FluffUSPS

Love is second to alcohol for me, as a thing I've learned I can't control. I think of the mother who has to let go of her son as he heads off to war in some foreign country. Or the wife who watches helplessly as her husband deteriorates from mental illness and alcoholism. I've seen both up close. And I've loved one girl practically all of my life. We aren't together right now. I don't know what God's plan is for either of us, but I've accepted that we won't ever be together. That's real pain for me. So I pray for the best for her. And I stay faithful that one day I'll understand why I still have these feelings for her over all these years. I used to fight the theory that there's a reason for everything. But I've come to believe that, in God's universe, there is a purpose and a reason in every atom. Even the atoms that make up the heart.

TigerLili

I would truly stay away from meetings where you now she will be. Increase your social circle. There is a reason that we are told that women stick with women and men stick with men. You're not ready to be emotionally available and functional in a relationship. I think she's little at fault for kind of encouraging you to think thre could be more or you could stay friends when it's obvious you feel more for her than she does for you.

I met my last bf at a party. Turned out to be a raging alcoholic who happened to have had a number of years up in AA previously. I lost my sobriety. I had to end the relationship and I coudn't stay friends because it would be cruel to leave him with the hope that I might change my mind and want him back. I had no hard feelings, but my sobriety is more imporant than any guy will ever be. I love myself more than I will ever love another person because I MUST put recovery first if I am to be a good partner to someone one day and not a needy, quivering mess needing reassurance and constant connection to feel ok about myself.

Don't equiate unfulfilled emotional needs with love. It's not the same thing. If you love someone, you want what's best for them even if that's not you. Just because it's 'love', doesn't mean it's 'good love'.

TigerLili

My current suitor doesn't know I'm in AA. Turns out his dad was a raging alcoholic who died of the disease. Every man I've dated has either been an non drinker due to an alcoholic parent or an alkie/addict. Funny how we find each other. I am not going to encourage this guy. I'm not ready to date and I think he'd back off once he learned I was an alkie. Can't blame him. I'd do the same thing to be honest.

Threshold

Couple thoughts. This experience is exactly why many people suggest that folks not get involved in new relationships in early recovery, and not to date people in the rooms.

Because the reality is that most relationships don't become long term one's. And the resulting emotions are very hard to deal with. And when this happens IN the rooms, then we are faced with seeing the person regularly, perhaps ditching meetings that were helping our recovery, focusing on them and how they sound/look/feel, etc etc. Feeling awkward speaking frankly in meetings, And maybe the difficult experience of watching them then date someone else in the rooms...ouch.

You got the crash course.

It just hurts and makes everything more difficult.

I came close to getting myself into a similar situation, but luckily for me (and unluckily for them) I saw a couple quick crash and burns when I got into the program. And I had some really powerful reasons to protect my anonymity across the board and dating someone in the rooms was exactly the way to NOT do that.

So I am not pointing fingers, or ignoring the real deep pain of the situation, but there it is. What happened to you is exactly why so many people suggest not going there.

Glad you are not letting this steal your sobriety.