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Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 1
Hello
This is my first time posting. I have been reading posts for a few weeks now and they have been helpful.
I have gone 22 days without alcohol, which is the longest I’ve gone without a drink in almost 10 years.
I don’t feel comfortable giving myself a label because I’m not sure about what they mean, and depending on who you talk to they mean something different.
I know I have a problem with drinking too much and too often. I also know I’m pretty good at it. I can usually get by on a massive hangover. I get my job done. I don’t drink and drive, don’t hit my kids, don’t yell at my wife, don't cheat, lie, nor steal.
I know that my family, especially my wife, mother, and father are concerned about how much a drink, and when I’m honest with myself I too am concerned.
I don’t know that I’ll never drink again. That really bums me out to think about, never drinking again. Partly because I don’t know if I could do that and I don’t want to let anyone down. Also because I don’t want to. I like wine and beer and whisky. I feel like there is something wrong with me if I can’t enjoy them without always wanting to down at least 5 drinks, if not 10 or more.
I do know I’ve gone 22 days without a drink, and other than the hangover for the first day or so it hasn’t felt that hard. Not like what I’ve read about from other people. If you’ve seen the movie ‘Half Baked’ I feel like the Dave Chappelle character when he went to a meeting. Very awkward and like I’m making light of people who have it worse than I do.
I know I took some advice from a post (not sure if it was here or some other site) to separate the booze brain and tell ‘it’ that it can’t have a drink. That helped, as I imagine Golem from The Hobbit telling me it ‘wants the precious,’ and I respond by telling him where to get off. That helps me get past the urges to have a drink.
I know that I don’t know what tomorrow will be like. But I also know that I’m going to try to make it home today, hug my wife and kids, read my book, go to sleep and chalk up day 23.
I have gone 22 days without alcohol, which is the longest I’ve gone without a drink in almost 10 years.
I don’t feel comfortable giving myself a label because I’m not sure about what they mean, and depending on who you talk to they mean something different.
I know I have a problem with drinking too much and too often. I also know I’m pretty good at it. I can usually get by on a massive hangover. I get my job done. I don’t drink and drive, don’t hit my kids, don’t yell at my wife, don't cheat, lie, nor steal.
I know that my family, especially my wife, mother, and father are concerned about how much a drink, and when I’m honest with myself I too am concerned.
I don’t know that I’ll never drink again. That really bums me out to think about, never drinking again. Partly because I don’t know if I could do that and I don’t want to let anyone down. Also because I don’t want to. I like wine and beer and whisky. I feel like there is something wrong with me if I can’t enjoy them without always wanting to down at least 5 drinks, if not 10 or more.
I do know I’ve gone 22 days without a drink, and other than the hangover for the first day or so it hasn’t felt that hard. Not like what I’ve read about from other people. If you’ve seen the movie ‘Half Baked’ I feel like the Dave Chappelle character when he went to a meeting. Very awkward and like I’m making light of people who have it worse than I do.
I know I took some advice from a post (not sure if it was here or some other site) to separate the booze brain and tell ‘it’ that it can’t have a drink. That helped, as I imagine Golem from The Hobbit telling me it ‘wants the precious,’ and I respond by telling him where to get off. That helps me get past the urges to have a drink.
I know that I don’t know what tomorrow will be like. But I also know that I’m going to try to make it home today, hug my wife and kids, read my book, go to sleep and chalk up day 23.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Welcome to SR.
I felt the same way when I was first quitting. And I accepted that there was something wrong with me if I couldn't not drink or couldn't control my drinking once I started. That thing "wrong" with me is called alcoholism. Feeling remorse about not drinking is a waste of mental energy. I've accepted it and I've accepted that I can't drink.
Hope you can too.
Originally Posted by PGAdman42 
I feel like there is something wrong with me if I can’t enjoy them without always wanting to down at least 5 drinks, if not 10 or more.
Hope you can too.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
I think you've made a good choice PGA and great work on 22 days. I felt the same as you - still had my job, my wife, my kids and my family but i knew my drinking was getting out of control, and so did those around me. I was the mythical "functioning alcoholic"
I tried every form of moderation possible - Drinking only at home, drinking only on weekends, drinking only after 5pm, drinking only 1 beer at a sitting/day, quitting for a while and then staring again, etc, etc, etc...
For me, I found that every time I tried something like this I inevitably settled back into heavy, daily drinking eventually. And each subsequent return to drinking got worse.
I finally decided that i cannot drink responsibly. You have many of the warning signs of that in your post as well, but it's really up to you do decide where you stand. I can tell you that it will get worse if you go back to drinking- that's almost a 100% guarantee. People lose their jobs, their wives, their homes and even their lives if they continue to let alcohol control them. It happens every day and you will read about it here.
This is a great place to find support, it's my sole method. I wish you the best of luck on your continued current sobriety, as well as your long term decision on where you stand with alcohol.
I tried every form of moderation possible - Drinking only at home, drinking only on weekends, drinking only after 5pm, drinking only 1 beer at a sitting/day, quitting for a while and then staring again, etc, etc, etc...
For me, I found that every time I tried something like this I inevitably settled back into heavy, daily drinking eventually. And each subsequent return to drinking got worse.
I finally decided that i cannot drink responsibly. You have many of the warning signs of that in your post as well, but it's really up to you do decide where you stand. I can tell you that it will get worse if you go back to drinking- that's almost a 100% guarantee. People lose their jobs, their wives, their homes and even their lives if they continue to let alcohol control them. It happens every day and you will read about it here.
This is a great place to find support, it's my sole method. I wish you the best of luck on your continued current sobriety, as well as your long term decision on where you stand with alcohol.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
You don't have to put a label on yourself. Even membership or attendance at AA doesn't require that you say you're an alcoholic, only that you have a desire to stop drinking. And it sounds like you do. Quitting could be for any number of reasons.
I was a "functioning" alcoholic. I never lost my job. Didn't lie cheat or steal. Kept the roof over my head. cars paid off. But is the measure of what is really an alcoholic judged by whether you hit your kids, yell at people, live under bridges, etc. etc.? No. I just couldn't put down the bottle. Even now, I know that I am an alcoholic. When I think of having a drink, and I sometimes do, it is never a thought that I will have just a couple...unless it is a couple of bottles. No moderation. If you feel like quitting that is great. Congrats on 22 days. That is awesome. This is a great place to come for support and perspective.
I was a "functioning" alcoholic. I never lost my job. Didn't lie cheat or steal. Kept the roof over my head. cars paid off. But is the measure of what is really an alcoholic judged by whether you hit your kids, yell at people, live under bridges, etc. etc.? No. I just couldn't put down the bottle. Even now, I know that I am an alcoholic. When I think of having a drink, and I sometimes do, it is never a thought that I will have just a couple...unless it is a couple of bottles. No moderation. If you feel like quitting that is great. Congrats on 22 days. That is awesome. This is a great place to come for support and perspective.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 115
I know I took some advice from a post (not sure if it was here or some other site) to separate the booze brain and tell ‘it’ that it can’t have a drink. That helped, as I imagine Golem from The Hobbit telling me it ‘wants the precious,’ and I respond by telling him where to get off.
Haha! That is great! Lol!
Good for you for quitting while you're ahead. If you have a problem with alcohol is is unlikely to get better but almost guaranteed to get worse. And in my experience it went from what you describe to a problem very quickly without me even noticing. Good luck!
Haha! That is great! Lol!
Good for you for quitting while you're ahead. If you have a problem with alcohol is is unlikely to get better but almost guaranteed to get worse. And in my experience it went from what you describe to a problem very quickly without me even noticing. Good luck!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Upper Midwest
Posts: 1,730
Welcome to SR, PGA. Like you, I wasn't at "rock bottom" when I had my last drink in August. I still had a good job and a pretty decent life. But I felt like things were getting worse. I was drinking more, my work and my relationships were suffering and I was having some physical effects from drinking too much.
By not having hit that rock bottom, I think it is easier in a sense to second-guess whether quitting has to be a permanent thing. I struggled with that a lot during the first few months.
Keep reading. Post when you are able. You will find a lot of support and helpful advice from the good people here.
Good luck. I am glad you are here with us.
By not having hit that rock bottom, I think it is easier in a sense to second-guess whether quitting has to be a permanent thing. I struggled with that a lot during the first few months.
Keep reading. Post when you are able. You will find a lot of support and helpful advice from the good people here.
Good luck. I am glad you are here with us.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 115
Also, I've never been fired, never abused my family, I don't lie or steal, I take care of my responsibilities. But when I drink I don't want to stop and I feel awful afterwards. You don't have to be on skid row to be an alcoholic.
Realising my life
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Dorset, England
Posts: 3,656
Originally Posted by PGAdman42
I know I took some advice from a post (not sure if it was here or some other site) to separate the booze brain and tell ‘it’ that it can’t have a drink. That helped, as I imagine Golem from The Hobbit telling me it ‘wants the precious,’ and I respond by telling him where to get off. That helps me get past the urges to have a drink.
.
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I love the thought of Golem as your AV!
I think I will adopt him, too, if you don't mind. It would be a real pleasure to tell him where to go! 
Congratulations, too, on your sober time. Just take it one day at a time for now and don't think about forever. Chances are you'll feel so much peace and freedom by not battling with booze that, before long, you will genuinely never want to drink again
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