I'm done
High Power Rifle Addict
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Pembroke Pines, FL
Posts: 95
I'm done
This has to be it. The other morning I drank warm vodka I keep hidden under the sink from my wife. This was before I brushed my teeth. I feel only shame. I have been lying and hiding in the dark. I have never been in control of my drinking. I feel and look like hell all the time now. I retch in the middle of the night. I have panic attacks daily. This is no life.
Yesterday was my last drink. I will lose everything if I do not stop. I will lose my wife if I can't beat this. I have neglected her the love she gives me every single day. But I must do this for me. Not one more day like it was. I have made my plan. Only I can do this.
Yesterday was my last drink. I will lose everything if I do not stop. I will lose my wife if I can't beat this. I have neglected her the love she gives me every single day. But I must do this for me. Not one more day like it was. I have made my plan. Only I can do this.
I'm only a bit over two months sober but I can tell you that you will feel so much better if you stick with it. The first week is the toughest and then you just can't take that first drink. I sign in on the 24 hour club here everyday just so I make that commitment to staying sober everyday. Good luck and don't give up.
High Power Rifle Addict
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Pembroke Pines, FL
Posts: 95
I have been reading many threads here and if someone could just post what seemed to help them the most no matter how tiny, I think that would help me. I am at my end, it has to stop today.
Days like you are having today is what was my final tipping point. I simply could not live another day in agony.
The great news is, you never have to feel this way again. But give yourself permission to really feel today. And then know that there is a whole different world waiting for you tomorrow on the sober side.
Be well dear one.
The great news is, you never have to feel this way again. But give yourself permission to really feel today. And then know that there is a whole different world waiting for you tomorrow on the sober side.
Be well dear one.
Eight years is a long time to struggle. Do whatever it takes, with as much help as it takes.
Minute, by minute, hour by hour
It is a battle that takes place on the razor's edge, it takes place by the nano second, by seconds, by minutes, by hours. It is admitting powerlessness by the second, by the minute, by the hour. It is finding strength in the admission that we indeed are powerless. Alcohol is not the adversary, we are.
I find that it is through these first six words in the steps - We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - That one can find more strength in themselves than they ever believed possible!!! It is in that personal and earnest admission that the struggle to win over ourselves, to defeat that part of us that reaches out for the empty promise that hides in every bottle we stretch our hand towards can be defeated. We loose the battle (admit powerlessness) to win the war.
Each time we stretch our hand towards the bottle actually or figuratively there is another battle being fought inside the war, and each nano second, second, minute and hour provides us the opportunity to utilize the strength of Step 1 to win the war..... do not be mistaken the battles are never ending..... but our victory can be achieved!!!!!
I find that it is through these first six words in the steps - We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - That one can find more strength in themselves than they ever believed possible!!! It is in that personal and earnest admission that the struggle to win over ourselves, to defeat that part of us that reaches out for the empty promise that hides in every bottle we stretch our hand towards can be defeated. We loose the battle (admit powerlessness) to win the war.
Each time we stretch our hand towards the bottle actually or figuratively there is another battle being fought inside the war, and each nano second, second, minute and hour provides us the opportunity to utilize the strength of Step 1 to win the war..... do not be mistaken the battles are never ending..... but our victory can be achieved!!!!!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: BC Canada
Posts: 400
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: California
Posts: 195
I was in the hospital and a nurse said with such GRAVITY, "You're here because you have parents who love you. If you don't stop, you WILL lose them. You will lose EVERYTHING". I haven't been perfect since then. Far from it, but that really sticks out in my mind over anything else.
do you have a plan for going forward and staying sober?
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
It took me months to realize that, to make that mental shift, but once I did, the journey became a lot easier.
You're going to be really glad you did this!
1. I am not alone. There are people out there (and here on SR) who know first hand the self-revulsion that comes with sneaking a swig from a warm, hidden vodka bottle.
2. I am not my addiction. I have an addiction. Seems like semantics, but it has made a huge difference to me. By viewing my addiction as a separate entity I can give it boundaries and limits. It is no longer big and scary and all powerful. It is actually stupid and clumsy and without virtue. In fact, I think I'll go put it back in its box and plug the air hole for a while. It hates that.
You can do this.
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