My Heart
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Port ELizabeth
Posts: 27
My Heart
I have been reading all the posts since i have joined a few weeks ago, not yet made one day sober though. I will not give up and keep reading how alcohol destroys lives till i catch a wake up. My heart is so sore. When i was in rehab i feel in love with my counsellor. I confessed this to him and the psychologist and we "worked " through it. Once i left rehab i stayed in contact with him. One day he confessed that he had feelings for me and we decided to meet. Not even 2 months after i left rehab. I was totally in love with him and he said that i should just wait a few months then he will speak to his manager and sure he will understand that we love each other.. well this never happened and he now said i need to wait a year. Soon after this i relapsed and my emotions were all over the place. I dont blame him for my relapse i just still feel a little used.. perhaps he is sincere and we can be together after a year .. but i believe they actually have to wait 2 years so maybe he is lying to me again.. So now i find comfort in alcohol again and get scared of the thought of stopping cause i am lonely... I am a divorced mother of 2 beautiful kids.. Well now that i have written it all down i hope my mind and heart will make the right decision. You guys are all great on SR.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
I'm really not sure how you will be able to love another while destroying yourself....
I wonder if you are ready to see this as an opportunity to focus on returning YOU to a place of love and health.... and worry about love relationships down the road.
I wonder if you are ready to see this as an opportunity to focus on returning YOU to a place of love and health.... and worry about love relationships down the road.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Livonia, MI
Posts: 260
Your counselor crossed a very serious professional line. If anyone should know the vulnerability of someone in early recovery it should have been him. I think you should entertain the idea that you "fell in love" with him because he was simply 'there' and a man. He was a man that was being paid to listen and council you. Maybe you don't really love him. Maybe you just latched on to the first person who seemed to care. That is the first thing counselors are told NOT TO DO. You DONT date clients. This really bothers me. He took advantage of you in my opinion. Don't worry about if he will be there after a year. Worry about YOU and YOUR RECOVERY. No telling how many times he has done this either....
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,534
Hi Need. What a tough spot to be in. You know that alcohol will not make anything better. Get yourself sober again and work from there. Alcohol is not your boyfriend, it only makes life more difficult.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: East Coast, USA
Posts: 214
Hello NeedSupport and welcome to SR! I feel for you and the situation you have found yourself in. It must be hard. I have a mental health professional background and your counselor was very inappropriate to even express intimate feelings towards you. You are in a fragile state and its written in our ethics that we should not communicate with a client outside a therapeutic context for a certain amount of time (at least 2yrs for most professions) if at all. Some would argue its inappropriate no matter how much time has passed. When in therapy a counselor listens attentively, looks you in the eye, helps you find yourself and reach your goals, etc. Your counselor studied and trained to be that way while at work. Chances are he is a normal person with imperfections in his personal life.
Please do not be fooled NeedSupport, this type of situation is no good. Your counselor knows quite a lot about you on a vulnerable level but chances are you know very little about him. I say run the other way and focus on getting healthy. There are so many red flags! Think of it like students who fall in love with teachers or an employee who has an affair with the boss - extremely toxic situations with one person holding more power than the other.
Please do not be fooled NeedSupport, this type of situation is no good. Your counselor knows quite a lot about you on a vulnerable level but chances are you know very little about him. I say run the other way and focus on getting healthy. There are so many red flags! Think of it like students who fall in love with teachers or an employee who has an affair with the boss - extremely toxic situations with one person holding more power than the other.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Livonia, MI
Posts: 260
In rehab its very common for people to become smitten with eachother. Its called "Rehab Romance". Never works though. So I can see how you could become smitten with your councilor. It was HIS responsibility to nip it in the bud immediately. He should have given your case to another councilor due to conflicts of interest. FOR YOUR SAKE. Im sorry...but, this makes me ill.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
Welcome to SR! 
I'd forget about the counselor if I were you. He crossed a line in accepting your affection and shouldn't have done that. I'd concentrate on my own recovery and forget about him.
I'd forget about the counselor if I were you. He crossed a line in accepting your affection and shouldn't have done that. I'd concentrate on my own recovery and forget about him.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,451
Hi needsupport
It's very common for patients to form attachments with, or develop feelings for, their counsellors - I did it for years.
Like you say I was lonely and desperate not to be. A kind word was often interpreted as much more by me.
Thankfully, looking back, my counsellors were always professional.
This guy sounds like bad news to me, I'm afraid. It sounds to me like he's taken advantage of your loneliness and is now stringing you along.
Noone is worth relapsing for, especially not a guy like this.
You deserve better, and I'm sure you'll find it - focus on your recovery and your family for now - when the time is right I'm sure things will fall into place and you'll meet Mr Right.
It's very common for patients to form attachments with, or develop feelings for, their counsellors - I did it for years.
Like you say I was lonely and desperate not to be. A kind word was often interpreted as much more by me.
Thankfully, looking back, my counsellors were always professional.
This guy sounds like bad news to me, I'm afraid. It sounds to me like he's taken advantage of your loneliness and is now stringing you along.
Noone is worth relapsing for, especially not a guy like this.
You deserve better, and I'm sure you'll find it - focus on your recovery and your family for now - when the time is right I'm sure things will fall into place and you'll meet Mr Right.
forget about that guy!!
Keeping it simple!
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Surrey, BC
Posts: 3,282
Originally Posted by Needsupport3 
perhaps he is sincere and we can be together after a year .. but i believe they actually have to wait 2 years so maybe he is lying to me again..
This guy is a predator plain and simple. Takes advantage of those that are vulnerable. It's people like this that give counselling a bad name.
You should report him and if you have any emails and texts from him you should also include them.
Unfortunately you are probably not the only one he has done this to and you won't be the last. He shouldn't be allowed to victimize anyone else.
Please don't let someone like this interfere in your recovery. They are so not worth it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Port ELizabeth
Posts: 27
Thank you so much everyone!! , its good to hear what my heart and head and been telling me all along. I am still guilty though, it was both of us. But I will forgive and move on and hope to start my recovery very soon again !!
, its good to hear what my heart and head and been telling me all along. I am still guilty though, it was both of us. But I will forgive and move on and hope to start my recovery very soon again !!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Livonia, MI
Posts: 260
Originally Posted by Needsupport3
Thank you so much everyone!! , its good to hear what my heart and head and been telling me all along. I am still guilty though, it was both of us. But I will forgive and move on and hope to start my recovery very soon again !!
, its good to hear what my heart and head and been telling me all along. I am still guilty though, it was both of us. But I will forgive and move on and hope to start my recovery very soon again !!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Livonia, MI
Posts: 260
Oh..no no no....a trip through rehab is never wasted. You still have all the knowledge you obtained while there don't you? You obviously still have the burning desire for recovery don't you? And may I ask WHY you wont have another opportunity to go to rehab again? I know people who have been 15 times before they "got it"
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Livonia, MI
Posts: 260
Square one was when you were actively using with no plans on quitting...no desire to quit. THATS square one. You are exactly where you should be. You still want recovery don't you? How is THAT EVER 'square one' ??
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