FlygirlJ

Can anyone relate? and sorry in advance if this is completely messed up...just trying to find support...

Tonight I went out to meet a guy I like...I have known him for about 2 months. I had 3 beers after being sober for 9 days (on a hiatus, not on a mission to give up drinking entirely).

I wasnt even about to go out and meet up with him because I was like yes 9 days keep going...but I did. And when I drink I binge eat...I also have a history of an ED....so imagine the turmoil I am going thru right now...which led me to physical pain to try to void it out.

I just need support. Thanks in advance.

ReadyAtLast

I know for me that the more sober time I had the more I realized I needed to work on me. The energy and time needed for new relationships wasn't something that sits well in early sobriety. I know I needed to work on loving myself before bringing anyone else into the mix

You say you're not stopping drinking entirely. But if you feel this bad after drinking after 9 days sober and drinking when you didn't mean to maybe it shows the extent of your concern and maybe giving up entirely is the best solution?

FlygirlJ

I don't feel bad about the drinking. Ya I could have gone another day, if not more, but I didn't. I feel horrible about how it affects and triggers my eating disorder which is maybe the worse of the two evils. I didn't hang out with the guy for the rest of the night because usually it would lead to us sleeping together and I was sober and clear of mind enough to not want that because that's not just what I want out of being with someone...I didn't want to be with him because my mind is on someone else that I feel is legit right for me. Why does all this crap make think?!?!! Albeit cloudy...

jenny11785

FlygirlJ- I am 11 days sober. Been trying to stop for a few months. I went out on a date two Saturdays ago, got nervous and completely *********. I also have a history of ED. After that spectacular event, in which I put myself in a completely stupid and irresponsible position because I had been drikning, I decided the next day to stop and start my Antabuse.

Why did I start drinking 7 months ago---after a bad relationship that lead to depression and PTSD I drank not to feel. My ED in the past was also not to feel. Things can make you want to forget and not feel. Or many things in the past can cause you to do that. I don't like feeling anger or "bad feelings". And when I stopped drinking yes the feelings flooded back. I am a mix of pure anger and rage and tears. But I do know that if I was doing the same thing as the past it would never get better and in the future I would have to do what I'm doing now but probably with more regrets and things to forget. Also working on co dependency. Feelings suck. I will go on the record with that statement.

FlygirlJ

I've been dealing with an ED for 10 years...alcohol only became part of it in the last 3.
I get nervous on a date on first, second, third dates, but not thereafter, unless I think its a real thing. Tonight I wasn't nervous, I just wanted to be normal. What the F is normal? I guess normal people get drunk sometimes, but not wanting to get drunk to be "allowed" to do the things they are not "allowed" to do while sober. And with an ED that means, well, you know what that means...WHY DOES BAD **** HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

ReadyAtLast

But nothing gets better until we stop drinking. For me,that had to be the first ste. I'm not sure if you think ED is the main issue-I have no experience of that so can't help.

But surely your drinking must be of some concern to you to have signed up to SR ?

Dee74

I felt that way for a long time.
With every year I drank away my feelings, my fear of feelings got bigger.

By the end of two decades drinking I was terrified of feeling.

Feeling is uncomfortable and unfamiliar for a while - thats true...but the fear I had of feeling was much worse than the reality.

If you give yourself the change FlyingJ,. you can learn to feel again too, and see there's not as much to fear as you thought.

If your drinking and your alcoholism are intertwined it makes sense to me to tackle both?

D

least

I'm sorry you broke your sober streak. Getting sober is uncomfortable at first because we're not used to our feelings. We're only used to numbing those feelings. I hope the support here can help you stop drinking for good.

jenny11785

Yes it is strange to feel feelings. Im struggling with it as well. You aren't alone.

freethinking

I relate to the title of your post, yes. But, it's just an illusion. Once buzzed enough, I feel everything. And it never gets dealt with....just sits there until I can deal with it. So we pour more alcohol, food, etc over the problem...it doesn't go away though.

I just try and remember, feelings are not *me*. They are just one part of me.

Aellyce

Hi FlygirlJ,

I relate and what freethinking said. However, with age and now some sobriety, I also recognize and embrace my feelings more and more. Sometimes they get extreme and intense, but still... I think this is part of the human condition. I thinkga lot of it is normal.

Stay strong