as I could and got stuck in, with only a few minor problems(I needed help lambing a sheep that had a dead lamb inside) the farmers dad was not happy that I needed help and got irate with me, this was Monday the 10th, anyway at lunchtime you could cut the atmosphere with a knive and I was very anxious anyway come afternoon I did all my jobs and at 6pm the farmer told me the job wasn't working out and that I could not longer stay with them, I broke down, he said I was fine wasn't anything to do with my work, that I would be great for anyone else they were not used to having anyone help them other than family and that he could not be bothered showing me the ropes for a few days I was devastated.
anyway I came home and got very drunk the night of the 10th, roll on Tuesday awful hangover , spoke to this other farmer ive been trying to contact and he said okay, was a little concerned but I offered the other farmers number to call him, he then declined and said he would ring me when he gets busy.....but nothing and no response of him to my calls.
This limbo has drove me insane , I can see lams everywhere and want to work soooo badly but on the flip side I feel like I'm too ill to work, the knock I had from the other farmer and the anxiety has driven me to drink a few times, maybe I should leave it and focus on getting well, afterall I'm bound to be more important than a few weeks lambing work....
sorry to go on, I just felt I needed to explain why I have been bad for a wee while on the booze
my partner has changed his pin, I don't have a card or any access to money and all booze has been removed, my partner is at his wits end again and worried about me he is glad I come on here though as he doesn't have any addictions and cant fathom why I keep relapsing as he sees me as an intelligent human being....
so heres to day 1 again !!!!!
countrysidegirl
yesterday was a bad day my anxiety had hit the roof and I just was a mess, in the end I had 4 cans stella my partner got me to take my medication and I crashed , I woke up feeling rough meds and alcohol never mix and went to rugby training then crashed again.
as dee advised I have tried ringing the farmer but no response, I messaged him on Monday and sent an email still no response its been 11 days now since I spoke to him.
what made me drink again three weeks ago was on the 9th of march I went to a farm to lamb, the family checked my referees and gave me the postion, however the farmers wife had only just had a baby only a week old and she was knackered , so was her husband, I got involved as much as I could and got stuck in, with only a few minor problems(I needed help lambing a sheep that had a dead lamb inside) the farmers dad was not happy that I needed help and got irate with me, this was Monday the 10th, anyway at lunchtime you could cut the atmosphere with a knive and I was very anxious anyway come afternoon I did all my jobs and at 6pm the farmer told me the job wasn't working out and that I could not longer stay with them, I broke down, he said I was fine wasn't anything to do with my work, that I would be great for anyone else they were not used to having anyone help them other than family and that he could not be bothered showing me the ropes for a few days I was devastated.
anyway I came home and got very drunk the night of the 10th, roll on Tuesday awful hangover , spoke to this other farmer ive been trying to contact and he said okay, was a little concerned but I offered the other farmers number to call him, he then declined and said he would ring me when he gets busy.....but nothing and no response of him to my calls.
This limbo has drove me insane , I can see lams everywhere and want to work soooo badly but on the flip side I feel like I'm too ill to work, the knock I had from the other farmer and the anxiety has driven me to drink a few times, maybe I should leave it and focus on getting well, afterall I'm bound to be more important than a few weeks lambing work....
sorry to go on, I just felt I needed to explain why I have been bad for a wee while on the booze
my partner has changed his pin, I don't have a card or any access to money and all booze has been removed, my partner is at his wits end again and worried about me he is glad I come on here though as he doesn't have any addictions and cant fathom why I keep relapsing as he sees me as an intelligent human being....
so heres to day 1 again !!!!!
countrysidegirl
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
Glad you're back countrysidegirl.I live in middle of farm area too and it is VERY much 'keep it in the family' I'm sure it was nothing personal about you. Maybe the second farmer didn't need extra help in the end. May be try change your way of looking at it. You can't make him call you and worrying about it is only hurting you.
You said a couple of times, maybe you aren't fit for work.Perhps use this time to work on you and getting sober. Are you seeing your GP-can he/she run tests? My anxiety was horrendous when I quit drinking but blood tests revealed it was a physical cause and am now on meds which help immensely and my anxiety has virtually gone.
One thing's for sure- drinking won't solve anything, It will make your anxiety ten times worse and if you do get a call for work you won't be in any state to work
You said a couple of times, maybe you aren't fit for work.Perhps use this time to work on you and getting sober. Are you seeing your GP-can he/she run tests? My anxiety was horrendous when I quit drinking but blood tests revealed it was a physical cause and am now on meds which help immensely and my anxiety has virtually gone.
One thing's for sure- drinking won't solve anything, It will make your anxiety ten times worse and if you do get a call for work you won't be in any state to work
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Whitehaven UK
Posts: 221
hi ready
good advise what is driving me nuts is the farmer didn't say no he said he would ring when he gets busy....that's left me hanging but I have got rid of his number now and I'm closing that chapter
I cant afford to feel like this it will kill me, I'm from a family of alcoholics and have seen from a child the damage it can do my nan has pancreatitis caused from years of heavy drinking and has emphysema she doesn't have a well life and I don't want to be like that
I never wanted to be an addict its such a shameful word alcoholic I cant stand being called that it makes me cringe and I try and say things like well I over drink, I binge but I don't drink everyday the usual crap of denial
cant deny it anymore though can I.........
good advise what is driving me nuts is the farmer didn't say no he said he would ring when he gets busy....that's left me hanging but I have got rid of his number now and I'm closing that chapter
I cant afford to feel like this it will kill me, I'm from a family of alcoholics and have seen from a child the damage it can do my nan has pancreatitis caused from years of heavy drinking and has emphysema she doesn't have a well life and I don't want to be like that
I never wanted to be an addict its such a shameful word alcoholic I cant stand being called that it makes me cringe and I try and say things like well I over drink, I binge but I don't drink everyday the usual crap of denial
cant deny it anymore though can I.........
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
please don't feel shameful. You have the knowledge to see you have a problem and the courage to face it and deal with it.That is a good thing and nothing to be ashamed of.
Re the farmer-maybe he's got family helping,maybe he isn't too busy,maybe he intends to call in time,maybe he wasn't sure-there could be any number of reasons why he's not called but you can't control that so the best thing for your mental sanity is to let it go. It is quite rude not to take or at least return your calls-do you want to work for someone like that anyway
Today is a new sunny day. Maybe stick around SR
Re the farmer-maybe he's got family helping,maybe he isn't too busy,maybe he intends to call in time,maybe he wasn't sure-there could be any number of reasons why he's not called but you can't control that so the best thing for your mental sanity is to let it go. It is quite rude not to take or at least return your calls-do you want to work for someone like that anyway
Today is a new sunny day. Maybe stick around SR
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