Admitting I am powerless
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Ireland
Posts: 1,641
2B,
You gave me my IN!
Yes, you are being too easy on yourself!
Quit!
It is hard.
You will want to drink.
You will be obsessed.
And then, one day you will not.
You will have gone through the crap of quitting and succeeded.
If it was easy to stop, we wouldn't be here. I know, cliched etc.
I think going to meetings and holding on to your 2 glasses a night is pointless.
There won't be a miraculous lightbulb moment for most people.
You might think about weaning a baby from the bottle or blinky or something. They are not happy about it. But, they can't go on drinking a bottle or have their blanky in the boardroom. Most people forget the "quitting" part. How it was so hard and that is why they go back.
Others think they quit once, they can break out and just quit again in a week. Well, it is progressive. It is harder each time.
Powerless is just a term used. Basically, think about opening a bag of peanuts and having one peanut. Who does that? If the peanut made you feel relaxed, relieved and calm, wouldn't you really, really, really want another one?
It would be easier not to open the bag in the first place.
Alcohol is hard to stop for someone with a dependence on it.
I will say, for you, it is good to be down t 2 glasses because you probably won't have a lot of the serious physical withdrawal. More of a cognitive thing.
Good to see you here.
And, all the best to you.
Sober Recovery is great isn't it?
I have gotten so much wisdom here, not just about drink, I am so glad I found it.
You gave me my IN!
Yes, you are being too easy on yourself!
Quit!
It is hard.
You will want to drink.
You will be obsessed.
And then, one day you will not.
You will have gone through the crap of quitting and succeeded.
If it was easy to stop, we wouldn't be here. I know, cliched etc.
I think going to meetings and holding on to your 2 glasses a night is pointless.
There won't be a miraculous lightbulb moment for most people.
You might think about weaning a baby from the bottle or blinky or something. They are not happy about it. But, they can't go on drinking a bottle or have their blanky in the boardroom. Most people forget the "quitting" part. How it was so hard and that is why they go back.
Others think they quit once, they can break out and just quit again in a week. Well, it is progressive. It is harder each time.
Powerless is just a term used. Basically, think about opening a bag of peanuts and having one peanut. Who does that? If the peanut made you feel relaxed, relieved and calm, wouldn't you really, really, really want another one?
It would be easier not to open the bag in the first place.
Alcohol is hard to stop for someone with a dependence on it.
I will say, for you, it is good to be down t 2 glasses because you probably won't have a lot of the serious physical withdrawal. More of a cognitive thing.
Good to see you here.
And, all the best to you.
Sober Recovery is great isn't it?
I have gotten so much wisdom here, not just about drink, I am so glad I found it.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by 2bhappier 
I am trying to be very honest and not hide anything. I am ashamed of myself.
You wanna be honest? Stop drinking and admit that this thing has a grip on you....
but also remind yourself - it's not YOU. This is an addiction.
you can do it
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Ireland
Posts: 1,641
I bought my Big Book and went straight to the offie to get a bottle of Bacardi.
That was technically a choice.
All jokes aside, I went to AA in August (second time) and had my last drink October 21st, just to let you know my experience quitting.
Also, no matter what information and wisdom I am given, I will only absorb it when I am ready.
That was technically a choice.
All jokes aside, I went to AA in August (second time) and had my last drink October 21st, just to let you know my experience quitting.
Also, no matter what information and wisdom I am given, I will only absorb it when I am ready.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Engerland
Posts: 897
I do go to AA and learned there that my powerlessness was not about stopping. Did that hundreds of times. I was powerless to STAY stopped....
I have the power now, thanks in my case to what i have learned in AA.
Gary
I have the power now, thanks in my case to what i have learned in AA.
Gary
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Morton, IL
Posts: 87
Great reading from AA Daily reflections:
The most common alcoholic fantasy seems to be: "If I just don't drink, everything will be all right." Once the fog cleared for me, I saw — for the first time — the mess my life had become. I had family, work, financial and legal problems; I was hung up on old religious ideas; there were sides of my character to which I was inclined to stay blind because they easily could have convinced me that I was hopeless and pushed me toward escape again. The Big Book guided me in resolving all of my problems. But it didn't happen overnight — and certainly not automatically — with no effort on my part. I need always to recognize God's mercy and blessings that shine through any problem I have to face.
All you need is a desire to stop drinking......
The most common alcoholic fantasy seems to be: "If I just don't drink, everything will be all right." Once the fog cleared for me, I saw — for the first time — the mess my life had become. I had family, work, financial and legal problems; I was hung up on old religious ideas; there were sides of my character to which I was inclined to stay blind because they easily could have convinced me that I was hopeless and pushed me toward escape again. The Big Book guided me in resolving all of my problems. But it didn't happen overnight — and certainly not automatically — with no effort on my part. I need always to recognize God's mercy and blessings that shine through any problem I have to face.
All you need is a desire to stop drinking......
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Rural Colorado
Posts: 376
Markdad3, I DO have the desire. I am reading the Big Book, going to meetings, meeting with other AA people who have long term sobriety. They keep telling me to keep coming back and I will be able to stop. I figure anyone who is sober is a lot wiser than I am!
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
You're doing a great job by getting to meetings and posting here.
A few thoughts on other things.
Powerless? like someone pointed out, it's hugely debated. Most of us do feel that IF we take that first drink (put alcohol in) then we have pretty much given in to alcohol and everything that goes with it. Essentially we give up our power. Many of us find IF we take that first drink we just keep going, lose our power to choose.
But yes, we have the power to not pick up that drink.
In your own opening post here you say that you obsess and cannot NOT take your two glasses of wine. I don't know what your personal definition of powerless is, but by your own admission it does sound as if booze currently, today has you by the short hairs.
If you hate the term powerless, throw it out and ask yourself is your life unmanageable? Is drinking turning your life into chaos? If so, the program might well be a way out...
I don't know if the 12 steps are for you or not. But if you currently cannot give up your two glasses of wine, it would seem that you are currently powerless of SOMETHING. Maybe it's your anxiety of facing life without wine? Maybe it's the discomfort of withdrawal. But there is something that is keeping you from stopping completely.
The steps work on things other than alcohol. I have used them to overcome both substance and process addictions. I have used them to address anxiety. I am not claiming they are an instant magic cure, but things I have discovered and principles for addressing life I have learned working the steps has given me the power to take back my life and gain the freedom to make my own choices.
So, if there is something that needs to be addressed prior to stopping drinking, apply the steps to that thing first.
I got into recovery before I got clean and sober. I needed to apply the steps to some other issues in my life before I gave up substance abuse forever. I wanted to want to live sober...but I wasn't quite there yet. And staying in the atmosphere of recovery here, in meetings, and in reading I did, and working the steps, got me to a place where I was truly and fully ready to quit.
I honestly would not wait until you are fully sober to start the steps. Working the steps helped me get to the point where I was ready to live life substance free.
Some sponsors won't work with a person who is still drinking/using, try to find one who will. If you can't listen to speakers online, find an online sponsor, read about working the steps and what they mean online and in the literature.
It IS your recovery, and if YOU don't give up you will recover. We are not dependent on anyone else to recover. We are not dependent on another person's understanding of a program to recover. We are not dependent upon a particular person's choice or understanding of a word to recover.
Nor do we remain powerless forever.
A few thoughts on other things.
Powerless? like someone pointed out, it's hugely debated. Most of us do feel that IF we take that first drink (put alcohol in) then we have pretty much given in to alcohol and everything that goes with it. Essentially we give up our power. Many of us find IF we take that first drink we just keep going, lose our power to choose.
But yes, we have the power to not pick up that drink.
In your own opening post here you say that you obsess and cannot NOT take your two glasses of wine. I don't know what your personal definition of powerless is, but by your own admission it does sound as if booze currently, today has you by the short hairs.
If you hate the term powerless, throw it out and ask yourself is your life unmanageable? Is drinking turning your life into chaos? If so, the program might well be a way out...
I don't know if the 12 steps are for you or not. But if you currently cannot give up your two glasses of wine, it would seem that you are currently powerless of SOMETHING. Maybe it's your anxiety of facing life without wine? Maybe it's the discomfort of withdrawal. But there is something that is keeping you from stopping completely.
The steps work on things other than alcohol. I have used them to overcome both substance and process addictions. I have used them to address anxiety. I am not claiming they are an instant magic cure, but things I have discovered and principles for addressing life I have learned working the steps has given me the power to take back my life and gain the freedom to make my own choices.
So, if there is something that needs to be addressed prior to stopping drinking, apply the steps to that thing first.
I got into recovery before I got clean and sober. I needed to apply the steps to some other issues in my life before I gave up substance abuse forever. I wanted to want to live sober...but I wasn't quite there yet. And staying in the atmosphere of recovery here, in meetings, and in reading I did, and working the steps, got me to a place where I was truly and fully ready to quit.
I honestly would not wait until you are fully sober to start the steps. Working the steps helped me get to the point where I was ready to live life substance free.
Some sponsors won't work with a person who is still drinking/using, try to find one who will. If you can't listen to speakers online, find an online sponsor, read about working the steps and what they mean online and in the literature.
It IS your recovery, and if YOU don't give up you will recover. We are not dependent on anyone else to recover. We are not dependent on another person's understanding of a program to recover. We are not dependent upon a particular person's choice or understanding of a word to recover.
Nor do we remain powerless forever.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Mid-Atlantic
Posts: 552
I am powerless to do it all alone and I surrender by allowing myself to accept help from Doctors & Specialists- who I finally realize know a LOT more than me. That's what admitting that I am "powerless" means to me. Some people then choose to surrender their will over to God or other AA members. I choose Science and Doctors. The best thing I ever did was to admit that this problem was over my head, and WAY bigger than me. I finally saw how many hands were reaching out, just waiting for me to grab on. That's really what it's all about, however you slice it...IMO
I wouldn't get too caught up in the semantics.
I think for some people- powerlessness becomes a scapegoat. I don't think AA intends it to be that way, at all! But, when you combine ideas like "the disease of relapse" along with "powerlessness", I think it makes it a bit easy for some to justify staying in a destructive cycle.
I can't reconcile all of my personal beliefs with the 12 steps, but I don't have to. Neither do you. Take what you like.. as they say.
Anyway, you're not gonna quit till ya stop. What do you need to get you there?
Sending you all my best!!!
I wouldn't get too caught up in the semantics.
I think for some people- powerlessness becomes a scapegoat. I don't think AA intends it to be that way, at all! But, when you combine ideas like "the disease of relapse" along with "powerlessness", I think it makes it a bit easy for some to justify staying in a destructive cycle.
I can't reconcile all of my personal beliefs with the 12 steps, but I don't have to. Neither do you. Take what you like.. as they say.
Anyway, you're not gonna quit till ya stop. What do you need to get you there?
Sending you all my best!!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Ireland
Posts: 1,641
I HATED when people questioned my desire to quit!
I knew I wanted to.
I just had to find the strength.
It is hard.
I did have one lady at meetings who recounted how she met me at a mtg.
I was puffy faced and red eyed and probably hung over and she was too.
I just very confidently told her that while I was not there yet, I would stop.
She found it strange.
But, as it turned out, it was my truth.
I knew I would quit. I was not there yet. But, I did.
My last drink was a bottle of brandy after a 28 day stretch of white-knuckling and misery. I broke out BIG!
I had been to a mtg and told them how I felt and got the usual answers.
It was a guy at a mtg after the blow-out who simply said,
"Do you pray? On your knees? Every morning and every night?"
I wanted to beat him!
But, I went home and did it.
It was something about going on my knees and committing to not drinking with the help of whatever and whomever was out there.
Been doing it since.
Sometimes I just say, "I am tired and I don't feel like praying", but I do get on my knees. Just my thing.
I think AA can drive me nuts if I start into the whole guilt, critical thing of "I am not doing this right".
I just don't go there anymore.
I am doing the best I can.
And, I do want to be a happy, sober person.
I am worth it.
Didn't and doesn't happen overnight.
But most good things take time.
Another food analogy, A good meal takes time. A sandwich can be made special with a bit of effort!
I knew I wanted to.
I just had to find the strength.
It is hard.
I did have one lady at meetings who recounted how she met me at a mtg.
I was puffy faced and red eyed and probably hung over and she was too.
I just very confidently told her that while I was not there yet, I would stop.
She found it strange.
But, as it turned out, it was my truth.
I knew I would quit. I was not there yet. But, I did.
My last drink was a bottle of brandy after a 28 day stretch of white-knuckling and misery. I broke out BIG!
I had been to a mtg and told them how I felt and got the usual answers.
It was a guy at a mtg after the blow-out who simply said,
"Do you pray? On your knees? Every morning and every night?"
I wanted to beat him!
But, I went home and did it.
It was something about going on my knees and committing to not drinking with the help of whatever and whomever was out there.
Been doing it since.
Sometimes I just say, "I am tired and I don't feel like praying", but I do get on my knees. Just my thing.
I think AA can drive me nuts if I start into the whole guilt, critical thing of "I am not doing this right".
I just don't go there anymore.
I am doing the best I can.
And, I do want to be a happy, sober person.
I am worth it.
Didn't and doesn't happen overnight.
But most good things take time.
Another food analogy, A good meal takes time. A sandwich can be made special with a bit of effort!
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
please find yourself an in person sponsor. it's the way it's supposed to work. step one is conceding to your inner most self that you are alcoholic and can not drink. Stop drinking, get a clear mind and work those steps so you can establish a relationship with a power greater than you!!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
I doubt it 2b - there's two pages of responses here 
glad things are looking up
for me powerlessness is easy - if I have one beer.... I'll want 15...for starters LOL.
That's powerlessness right there.
D
glad things are looking up
for me powerlessness is easy - if I have one beer.... I'll want 15...for starters LOL.
That's powerlessness right there.
D
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
2be...I'm not tired of you! This is what we are here for, to share in both directions, asking, answering, needing support and giving support.
also, there are a lot of "lurkers" who read but don't post. Whenever one of us gets brave and posts, there are many many people out there who have the same issue or question and didn't post. So we are helping many silent ones as well!
so glad you are here and sharing your recovery with us.
also, there are a lot of "lurkers" who read but don't post. Whenever one of us gets brave and posts, there are many many people out there who have the same issue or question and didn't post. So we are helping many silent ones as well!
so glad you are here and sharing your recovery with us.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: atlanta, georgia
Posts: 27
Its really a two-part analysis. "We were powerless over alcohol and our lives had become unmanageable." It sounds like your life may not be unmanageable yet. Mine wasn't at first either. I managed mine fairly poorly for fifteen years and then really poorly for five and then I didn't manage it at all. I wish I would have stopped when I first knew I had a problem, but the romantic connection to alcohol drew me back. Regular drinkers don't have that kind of connection in my experience. Keep going to meetings and get some time (coffee) with people who say things that ring true with you. I wish you the best of luck and prayers for the highest possible bottom.
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