Vedette

Detoxed in Nov 2013. Managed to keep cravings and temptations at bay until last night. Had to buy some sweet red vermouth for my wife's recipe and also bought a pint of vodka. Poured it into a large fast food diet soda and sucked it sown in 10 minutes. It was impulsive but I'd be less than honest if I did not admit part of me had planned it. Got a little buzz from it and enjoyed the old fire in my belly feeling. Wife could tell I had been drinking and was/is very disappointed. Guess I'll try to get two months under my belt again, one day at a time.

marchHazel

hello,
times i've picked up after stopping people mostly told me to pick myself up and start again. Can sound easier than it is but really seems like the best thing to do. Ive beaten myself up and still do for all the stupid choices Ive made in the past. Know hos disappointed people have been from my actions and inability to stay sober. Im trying again. Thing is for me there is not trying. Its either really doing it or I'm drinking or using. I worried myself. I don't have a good track record and feels like I'm just setting myself up to fail. I have to accept Im an alcoholic. No matter how hard things get later and I know they will. I just can't pick up that first drink.
take care

Skye2

At least you're back and posting
I find it helps to look back and try and work out, what lead up to taking the drink. Can help to ward it off in future x

Mountainmanbob

this is more common than not Vedetta
I did it more times than I can remember
as you have mentioned
I knew that I could get my two months back again
yes - I had done it before and can do it again
sometimes these slips only remind us that
hey - that sobriety time that I had was very special after all
once again let me give it a try
thank you God for yet another chance

man how many of those have I had ?

M-Bob

least

Forgive yourself, learn from it, and move forward again.

Threshold

The word "try" hit me, as it hit the poster above. It leaves wiggle room. Also, the fact that you had one and it felt good...

Some of us use that scenario as a OK to slip every now and then. Not saying you will or are, just that those things have led more than a few of us to a false sense of what recovery is.

Things like that can lead a willing mind to say..hey look. He had a drink, felt good, put it down...didn't lead to a blackout or years of boozing, didn't have to go back to rehab...maybe I could. If they wife/bf/sponsor doesn't find out...what's the harm of one every now and then....I mean, I'm TRYING to stay sober...right? It's not easy, they can cut me some slack every now and then...

That's the kind of stupid crap our minds can tell us if we aren't very vigilant.

I'm saying this because I know ME. And I could have one and stop and feel the sweet warm release..and wake up that part of me that likes it...and then think "hey, look, I can do this. not every night...just once in a while."...but then I start chasing the buzz...and it's never the first drink that gets me into trouble, it's the habit, and the 7 drinks that follow the first one...and it would NOT take long for me to be totally back at it again.

I know. I've done that. Three times.

So, you may not be anything like me, but for anyone out there who might be...I wanted to share this. Just one, once in awhile...does not work. We may forgive ourselves, our partner might, our sponsor might...but our brain is harder to deal with.

zombiegirl

I'm with u on this threshold I know I could drink and lie to ppl but I don't want to as I know it will end in tears.
I cannot ever drink again as it will suck me back in.
I've tried before n thought hey I can be sober for days but then when I drank it took the mikey.
I'm a better person and I bet u are if u don't drink xxx
Just move on from it and don't do it again

MissionRecovery

Good thing you are back and posting and being honest about it. You will need to tell it to your sponsor if you have one and identify yourself as a newcomer at AA meeting if you attend one. I know it sucks, I have done it myself couple times but better being honest than keep it inside yourself. Also, be careful as you have "tried" and were not able to continue or have another drink and feel good about it. Your brain will tell you that you are no longer alcoholic and can handle it. Maybe it is me, but this is always get me into the trouble, after couple of my moths of sobriety and trying one drink, I will try one next weekend or so and I think I am cured, but then I am back to my excessive drinking. So, just word of advice - be careful.

Renarde

I'm sorry you drank. I refuse to buy any alcohol for my husband. I don't go into liquor stores. He can buy whatever he needs. Might be a good policy to adopt! Too triggering.

instant

AVRT might help you if you don't know about it already. Thoughts that encourage and give permission to behaviours that support drinking become less common with continued sobriety.

The sneakiness of cravings and the induction of "the self" into them knows no bounds

Anna

My first thought was that I wouldn't have gone into a liquor store at that point in my recovery. In fact, I think in the last 13 years, I have only been in a liquor store once.

Early recovery is a time when there are tough choices.

I'm glad you are back and trying again.

Dee74

Vedette,

sometimes I think we underestimate the task at hand - changing our life is hard.

Look at what you were doing for your recovery, accept that you need to do more this time,. and think about what you can add?

any ideas?

and remember there is no try - only do.

D