What if...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,075
What if...
I am tired of fighting.
I want a better life!
I DESERVE a better life!
What if...I if I get rid of all the alcohol in the house and all the benzos? Would it help? I know I might be in hell for a few days, but I am in hell now knowing they're around.
What if?
I want a better life!
I DESERVE a better life!
What if...I if I get rid of all the alcohol in the house and all the benzos? Would it help? I know I might be in hell for a few days, but I am in hell now knowing they're around.
What if?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,075
I got rid of half of it. And I'm crying as if I'd thrown my favourite shoes into the garbage bin. I actually feel like the day I told my ex I wanted the divorce. I don't know if I can go on with my life alone but at the same time I can't live with a cheater anymore! Does it make sense?
I think I'm losing my mind!
I think I'm losing my mind!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Island Park , NY
Posts: 373
Patricia, if you get rid of the other 1/2's you will become whole! The initial pain and discomfort will go away in time, YOU DO DESERVE A BETTER LIFE! And so shall you have one if you hold on for the ride. Only you can do it , with the help of all the great people on SR, IMHO! You Go Girl! Stay Strong and Well!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,075
Yes Dee. Some silly weekend doctor gave a prescription for 50 lorazepam. I have been taking only one a day but I know this is going to be a problem. I already have horrible panic attacks when the effects wear off.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,075
Yes I have a family doctor. But he's on holidays until the 26th. I don't trust the other doctors in the clinic. All the do is give you more prescriptions...and gosh that's the last thing I need: withdrawals from alcohol and side effects from SSRIs...or more addictions from benzos...I just want to be clean! But I am terrified!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,075
All the wine and rum are outside in the garbage can. I am in Canada...even if I change my mind, everything will be frozen in within 30 minutes. And tomorrow is garbage day.
I didn't throw away the benzos yet. I need to hide in the laundry room and have a good cry first.
I didn't throw away the benzos yet. I need to hide in the laundry room and have a good cry first.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
sheeeweeee. that fear of the unknown- fear of what life would be like clean and sober- was a bugger for me. but I was given the greatest gift I had ever been given:
the gift of desperation. I knew if I kept goin on like I was, there wasn't gonna be a good ending( unless a self inflicted bottle/pill wound would be considered a good end).
so I narrowed it down to 2 choices: death or get help.
but,man, getting help was scarey!!! what was I gonna have to do? what was gonna happen? could I possibly stop drinkin/drugging and have a life?all I had been doin anyways was just existing! I knew I couldn't help myself and my thinkin surely wasn't gonna help as that's how I got to the point of desperation.
there was only one way to find out: get some courage and make a decision to go to any lengths for victory over alcoholism/addiction.
it was scarey. everything, I mean EVERYTHING was new.
but i kept the courage to face everything and learn how to live sober.
courage was the 2nd greatest gift i have ever been given.
something i hope will put a smile on yer face:
"I think I'm losing my mind! "
ya still got a mind to lose!!
prayers out for ya!
the gift of desperation. I knew if I kept goin on like I was, there wasn't gonna be a good ending( unless a self inflicted bottle/pill wound would be considered a good end).
so I narrowed it down to 2 choices: death or get help.
but,man, getting help was scarey!!! what was I gonna have to do? what was gonna happen? could I possibly stop drinkin/drugging and have a life?all I had been doin anyways was just existing! I knew I couldn't help myself and my thinkin surely wasn't gonna help as that's how I got to the point of desperation.
there was only one way to find out: get some courage and make a decision to go to any lengths for victory over alcoholism/addiction.
it was scarey. everything, I mean EVERYTHING was new.
but i kept the courage to face everything and learn how to live sober.
courage was the 2nd greatest gift i have ever been given.
something i hope will put a smile on yer face:
"I think I'm losing my mind! "
ya still got a mind to lose!!
prayers out for ya!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,075
Originally Posted by Nonsensical 
What happens, exactly, when you freak out?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,075
Originally Posted by tomsteve
there was only one way to find out: get some courage and make a decision to go to any lengths for victory over alcoholism/addiction.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
Sorry you're in such a pickle. A lot of us have been in that same boat, and I am sure that 100% of us who have ditched the pills and the booze will say that we have a better (if not more manageable) life today. Your addiction will continue to tell you that you need these things, and it's a very powerful vice. I hope your better half that knows what's best will win this battle.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
