Mentium

It's just the same. Nothing new is on offer except mild oblivion. That seems to be what I was looking for though. My brain was like a tumble dryer of anxiety and anxious thoughts, health fears (probably completely unfounded and vaguely OCD) and all I wanted was to hide from all that. So I have been drinking again. Not a huge amount by any stretch, starting late at night, a few stiff Vodka and whatavers and then to bed before I could do more damage. A bit of me wondered if that was sustainable, but it isn't - I know that.

Been going to AA, though less often, and not speaking. It has been pretty miserable, especially knowing I can do this - almost three months before Christmas sober and a month since.

Anyway I'm back here on day one feeling very pissed off with myself.

Marcher13

Welcome back Mentium. The fact you came back and announced Day 1 says a lot, you know the recovery path is what you want and you've done it before, this can be your last Day 1. Keep reading and posting, I'm cheering you on.

MythOfSisyphus

It's a setback, Mentium, not a total failure. You can lose a battle without losing the war. You just have to try it again.

Dee74

Welcome back Mentium

Have you given any thought to what changes you might make to your recovery regime this time?
D

KateL

Glad you came back and posted. It sounds like you have reaffirmed your willingness to stay away from the stuff because it wasn't such a good feeling after all. So kudos to you xxxxx

ReadyAtLast

Welcome back Mentium. Many of us had a period of sobriety then drank again,It's a case of learning the lessons of what made us drink again and doing it differently this time.

Pipping

Your not a failure Mentium. Far from it. I had many attempts at quitting, it really in all honesty is a hard old slog but it's better than the alternative. Big hugs to you. Please try not to be too hard on yourself

Ruby2

Hi Mentium. It happens so don't be hard on yourself. If at first we don't succeed, try, try again. It will come.

Was AA working for you? Try talking at a meeting. Or write out what is going on in your head. I find a lot of the time that just getting the thoughts out helps a lot, whatever the issue is, whether it is about drinking or not.

Ornithology

Mentium, congrats on day one and nice to have you back. I was hoping you would show up again soon.

Sent from my iPhone using SoberRecovery

CAPTAINZING2000

Your posting that reaffirms what most of us know.
At some point, the drinking stops being fun, at some point, alcohol isn't solving our problems, at some point, alcohol leaves us along the ally like a pile of trash.

Mentium

Thanks all for the encouragement. Dee - to answer your question - I will be doing more AA. I have always had doubts about it, but I know some people well at my local groups now and I really admire what they have got. I have dropped from 4 meetings a week to 3 and skipped a couple of those to be honest over the last couple of weeks. There are five within reach of here, so I think I will try that.

Also more exercise. I bought a bike a few weeks ago. The weather here has been more or less constantly wet since but Spring is around the corner so I will be out and about.

least

I hope this will be your last day one.

phoebe64

Hi Mentium. Wecome back. Keep at it.

Tiptree

Welcome back

Zebra1275

Not a huge amount by any stretch, starting late at night, a few stiff Vodka and whatavers and then to bed before I could do more damage. A bit of me wondered if that was sustainable,



I will save you the trouble. I've already done the research on this, and it's not sustainable.

Mountainmanbob

sometimes all I could do was try yet again

I sure did get tired of my many returns to the liquid devil in a bottle

Mountainman