dancinggirl

Hey all;

Funny thing....I told a good friend of mine about this place as a way to get help/support to stop drinking and I realize I tried six years ago. The failure is mine alone, not yours...the support I've gotten here was unparalleled. Heck, my friends from class of '08 still check in and have solid amounts of years in them. So proud.

I don't know what my deal is. I know that I'm going to die within the next decade and my kids will be motherless before they should. I know how hard it is to lose your mom, regardless of your age. I know that I pull off a lot of the "normal" for work/family, but I isolate a LOT and I lose a lot of time. I'm incredibly alone, have social anxiety, isolate, and feel so guilty that I know I'm killing my kids' mom. Yet I turn back to booze.

Anyways...thanks for listening.

Me xo

Dee74

I felt apathetic too DG - I was gonna die...c'est la vie...

thats your addiction talking.
I don't believe you'd willingly leave your kids motherless - not for a second.

You'll hear from a lot of mothers and a lot of orphaned children here.

The real you - the loving caring nurturing mother of her children - is in there somewhere.
Are you prepared to do whatever it takes to find her again?

D

dancinggirl

I am paralyzed with fear to leave my kids without a mom. I lost my mom when I was 29 and I've been a wreck since...how can I do that to my kids??? And yet, I keep turning to wine/booze to relax from my life...

Dee74

I think its time to learn other ways of relaxation DG.

Do you have a therapist? that might be a good start. Sober support is important too.

If AA does not appeal, then what about some of the secular approaches - SMART, LifeRing, Rational Recovery.

If things are really bad - and I know you have kids - but maybe rehab needs to be a consideration?

D

LDT

Why not try letting your kids' mom live! Let her be happy and healthy and live to see her grandchildren. Do whatever it takes, because your kids need their mother. And I know you don't want to leave them.

I wish you well. Feel free to PM if you need to.

dancinggirl

Dee, my town doesn't have anything beyond AA. And it's sooo small that going to a therapist as a single mom is a definite risk to lose your kids. I would love to go to rehab, but I don't have anyone to watch my kids and not risk losing them. This is all excuses, I know. I have to just stop. I need to just smarten up, feel the lonliness, be isolated and deal with feeling isolated and the feelings and stop drinking. I'm weak. I'm a ****** person. And yes, this is self-wha-whaaa. I wish I was a stronger person. I really wasn't like this when my mom was alive...and I don't blame her. I just realized how much she carried me when she wasn't there and I found out I wasn't strong enough to carry myself. I hate being weak.

ReadyAndAble

But see, it's not like that. I mean, yes, you will have to face emotions, loneliness included, and learn ways to deal with those feelings in healthy ways. But I guarantee you, that dark cloud you see on the horizon will start to clear once you've been free of the bottle for a while. The addiction makes us think life will be harder without alcohol, when in fact it's the booze making us feel so miserable and hopeless in the first place. You can do this. Your addiction will try to convince you to give up, that there's no point to it. But you are going to be so grateful that you didn't give up!

Dee74

I'm not sure you can say you're weak if you've never really tried anything different for any significant stretch of time DG.

I thought I was weak too - turns out I was much stronger than I knew - but the fear of being sober was crippling.

Most of us are actually pretty strong.

Think about it: being a committed drinker and a mom, a business owner, and whatever else you are, is not for sissies..

and I'm not joking - trying to be a functional alcoholic year after year takes a lot of determination - you just need to direct that determination positively into the proper area.

Getting sober and staying that way is no picnic in the early stages but the fear is MUCH MUCH worse than the reality.

You don't need to face all your fears and emotional baggage at once either...noone starts exercising by running a 100 mile marathon

get sober first.
It all starts with a day one DG - you can do that. I've seen it

dancinggirl

When you have isolated all people away from you...even those you thought would never leave...and you have social anxiety....how do you become "normal"?? Honestly...most people would never know there's an issue here, but also, I don't socialize ever. I have awesome kids, a solid job, a great house....but I'm so isolated. Is that me, or the booze? I truly have no idea. I don't know if I really do have some kind of social anxiety, or just a justification??

Dee74

I was like that by the end too - the only time I left my apartment was to get more booze. Can't get much more isolated than that.

The way you get out of that is the same way you got in...day by day, inch by inch.

Luckily for us the way out is a *lot* quicker...but it still takes time and you'll still need patience and commitment...

As for being alone - there's literally thousand of people here who want to help you DG...you're so not alone

dancinggirl

Thank you, Dee. xo

FeelingGreat

dancing girl, does the fact that you posted again after all this time mean you're ready to start again? You'll get lots of support here, and I encourage you to go see your doctor and talk it over. It was a start for me, and yes it is confidential.
Unless you abuse your children, or put them in danger, I doubt there is a case for removing them from you. Especially if you attend AA.

dancinggirl

We don't have doctors here....it's a fight to be able to get a family doctor. And no... I don't abuse my kids. But isn't that subjective?? If a new doctor found out I"m a single mom, alcoholic, wouldn't the assumption be that my kids are lacking in care? I will never risk my kids being taken away. Ever.

CAPTAINZING2000

Your drinking can progress and that could happen. I hope not. Most alcoholics function for a while until, the drinking gets worse.

EndGameNYC

Is this the legacy you want to leave for your children?

Dying in this state...your children won't "only" lose their mom.

Nothing your children or anyone else can say will get you sober. How about sticking around long enough for you and your children to see what it's like to live alcohol-free?

PurpleKnight

The fact your still posting, 6 years on, indicates to me your still in the fight and reaching out for support.

All is not lost, it's far from over!! . . . as mentioned above your not in this alone!!

ReadyAtLast

Surely the fact you're still here shows you do want to quit on some level.

your children need you - surely you can't just accept you can't stop and going to die and leave them. Maybe put them first and do whatever you need to do to get sober. You have to fight,for your children's sake,if not your own.

Yes it's difficult but it can be done as thousands of people on here will tell you.

You're a single mum and won't get help because you don't want your kids taken off you. This makes no sense - If you die who is going to look after them then? Surely by getting help you give them a better chance of a better future with you. If you're drinking regularly then you are not being the best mum you could or should be anyway. I do understand as am a mum too but the thought of dying a self inflicted death due to alcohol and leaving my child motherless chills me to the bone. If I didn't have children I doubt I would have got sober. I got sober for my son but now stay sober for me too.

Try harder, try something different, do anything. You have to want to be sober more than you want to drink.

Marcher13

Hi dancinggirl. I picked up on this part of one of your posts because of something I was thinking about today...I was wondering how, when I was drinking, I had the time to drink, the time to be hungover, the time to recover from drinking and the time to do it all over again every day. I really did think that drinking relaxed me but it didn't, it exhausted me, the constant circle of drink-hungover-recover-drink-hungover-recover. There were never spaces of time to relax, reflect and think so I lived in a constant circle of stress.

The one thing you can do for your kids and yourself is put the booze just for today. Think about tomorrow, tomorrow.

venuscat

Have to agree with Marcher and Dee big time here dancinggirl....

You talk about how hard it feels to be alone...so many of us feel this way as we keep drinking. I know I did, for years.
The effort it takes to co-ordinate all of this is astounding. And having to deal with the hangovers every day makes everything in life harder to deal with.

I am not a mum. But I have family who need me ~ finally I can be there for them.
It's a wonderful feeling DG... I know you can do this. Please take all the support you can, and inch by inch, as Dee said, you can move forward into the life you really want.

Love Venus xx

FreeOwl

I know several moms who are single and alcoholic.

They're in AA, in recovery, and excellent moms... in no danger of losing their kids.

Moms who are alcoholic, drinking, and NOT in recovery are the moms who are at risk of losing their kids...

or their kids losing them to a tragic death.

Go give AA an honest shot. If you want to stop drinking, if you REALLY do... it will help.