Despondent with husband
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: London
Posts: 3
Despondent with husband
My husband was made redundant a year ago due to his work being outsourced abroad.
He had always been a big drinker and I suspected that it had been affecting his work before he lost his job (which was confirmed by the dr in Jan of last year when he was given 10 years to live if he continued drinking the way he was) but things began to get a lot worse after he lost his job. He moped around for months completely lacking motivation in finding a job.
Things came to a head in the summer when I left to see some friends without him with our 2 children as I had had enough of his behaviour. He finally admitted that he had a problem and to seek professional help. He religiously went to meetings and AA meetings for approx. 3 months after which he went back into denial about having a problem.
He is looking for work but despite getting interest has not got the past couple of jobs which he was interviewed for. We have now run out of his redundancy money and I am completely at my wits end. Even if he manages to secure a job, I am extremely concerned that he will be unable to hold it down. I have some savings which are meant to be my pension which we are now going to have to use.
My little ones are 4 and 1 and I have been at home with them due to the cost of childcare but am seriously thinking that I may have to get a job although I can't see how it will cover all of our living costs (he doesn't want to stay at home with the kids and I wouldn't want him to- he spends most of it sleeping on the sofa at the moment), and I can't bear the thought of financing his addiction..
Has anyone been in a similar situation and come out of the other side with success as I am utterly despondent. I am attending a 'friends and family' group and having counselling and fully appreciate that he has to come to the point where he wants help, but he thinks that finding a job will solve everything. It will of course help our financial situation but I don't want to be a widow in 9 years time...Thanks in anticipation..
He had always been a big drinker and I suspected that it had been affecting his work before he lost his job (which was confirmed by the dr in Jan of last year when he was given 10 years to live if he continued drinking the way he was) but things began to get a lot worse after he lost his job. He moped around for months completely lacking motivation in finding a job.
Things came to a head in the summer when I left to see some friends without him with our 2 children as I had had enough of his behaviour. He finally admitted that he had a problem and to seek professional help. He religiously went to meetings and AA meetings for approx. 3 months after which he went back into denial about having a problem.
He is looking for work but despite getting interest has not got the past couple of jobs which he was interviewed for. We have now run out of his redundancy money and I am completely at my wits end. Even if he manages to secure a job, I am extremely concerned that he will be unable to hold it down. I have some savings which are meant to be my pension which we are now going to have to use.
My little ones are 4 and 1 and I have been at home with them due to the cost of childcare but am seriously thinking that I may have to get a job although I can't see how it will cover all of our living costs (he doesn't want to stay at home with the kids and I wouldn't want him to- he spends most of it sleeping on the sofa at the moment), and I can't bear the thought of financing his addiction..
Has anyone been in a similar situation and come out of the other side with success as I am utterly despondent. I am attending a 'friends and family' group and having counselling and fully appreciate that he has to come to the point where he wants help, but he thinks that finding a job will solve everything. It will of course help our financial situation but I don't want to be a widow in 9 years time...Thanks in anticipation..
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Welcome to SR, Sparkle!
I am sorry you are having a tough time of it. There is a section of the SR forums specifically for the family and friends of alcoholics. If you post your question there you might get more responses from friends and family.
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Best of Luck on Your Journey!
I am sorry you are having a tough time of it. There is a section of the SR forums specifically for the family and friends of alcoholics. If you post your question there you might get more responses from friends and family.
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Best of Luck on Your Journey!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: against the grain
Posts: 746
Hi Sparkle. All I can say is that I relate to and understand your situation. It's very, very hard, I know. I'm/we're working through some similar stuff, for sure. Keep reaching out. The Friends forum is a good place to start. There is hope. People do come out of this.
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