GreenAcres

I just found some things that indicate my husband was having an affair that started before we were married. I'm floored. Haven't directly accused him yet with what I found but drank a lot of wine last night - and then had to crawl in bed with the four year old who now has the stomach flu. God's way of getting me back I guess
Getting some monitoring software for his phone to determine if this is still happening or not- any advice on how to get through this without drinking? I have to be secretive so I know the extent of it before I say anything. I am a total stress case, this is probably the end of a marriage. Help!

Mountainmanbob

drinking is going to complicate things so much for you at this time

Mountainman

aasharon90

As a suggestion only.....I would get into
a recovery program as soon as you can,
first to get urself healthy for yourself and
your little one.

If this is what you believe it is, then
having a clear mind, body and soul
will help you get thru this stage of ur
life with a civil, peaceful separation
or whatever is ahead of you.

Be strong, get healthy, with a clear
mind to move forward and sober most
of all.

Dee74

Hi GreenAcres

you posted this in the Gratitude forum - as it's not really a gratitude post, I moved it to Newcomers forum.

I understand you don't want to find out he's cheating, but you do.

why not just ask tho?

Gathering evidence seems like a long drawn out, kinda torturous process to put yourself through?

GreenAcres

He has denied it since the beginning when I found an email from a coworker- but last night I found a whole file of emails

GreenAcres

Are there recovery programs that don't require you to stay somewhere? I'm totally up for suggestions.

Anna

GreenAcres, I agree with Dee.

Ask him about what you found. The thing is, does it really matter what he says? You know what you believe, so why put yourself through sneaking around searching for more evidence?

Thepatman

I agree with Anna and Dee.

If I might add. If you don't trust him, you probably have something to look into. After booze is taken out of the equation of course, our vision of things are distorted under the influence.

My 20 cents, be kind to yourself

IOAA2

I think Al Anon might be a good fit as it concentrates on the individuals attending who want a better mental health life.

BE WELL

GreenAcres

The reason I'm snooping is because if it was just before our marriage and he lied about the degree of severity to keep me from leaving him, I understand the lie. However if it has continued.. I want a divorce. And that will be not only life altering for me, but my four and six year old girls. I already know he's not going to tell me the truth about her because he knows I will leave - so I will have to find out for myself if there is still something there.

ReadyAtLast

I agree with others. If you have evidence your husband has had an affair then just talk to him about it. If you don't trust him and can't continue with your marriage because of these issues then do what you have to do. But you'll give yourself the best chance of a better life if you're sober

GreenAcres

Are there aa meetings on Sundays?

bigsombrero

Are you here to get spying feedback, or are you here because you want to quit drinking alcohol? We here at SR try and help problem drinkers get sober. Will you drink today? Have you got help for this problem?

Anna

So, you don't think his commitment to you, just before your marriage, was worth anything? I understand you not liking the idea of breaking up your family, but cheating and lying is cheating and lying.

GreenAcres

Yes I am here for help with quitting- which is difficult enough without all this added stress- and no I have not gotten treatment. I think aa meetings would be possible- but I have never gone. This may seem silly but we live in a small town and I don't want to see anyone I know - my line of work would be destroyed if it was rumored I have a drinking problem I'm seeking help for.

GreenAcres

Are there any online options for help?

GreenAcres

I am fine until 6ish and then I usually want a glass of wine, but I can say that I pretty much drink myself to sleep after my kids go to bed. I know it's not healthy and or normal.

ScottFromWI

You have already found one in SR. There are several other self paced methods, check out the subforums on secular methods. AA is anonymous too, your fears of being "found out"'are completely unfounded as everyone else is at the meetings for the same reason you are.

The bottom line though is that no support or recovery program will work unless you committ 100% to quitting and accepting that you cannot drink

GotGrace

Green, AA has meetings everyday day of the week. Google AA in your area!

least

Welcome to the family. I'd suggest you work on your sobriety first and foremost. You can't be any good to yourself and your kids if you're still drinking.