anchorbird

During my slip the other night I got very scared that it could lead to yet another blackout, I was terrified actually, so I stopped drinking. I am proud of mmyself for stopping, but also a bit worried at the same time.

I am at a very confused time right now, even more so after this slip. I talked to my sponsor about it last night, she said she totally understands and is happy to give me space. I just don't know what I need.

TigerLili

SInce you have a sponsor I assume you're in AA. I suggest get back on the horse and work your programme. You don't need space, you need to do all the suggested things and get a bigger programme.

Good for you for talking about it and not letting it lead to a longer relapse.

sugarbear1

get phone numbers, call people, work those steps

are you really ready to stay stopped?

Dee74

I think we can think too much sometimes.

The fact you stopped just means you have a little recovery flame burning in amongst the alcoholic insanity.

I'd fan that flame

personally I don't think you need space anchorbIrd - I think you need action.

D

Mountainmanbob

look at it as yet another learning experience
now you know more about what not to do next time

we learn to cherish our sobriety

Mountainman

FreeOwl

my personal experience; this is dangerous.

Why? Because now your alcoholic voice will use this as "evidence" that you have "control".

"See?? what's to worry about??? we can take it or leave it. We can stop when we want to.... BLAH BLAH BLAH effing BLAH!!".

The fact you were terrified is the evidence you need to focus on. Friend, if you find yourself TERRIFIED while drinking because of what it may lead to... that is all the evidence you really need.

I think you know what to do....

Lifeisforliving

Amen - again & again!!

Space creates isolation which is all your AV needs - to get you alone to try to work its BS. YOU don't need space your SOB AV does.

Keep coming back. It works when you work it & you're worth it. We all are!!

Mentium

I agree. Any drinking experience that isn't as bad as it 'could be' is potential evidence that you aren't an alcoholic after all! Or at any rate that's what the bit of you that wants to drink will make of it.

jdooner

Forgive my ignorance if there was another post on the slip, but why did you drink? My guess is that some of the answer lies within the reason and then the reaction - how you felt.

I used to drink bc I enjoyed the sensation of getting buzzed. It suppressed other feelings and I was ignorant and unaware of the consequences. Ignorance is bliss, right? I think - although I am not willing to try that if I went back out the process would be much different now. Bty telling everyone around me, I have created accountability and in my mind I would think I am letting others down. In essence I have created my own drinking prison which would force me into hiding - I would have to sneak the booze and drugs, which I think would make me feel worse.

My point is recovery I believe ruins the fun we once enjoyed - the romance we remember. My wife is going through this now and likely to go back out while I remain sober. I just know how my movie will end should I jump back into that character.

I don't know the context but my guess is your sponsor wants you to figure some of this out on your own. She cannot get you to want to stop drinking and this process may be what you need to figure out if you are in fact an alcoholic and want to remain sober more than drunk. I have no advice simply some of my experiences which I hope might relate in some way. It is sometimes helpful to go back and look at your old posts to remind yourself of why you stopped in the first place. In this way SR is invaluable.

ScottFromWI

What exactly are you confused about?

LadyBlue0527

There's no confusion anchorbird. Your AV is screaming right now and you're listening. You're trying to reason with yourself that since you were able to stop that maybe you don't have a problem. What you do now is totally up to you. Take some time to read back through all of your posts.

flutter

I totally understand the confusion. I 'proved' to myself over and over that I could put down a drink, not drink for weeks at a time, stop at 2. But overall, I was still obsessing about it, uncomfortable with it. It's a total mind ****! Just because I *could* put it down maybe 1 out of 10 times, I was still very much an alcoholic and continuing to drink would have cost me everything.

Anna

I agree with all the above. This is your addict mind doing its best to convince you that you don't have a problem. That's why you need to fully accept that you are an alcoholic in order to recover. As long as there is a question in your mind, it's going to be near impossible to make recovery work.

TucTee

Chalk up the entire experience as positive because: 1) you didn't drink into blackout; 2) you took control of your usage; and 3) you came back for support to find a solution. Recall what worked previously to stay sober and add a new element or two to handle whatever led you to slip (if identifiable).

dwtbd

If you were addicted to alcohol in the past, it is reasonable to assume you can become addicted(mentally, physically the whole gambit) again, chances are you stand still a higher then average chance, based on prior addiction.
It is also reasonable to assume that addiction will take time to manifest, I do not think after the first sip or session that the full blown addiction will be expressed. There is only one to fully avoid the possibility of becoming addicted again.

Threshold

Many of us really like to complicate it and analyze it and glorify it and dance around it, but the answer is simple. Don't drink.

Then get busy on a program for living without booze and enjoying life.

Take drinking off the table, quit flirting with the dark partner, quit getting off on the thrill of temptation.

It's something we all have to do to recover.