Babs78756

Good Morning Folks.
I come with a heavy heart and head hung low. I can't stand to even see how many times I written a similar post. I was so nervous to come back that I tried to open a new account but that's not honest. I screwed up but I'm back and I never want to leave.

I was a part of the December club and made it 38 days and decided I could have a few glasses of wine with some friends at dinner. That lasted about two weeks and I found myself this week cutting out of work to come home early, cracking a 2nd bottle of wine by 3:30 and a slue of drunk dials to pepper the road of shame. I cannot even describe how it happened. It's like there was a week of a fog and I was on some sort of alcoholic auto pilot... the curtain came down on this destruction when my husband arrived home from a business trip and I drove home after another dinner with friends where I could barely stand. He had earlier said that maybe I wasn't an alcoholic but that I needed to watch my drinking and he would help me with that. After a few episodes like this, its no longer a question. I knew the answer all along but in that sneaky, lying way, I thought if I do't tell him I'm an alcoholic, that means the door is still open to drink in the future... I'm coming back into these rooms an absolute casualty of this disease. Humbled and embarrassed, yet again.

What I know, is the shame will lessen every day. I will start to glimpse the woman I know a little at a time and each day will get better. I also know that getting cocky about my sober time ends up with me at the liquor store parading around as a 'social, normal drinker'. Lies. I have to stay close here. Be honest with a close few, (which I have been) and start stringing days together to build some sort of trust in this life. Anyway thank you all for being on this site. Thank you for sharing your stories and thank you for helping those who take a few more times to learn that we still belong somewhere.

Nonsensical

Welcome back to the fight of Your Life.

IOAA2

Hi. I feel like a broken record, remember them? In my sobering up I needed to get totally honest about my drinking and not forget about it. Next I needed to remember that if I don't pick up the first drink I don't have to try to sober up AGAIN. AND remember the pain involved.

BE WELL

GypsyHeart

I've fallen so many times and I've been afraid to come back here too. So I understand how you feel. But give yourself credit for trying again... and again if you have to. I did over and over and over. Who is to say that I won't have to do it over again too. I certainly don't know what the future holds. I do know right now it isn't drinking. It's not drinking because I am choosing not to drink today.... I got too many other things to do. Welcome back!!!!

Goose1

Welcome Home Babs ! I once heard that this addiction is like being in a Jail Cell with a key in the Cell Door. Acceptance is what allowed me to turn that key to freedom. I have a few early posts that I saved, that I go back and read once in a while to remind me of where I was at when I finally said "I had enough." As far as putting time together, right now is the most important time I have. You have already proven you can do this and are worth much, much more. I believe you want and can do this thing called "Sobriety." Oh, and by the way, its pretty cool that you have a husband that cares about you, my wife is the same way.

HeartsAfire

I get it, Babs. We all do. My story is your story and yours is mine.

Welcome back. We saved your spot.

Iffyspidee

When reading your post I was reminded of the Japanese proverb "Fall down seven times, stand up eight.". You've fallen down, but you've stood up again, and that is admirable (IMO).

I wish I had some great advice, but just know you're not alone.

Anna

Hi Babs,

I, too, tried to convince my husband I could keep the door open to moderated drinking...until it became very clear that I couldn't. It was an awful moment, because I knew there was no return.

But, this will give you a chance to be the person you want to be.

waterscapes

We've all been there! I give you a lot of credit for coming back here and trying again!

Mags1

Hi Babs glad you came back x

I wanted to stop for years but not completely,just cut down and be a sensible drinker, so I would cut down, then drinking until it spiralled out of control and start all over again.

Only thing for me was to stop all together.

MariahGayle

Glad your back here Babs - Jump back in with us in the December class too ((Hugs))

reflection

Welcome back, babs!

dirk626

I feel the same way Babs. After 45 days something just went wrong. Earlier that day I had been marveling in my head about how great sobriety was. I also thought of opening a new account. LOL. I tried to start a string of new posts but I'm embarrassed and just want to hide in the shadows.

Mountainmanbob

oh yes how I remember -- you remind me of me
it was only when I crawled back to the sober trail with my tail between my legs
did I realize once more what a fool I had been once again
returning to the drink does help us to realize one thing for sure
yes -- no doubts now -- I'm an alcoholic
this is a great beginning
to a new lasting sober life that many drunks never get to see

now we are convinced
and God has granted us yet another chance
makes one very grateful realizing
many do not get another chance such as this
why am I so very fortunate

I will not take this for granted again
I will look at each day sober as a true blessing

Mountainman

PS
came back so as to add this
I was involved in AA meetings
took a lot of different tokens for my sobriety dates
it was so very hard returning to my AA home group and reporting to them once again
yes -- Mountainman had slipped -- gotten drunk -- yet again
but -- this humbling experience as I look back today was a very good thing for me

thus the title of this thread -- Humility Delivered.

milly4me

It takes courage to come back...there's no shame, only respect and good wishes. You got it this time.

Hope4Life

Now that you have laid your story out for all of us see, I would recommend that you log on and read this post BEFORE you ever pick up another drink. In my case, that is one of my most powerful tools to staying sober.

It's not easy to admit your mistake but you may just stop someone from making the same error in judgement with this post.

Glad to hear your husband is such an understanding man. You are a VERY lucky lady!

Hawkeye13

Welcome back on the path to success! We are glad you are here

least

Welcome back. I'm glad you're trying again.

kluhs

i have fallen for this trick so many times too ... telling myself that i've proven i don't have a problem and then trying ot moderate ... the mere fact that i was thinking about alcohol while not drinking is a dead giveaway - that ain't normal and under control ... when you are fighting a bigger stronger opponent, you don't take him head on ... and that is what i learned with alcohol, don't underestimate him and don't stare him down and tell him you can control him, because we can't he wins everytime when we fight him on his terms

Hevyn

Hi Babs! I'm so glad you came here and told all about it - I think it'll really help with the anxiety you're feeling. You know you're among friends and we all understand.

I did the same thing for years. I like your description - 'alcoholic auto pilot' - I totally get it. The last time I crashed & burned was after being sober 3 yrs. It was the most horrible tailspin ever, and I almost didn't live to tell the tale. You sound determined to make it work this time - we know you can.