KateL

This happened to me and I managed to stay sober, just about. It was hard. But I wanted to try again and knew that if I wanted a child, I wanted the alcohol out of my life for good. I never did have another child, the one I lost hadn't been planned and I was knocking on a bit, but it was enough to keep me sober for the sake of the other three. Also I think drinking will just stall the natural grieving process you will have anyway. It will just make it longer and with a headache as well. Please don't do it. so sorry for your loss xxx

Vincenz

I am terribly sorry for your loss. You must heal from this tragedy just like you healed by becoming sober. Like somebody above said, the booze will numb you for awhile and then what? Your still going to have to heal from this. It sounds like your mind is already made up, but you know yourself better than anybody. Will this be your last bottle? The addict in your mind has saw an opportunity and if you can make it through tonight you will be a stronger person tomorrow. Hang in there!

Leana

I am so sorry. Just so sorry for your loss. I'll keep you in my prayers.

kflee

So sorry for your loss. Stay strong and hope you get on SR tomorrow. Whatever path you take tonight, please come back to us.

BikerAcct

I'm so so sorry. I can't imagine how much it must hurt. Please take care of yourself. Alcohol really won't help with that, it really won't.

Venecia

I am so very sorry for your loss.

Dee offered some sage advice. I hope it can help sustain you in sobriety during this time of sorrow.

LadyBlue0527

Pinot I am so sorry that you're going through this. There a lot of good suggestions for alternatives to drinking. Grief is horrific but the sooner you allow yourself to work through it the quicker you're going to heal. Drinking might seem to provide some relief but it will be short lived and it's already mentioned but you're going to feel worse tomorrow.

Please rethink this. Sending lots of hugs and prayers your way.

Melina

I cried from your post.

I was told I could never get pregnant due to my severe endometriosis.

Seven years later, I was in an emergency room in excruciating pain due to an ectopic pregnancy.

They way I found out I could get pregnant was through finding out I was pregnant, in the ER, with an ectopic pregnancy that they immediately removed as soon as I was informed and sedated bc it was about to explode my fallopian tube and kill me.

That was 11 years ago. I have lived inside a bottle of booze ever since, with every kind of irresponsible and reckless behavior tied to it you can imagine.

That did not cause my alcoholism. I was already on the right track to addiction.

But not being able to process what happened quickened the pace and contributed to the horrible things I have done to myself, my relationships and my health.

I also think I have used it as an excuse to get wasted when I randomly remember that hellish time.

I'm sorry to hijack your post with all my experience. I tell my story to you so you can see what can happen if you don't get immediate and long-term support in place. DO NOT live in your head for a long long time. Hand it over to the professionals and the ones who love you. Please.

Otherwise you may end up like me, a drinking SR devotee that is too scared to quit drinking and dancing with the devil, Every. Single. Sundown, till passing out.

I am so so sorry for your tragedy. I am wishing you healing and I wish I could make time speed up to the place where you are semi-ok with what happened. I don't say semi-ok lightheartedly... I say it as a woman who understands with utmost compassion that it may never be OK. Two stupid letters that will never encompass the heartbreak and healing.

xoxo

Dee74

(((Melina)))

It is scary - but there's many many people who'll be there to walk with you

D

Melina

Thank you, Dee.

xoxo

adee

Pinot - I'm so sorry for your loss. Take good care of yourself - I can hear how heartbroken you are. Drinking will temporarily take away the pain. Not drinking will allow you to grieve and heal. We are here.

GotGrace

Hi Pinot,
I was ready to go to bed and for some reason I felt like I needed to check the newcomers board, and your thread was first.
I am so very sorry that there was no heartbeat at the ultrasound. I know your pain because the same thing happened to me 6 years ago. It is such a sudden, unexpected shock.
You will be ok. Mourn in whatever way you need to mourn right now, but please don't drink. It will only add to your sadness. Keep your head clear so you can mourn healthily.
Again, you will be ok. PM me if you want. Love to you.

HeartsAfire

I'm so very, very sorry for your loss. I've experienced it as well. The night it happened to me, my friends thought they were helping by getting me drunk. Little did they know I was already a full-blown alcoholic. That was in 2002. With the exception of a 9 month period I was pregnant with my daughter in 2003-2004 and a few weeks or months here and there, I didn't stop until this past Friday night.

It's been my experience that the only thing worse than grief is drunk grief.

Take good care and as someone else said, regardless of what happens tonight, please keep coming back.

P.S. Don't forget your husband is grieving too.

HeartsAfire

How are you feeling today, Pinot? Thinking about you...

alphaomega

Me too Pinot.
You've been in my thoughts all day.
You too Melina. I miss you both.

XO AO

Tiptree

So sorry for your loss .be kind to yourself and stay healthy. Please don't drink.

quitforme79

I am praying for you P. If you don't drink you will grieve as humans are meant to. If you do drink it will just get you farther away from your goal of having a family. Hugs!!!

PinotNOmore

Thank you all. I truly appreciate your responses as well as hearing your personal experiences. Nice to know I'm not alone, but I hate that anyone else had to go through this. I did have my wine two nights ago, and it didn't help. Not one little bit. But we all knew that it wouldn't. I know for sure now that it's something I don't need in my life, and i am more determined than ever not to drink ever again. And I right now I'm not even the slightest bit sad about that fact.
I had surgery yesterday so I'm just recovering now. And crying. A lot. I'll be fine, I'm sure. But right now, I'm just sad, angry, and in a lot of pain (emotional and physical). Two days ago I was pregnant, thinking of nursery themes and baby names. And now I'm not, and I just don't know what to think. It really sucks. :-( Thanks again for all your support.

JackieC

My heart is just aching for you. We all know it's so common and then it happens to us and we still manage to feel so alone in it. I'd been trying for two years to get pregnant, fertility drugs, the whole thing. I got pregnant and, as you know yourself, it was a giddy high like I'd never known. Then at 10 weeks, slammed back down to the ground in that doctor's office, staring at that ultrasound screen as it become clear to the doctor and then to me that there was no heartbeat. I am so, so sorry. It is such a heartbreaking loss.

You are not alone, even though I know you feel all by yourself. Not that husbands don't mourn and grieve, I know that they do, but the loss of a miscarriage is one of those things that binds women across time and place -- those of us that have been through it know the ache and pain and sadness. Imagine us now reaching across years and miles to take your hand and give you comfort. I'm so very sorry.

Many (((hugs))) to you.