How on earth do people abstain for life?
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Hi Wendolene, welcome to the board!
No need to apologize and you're not rambling
This is what this place is all about! We are all here for each other.
People abstain for life one moment at a time. The best way to do that is to not even think about it being for life. I promise you, once you get far enough out you won't have to dote over it being for life because you just won't care.
One moment at a time, that's all it takes. Sounds like you've got some great ideas to keep yourself busy too and that's key!
No need to apologize and you're not rambling
This is what this place is all about! We are all here for each other.People abstain for life one moment at a time. The best way to do that is to not even think about it being for life. I promise you, once you get far enough out you won't have to dote over it being for life because you just won't care.
One moment at a time, that's all it takes. Sounds like you've got some great ideas to keep yourself busy too and that's key!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 77
Thank you everyone for your very kind and helpful messages.
I saw the GP today, and the plan is to taper off the Diazepam by 2mg a day (or every other day if this ends up being too fast) and start on Pregabalin immediately for my anxiety.
I also have my first one-to-one counselling session tomorrow at the rehab centre where I spent my three weeks, as part of my aftercare package.
I have been keeping busy today with starting my packing to move house (with the help of a very sweet friend), so the cravings have taken a back seat for once.
You are certainly right about taking one day at a time (or sometimes a minute, or hour, if need be). Our guest speaker in rehab pretty much said the same thing 'you got drunk one day at a time, now you need to stay sober one day at a time'. I agree - it's a far healthier way of looking at things.
And I am grateful for every additional day that I have a clear head and feel in relatively good physical health for the first time in months.
I saw the GP today, and the plan is to taper off the Diazepam by 2mg a day (or every other day if this ends up being too fast) and start on Pregabalin immediately for my anxiety.
I also have my first one-to-one counselling session tomorrow at the rehab centre where I spent my three weeks, as part of my aftercare package.
I have been keeping busy today with starting my packing to move house (with the help of a very sweet friend), so the cravings have taken a back seat for once.
You are certainly right about taking one day at a time (or sometimes a minute, or hour, if need be). Our guest speaker in rehab pretty much said the same thing 'you got drunk one day at a time, now you need to stay sober one day at a time'. I agree - it's a far healthier way of looking at things.
And I am grateful for every additional day that I have a clear head and feel in relatively good physical health for the first time in months
.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Livonia, MI
Posts: 260
Ive been sober for over ten years. I was told in the beginning to not approach recovery with a "rest of my life" attitude. That thought was too overwhelming for me. Eventually not drinking just becomes who we are. But...in the beginning I said to myself..."I might drink tomorrow....but Im not drinking today". I just said that to myself every single morning....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 77
I am going to my first AA meeting tomorrow, hopefully, and I'm really scared about going it alone, rather than with my fellow rehab group. I'm very shy around new people, but hopefully it will be ok.
I'll probably feel a lot better once I've made that first step.
I'll probably feel a lot better once I've made that first step.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Bklyn. NY
Posts: 1,859
Staying sober for the rest of my life was inconceivable to me in the beginning of sobriety. I didn't want to, didn't think I had to, didn't think I was capable of doing it, and didn't think anyone else on the planet really did it. I'll never forget when I told the guy who was taking me to meetings the first few days how I felt regarding it. His reaction was priceless, and can't be conveyed in words. He freaked out and said he could never think of not drinking forwever! And he never goes there in his mind. Said he only had to not drink until he went to bed tonight. Sometimes, just this 5 mintutes. If he wanted to drink tomorrow, he would. But tomorrow doesn't exist. When you get down to the real meaning of it, it's just something we make up. All that's real is this moment. That helped me immensely.
Doing it that way I'd say it took about a year and a half clean before I started to realize that it was in fact a possibility, for me, to never drink or do drugs again. I'm now close to 30 years sober (I hate constantly repeating that, but I think it's important given how I felt initially), and have absolutely no desire to ever drink again. I have every intention of staying sober till I've moved onto the to the next big universal/spiritual adventure.
Regarding the anxiety/panic, and valium... I gotta say is eeek! on the valium. That was my supplement for alcohol, and equally (if not more) powerful in maintaining me as an anxious/panic ridden mess. It gives excellent temporary relief, but it destroyed my brain and made living in reality a whole lot harder than it actually is.
I went the complete med free route in sobriety for many different reasons, but people have to find what works best for them, and there may be easier ways. I knew that ultimeately however I wanted to be free of any dependencies whatsoever, and I wanted to be free from all that ailed me. I wanted it to be healed, not medicated. Not resorting to any chemicals to fix my pain forced me to find and utilize other things. AA, the 12 steps, therapy, changing my diet. exercise, reading, learning, and about 100 other things.
There is a life on the other side of what you're feeling and doing now. I didn't believe it when I was in your shoes. Being in mine now, I promise it's true.
Last note: I saw a movie in early sobriety that scared the crap out of me regarding valium. I'm Dancing as Fast as I Can. Not sure if it's good movie to watch while getting off medication, but for people who've been there and gotten to the other side, I remember it being an important watch.
Doing it that way I'd say it took about a year and a half clean before I started to realize that it was in fact a possibility, for me, to never drink or do drugs again. I'm now close to 30 years sober (I hate constantly repeating that, but I think it's important given how I felt initially), and have absolutely no desire to ever drink again. I have every intention of staying sober till I've moved onto the to the next big universal/spiritual adventure.
Regarding the anxiety/panic, and valium... I gotta say is eeek! on the valium. That was my supplement for alcohol, and equally (if not more) powerful in maintaining me as an anxious/panic ridden mess. It gives excellent temporary relief, but it destroyed my brain and made living in reality a whole lot harder than it actually is.
I went the complete med free route in sobriety for many different reasons, but people have to find what works best for them, and there may be easier ways. I knew that ultimeately however I wanted to be free of any dependencies whatsoever, and I wanted to be free from all that ailed me. I wanted it to be healed, not medicated. Not resorting to any chemicals to fix my pain forced me to find and utilize other things. AA, the 12 steps, therapy, changing my diet. exercise, reading, learning, and about 100 other things.
There is a life on the other side of what you're feeling and doing now. I didn't believe it when I was in your shoes. Being in mine now, I promise it's true.
Last note: I saw a movie in early sobriety that scared the crap out of me regarding valium. I'm Dancing as Fast as I Can. Not sure if it's good movie to watch while getting off medication, but for people who've been there and gotten to the other side, I remember it being an important watch.
Keeping it simple!
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Surrey, BC
Posts: 3,282
Originally Posted by Wendolene 
My rehab programme focused on lifelong abstinence, and I feel like giving it up for a year is going to be hard, let alone life.
I am a one day at a time girl. My only requirement for not drinking is to get thru today without drinking. I don't think about tomorrow, a week from now, a year from now or 5 years from now. I only focus on today. That has been my motto for 18 months now. Keep it simple for yourself. Just focus on not drinking today.
Also I definitely went thru a grieving process when I lost the alcohol.
here is one thread that you could look thru:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ges-grief.html
Hugs to you, I know this is hard.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Thanks for your post Wendolene. I think you have described how it feels to be sober with an anxiety disorder very well. No, it isn't always the easy option, but what you will get out of being sober is well worth the effort. For me I had no option but to quit at the end, and for good too, even though I may not have wanted to. But the longer I have stayed sober the more benefits I have seen and the more I have wanted to hold on to it. In the beginning I treated it almost as an experiment. I found it tough for quite a while but I decided to stick it out to see what would happen. Obviously drinking wasn't a good solution so maybe sobriety would be. And as it turns out it is.
One thing I would suggest is that don't let anyone fob you off with the anxiety disorder. I know for myself that a lot of my anxiety came from the massive life change that getting sober is. Learning to live without a crutch isn't easy and like you say, sitting with those emotions can be very draining. But it is worth learning to. Even your anxiety. I found I had to make friends with my anxiety (in part cos it wasn't going anywhere so I had no choice). In reality it is useful at times and learning where it comes from can really help. You can't do that while drinking. For myself I found out there were underlying causes for my anxiety which weren't just the usual life stuff or depression. Having a good therapist figure that out for me has been really useful and working with them to manage it is a revelation for me at the moment. But it took a long time in sobriety to figure out what my base level of anxiety was. Drinking it was horrendous, but sober it was insidious and subtle but damaging nonetheless. I would recommend one of the hazelden books called 'Of course you're anxious' which is only a little one but has lots of good tips in there. Otherwise just hang in there and make sure you get the right help you need. It will be worth it in the long run x
One thing I would suggest is that don't let anyone fob you off with the anxiety disorder. I know for myself that a lot of my anxiety came from the massive life change that getting sober is. Learning to live without a crutch isn't easy and like you say, sitting with those emotions can be very draining. But it is worth learning to. Even your anxiety. I found I had to make friends with my anxiety (in part cos it wasn't going anywhere so I had no choice). In reality it is useful at times and learning where it comes from can really help. You can't do that while drinking. For myself I found out there were underlying causes for my anxiety which weren't just the usual life stuff or depression. Having a good therapist figure that out for me has been really useful and working with them to manage it is a revelation for me at the moment. But it took a long time in sobriety to figure out what my base level of anxiety was. Drinking it was horrendous, but sober it was insidious and subtle but damaging nonetheless. I would recommend one of the hazelden books called 'Of course you're anxious' which is only a little one but has lots of good tips in there. Otherwise just hang in there and make sure you get the right help you need. It will be worth it in the long run x
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