SO SO Mad At Myself
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
The honesty is that there isn't a person on this board who hasn't felt the way that you do right now and we know how painful it is. You want to take it back and you want the whole event to go away. We understand that feeling oh so well.
The short of it is that you drank and how you choose to count your sobriety days is up to you. However sobriety works best when you're totally honest with yourself. If you choose to deny what happened this time it's going to breed further decisions to drink based on the premise that maybe it really doesn't matter. It's the same concept as "I'll quit drinking on Monday" or "This will be the last night that I drink". You excused this episode so why not excuse another?
I think you already knew the answer to your question but wanted to share what happened. That is a big positive. You're among like minded people here and there's no judgement. You did what you did, that doesn't mean that you negate the 18 days that you didn't drink.
Get up, dust yourself off, and keep at it. You CAN do this!
The short of it is that you drank and how you choose to count your sobriety days is up to you. However sobriety works best when you're totally honest with yourself. If you choose to deny what happened this time it's going to breed further decisions to drink based on the premise that maybe it really doesn't matter. It's the same concept as "I'll quit drinking on Monday" or "This will be the last night that I drink". You excused this episode so why not excuse another?
I think you already knew the answer to your question but wanted to share what happened. That is a big positive. You're among like minded people here and there's no judgement. You did what you did, that doesn't mean that you negate the 18 days that you didn't drink.
Get up, dust yourself off, and keep at it. You CAN do this!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: "In Every Climb and Place"
Posts: 549
More than your 18 days sober and more than knowing you are Mad at yourself for this. I am more impressed with your Honesty. I agree with Leana. I seen were Trace Atkins had 12 years Sober and drank. Today or Day 1 is just as important as Day 18 or Day 365. Sure we all want to gain Sobriety time. Time certainly has too help with the healing process. The most important day is today. I've had to start over after months of Sobriety and regretted those times I picked up. So don't beat yourself up and learn from your mistake. I wish my Sobriety date fell on the 29th. Great Number!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: USA Virginia
Posts: 294
Next time you run intonation situation like that you'll remember how were so so mad yourself. I had to start over but feel stronger this time. Good job on stopping instead of letting it go too far.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: My city of ruins...
Posts: 593
Don't let all of the semantics make you dwell on it. It's over. Done. You left. You did the right thing for someone who wants to live a sober life.
Everyone has their own tools - counting days is a positive and successful tool for some. For others, it is not. Whatever you choose this is not a contest to see who can rack up the most consecutive days. We are all fighting for our lives here, against a very formidable opponent, and no matter what just be true to yourself. You either want to live sober or not. There are no report cards or gold medals - figure out what tools work best for you and soldier on.
Personally, I don't care if someone has 1000 days or 1 - yes, they are at different stages of recovery but they are both recovering. Keep at it, don't let this consume you, and keep running this race. You deserve to live a sober life and I'm sure you want to. One beer does not take that choice away from you, just offers a learning moment on how to not wind up in that situation again as it certainly could have ended much worse and maybe next time to would. Figure out how to make there be no next time
Everyone has their own tools - counting days is a positive and successful tool for some. For others, it is not. Whatever you choose this is not a contest to see who can rack up the most consecutive days. We are all fighting for our lives here, against a very formidable opponent, and no matter what just be true to yourself. You either want to live sober or not. There are no report cards or gold medals - figure out what tools work best for you and soldier on.
Personally, I don't care if someone has 1000 days or 1 - yes, they are at different stages of recovery but they are both recovering. Keep at it, don't let this consume you, and keep running this race. You deserve to live a sober life and I'm sure you want to. One beer does not take that choice away from you, just offers a learning moment on how to not wind up in that situation again as it certainly could have ended much worse and maybe next time to would. Figure out how to make there be no next time
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
ScottfromWI said it best: "You could have not gone in the first place. You could have left when you realized they were serving alcohol even though you checked it out ahead of time. You could have ordered a soda or water. You could have said no thanks."
I think Justin, it might help to change your habits that go along with drinking. You went to an "after work party"....and those usually involve alcohol. I remember trying to go to bars early in sobriety and just drink Sprite. It was probably because I felt comfortable in that environment. As long as the person I was talking to had a beer in their hand, it felt like home to me. But that wasn't a great idea, looking back on it. If you really want to give yourself the best chance (and it sure sounds like you do) it might be good to stay home from these work parties from now on. And that live band on Saturday night. And the Super Bowl party too. Give yourself a chance Justin, and be a hermit for a weekend or two.
I think Justin, it might help to change your habits that go along with drinking. You went to an "after work party"....and those usually involve alcohol. I remember trying to go to bars early in sobriety and just drink Sprite. It was probably because I felt comfortable in that environment. As long as the person I was talking to had a beer in their hand, it felt like home to me. But that wasn't a great idea, looking back on it. If you really want to give yourself the best chance (and it sure sounds like you do) it might be good to stay home from these work parties from now on. And that live band on Saturday night. And the Super Bowl party too. Give yourself a chance Justin, and be a hermit for a weekend or two.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: California
Posts: 195
I'd be worried if I had done that. Stuff like that is what leads me into binges because my AV comes back full swing and says, "See? You drank that little bit and you're FINE" and then I give in and then I'm absolutely not fine. Be careful.
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