Being drunk - Could people tell ?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 588
Hi from the friends and family side.
Although he drank secretly, I soon got to recognize:
-how he held his mouth differently, kind of chin jutted out ever so slightly
-his careful and slow pronounciation of words to minimize slurring
-his slowness in general to control his actions
-his casual lean on any piece of furniture/wall handy to not weave or wobble
-his careful slow plodding way to walk through the house without knocking into things
-how he would light cigarettes when he couldn't think of words, or follow the conversation
-the change in his eyes
-the change in his laugh, more throaty
-his memory loss and quick temper
-and most obvious, the smell, despite drinking vodka, and mints and toothpaste etc.
It gets so you know from across the room, in one glance, without having to get close enough to smell it.
And yes, polite people don't say anything to him, but if they know he is alcoholic, they tell me.
And yes, now I know his signs, I see them in others all the time and I rarely say anything.
Wishing you all well.
Although he drank secretly, I soon got to recognize:
-how he held his mouth differently, kind of chin jutted out ever so slightly
-his careful and slow pronounciation of words to minimize slurring
-his slowness in general to control his actions
-his casual lean on any piece of furniture/wall handy to not weave or wobble
-his careful slow plodding way to walk through the house without knocking into things
-how he would light cigarettes when he couldn't think of words, or follow the conversation
-the change in his eyes
-the change in his laugh, more throaty
-his memory loss and quick temper
-and most obvious, the smell, despite drinking vodka, and mints and toothpaste etc.
It gets so you know from across the room, in one glance, without having to get close enough to smell it.
And yes, polite people don't say anything to him, but if they know he is alcoholic, they tell me.
And yes, now I know his signs, I see them in others all the time and I rarely say anything.
Wishing you all well.
Sober from 11/19/13-1/18/14
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Los Angeles CA
Posts: 177
When I'm actually drunk - most definitely. I became a different person.
The mornings after (pretty much every morning towards the end of my drinking career).. not so sure. I definitely notice a change in the way I look now (eyes aren't glassy/red, face isn't blotchy/red and less puffy) but I'm not sure if it was noticeable to others. I was always chewing gum and mints and drank a TON of water all day long cause I was always so dehydrated. Nobody ever *said* anything, so who knows.
The mornings after (pretty much every morning towards the end of my drinking career).. not so sure. I definitely notice a change in the way I look now (eyes aren't glassy/red, face isn't blotchy/red and less puffy) but I'm not sure if it was noticeable to others. I was always chewing gum and mints and drank a TON of water all day long cause I was always so dehydrated. Nobody ever *said* anything, so who knows.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Originally Posted by autan 
Its the one question, I am afraid to ask my Wife, because I have been so deceitful over the years and she has been supporting me now, that its a proverbial slap in the face to ask her this.
When you were drunk, do you think other people could tell ?
What did you do to hide the fact that you were drunk if anything ?
Just curious.
I used to wash my mouth out with Cola and hold it for 30 seconds every few minutes. It was my belief that this kills any odours from my mouth. I would then repeat with brushing teeth and mouthwash.
When you were drunk, do you think other people could tell ?
What did you do to hide the fact that you were drunk if anything ?
Just curious.
I used to wash my mouth out with Cola and hold it for 30 seconds every few minutes. It was my belief that this kills any odours from my mouth. I would then repeat with brushing teeth and mouthwash.
We may "get away" with drinking from time to time, but being around someone who drinks heavily, and often on the sly. creates emotional callouses, to say nothing of a sensitivity for reliably odd behavior.
It would be a mistake to confuse politeness for just no longer giving a $hit.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Christchurch
Posts: 451
I work in an ER and I am afraid to say that all of us working there can spot a drinker a mile away. It's subtle things like dry dull skin, clubbing nails, bags under eyes, wearing a lot of cologne, the deep throaty voice, the general world weary worn out look. Not in any way trying to be judgemental as I am an alcoholic myself but when we are drinking heavily we don't fool anyone. You can just tell. No need to be roaring drunk to be obvious. Drinkers don't seem to have the same spark as other people do.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
When I was a child, I could tell from the way my alcoholic father walked up the porch if there was going to be a problem that night or not.
You see it in the subtle unnamed clues - posture, muscle tone would change in his face, especially his cheeks and mouth, speech slightly off, voice more gravelly, gait different. I could tell from a distance even before he said a word.
In my house it was survival to know from the moment he arrived if it was going to be a bad one. You could try to keep out of the way, never catch his attention.
I once read a book that Shirley MacLaine wrote and she said that one reason she thought she understood how to be an actress was picking up the subliminal clues from her alcoholic parents' behavior and tailoring her behavior accordingly.
You are kidding yourself if you think breath mints or cola or whatever will hide your drinking. The smell of alcohol is the most blatant of clues; we who live with it get it from the change in your persona, in your being. When someone is really drunk, there is no "there" there. No recognition in the eyes, no real connection. The blur of alcohol presents first, with the person hiding somewhere inside there.
And the same with my XAH of 20 years. He just sent me an e-mail that he (70 years old now) fell on the ice in the dark outside of his remote house on lots of land, hit the back of his head and knocked himself out, he doesn't know how long he was unconscious. I still care about him even though I can't live with him, so I called him to see if he was okay. He doesn't drink outside the house. He was slurring his speech a little, lots of signs of drinking OR concussions, so I asked him and he said he'd had only a couple of drinks after the fall. I think it was the drink, not the fall, but there's nothing I can do from a different state and a different life.
I hope you folks who drink know how much we care about you, how we worry about you, and how much we want you to be safe.
Didn't mean to hijack the thread, sorry.
ShootingStar1
You see it in the subtle unnamed clues - posture, muscle tone would change in his face, especially his cheeks and mouth, speech slightly off, voice more gravelly, gait different. I could tell from a distance even before he said a word.
In my house it was survival to know from the moment he arrived if it was going to be a bad one. You could try to keep out of the way, never catch his attention.
I once read a book that Shirley MacLaine wrote and she said that one reason she thought she understood how to be an actress was picking up the subliminal clues from her alcoholic parents' behavior and tailoring her behavior accordingly.
You are kidding yourself if you think breath mints or cola or whatever will hide your drinking. The smell of alcohol is the most blatant of clues; we who live with it get it from the change in your persona, in your being. When someone is really drunk, there is no "there" there. No recognition in the eyes, no real connection. The blur of alcohol presents first, with the person hiding somewhere inside there.
And the same with my XAH of 20 years. He just sent me an e-mail that he (70 years old now) fell on the ice in the dark outside of his remote house on lots of land, hit the back of his head and knocked himself out, he doesn't know how long he was unconscious. I still care about him even though I can't live with him, so I called him to see if he was okay. He doesn't drink outside the house. He was slurring his speech a little, lots of signs of drinking OR concussions, so I asked him and he said he'd had only a couple of drinks after the fall. I think it was the drink, not the fall, but there's nothing I can do from a different state and a different life.
I hope you folks who drink know how much we care about you, how we worry about you, and how much we want you to be safe.
Didn't mean to hijack the thread, sorry.
ShootingStar1
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 169
Six months ago I was picking up wine at Bartell's Drug Store and the manager looked at me and said, "you better not be driving". I was FINE at the time. My only thought was that there had been a previous time, when maybe I was not.
People can always tell.
People can always tell.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,456
I used to think that, before I lost it and became that neighbourhood guy, that noone knew.
I was wrong.
I often sit outside the liquor store - it's the local cab rank - and I know the professional from the amateur.
D
I was wrong.
I often sit outside the liquor store - it's the local cab rank - and I know the professional from the amateur.
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 1,122
Also, I think it takes one to know one. I spot intoxicated people all over the place! My friend says I have the nose of a bloodhound but I think my addiction can seek out alcohol anywhere.
My fiance never knew for the longest time, it wasn't until after five years he can tell now. He can tell when my personality changes, I don't become rude or obnoxious but I get really chatty and become "concerned" with dumb random issues to talk about. But mostly I keep to myself when I drink.
My fiance never knew for the longest time, it wasn't until after five years he can tell now. He can tell when my personality changes, I don't become rude or obnoxious but I get really chatty and become "concerned" with dumb random issues to talk about. But mostly I keep to myself when I drink.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 6,224
When we are in the thick of drinking we imagine that nobody really notices the smell of alcohol on us, that we have done a brilliant job covering it up with mouthwashes etc and that our behaviour is impeccable because we are so used to our consumption and so used to behaving "undrunk". To everybody else we look like what we are: people who drink too much and are trying to covering it up. How do I know this? I've been sober for ten months, like Nonsensical's wife I can smell alcohol at 30 feet away and it isn't enticing.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Indiana
Posts: 1,472
For the longest time, I used to think I was getting away with talking to people on the phone (I rarely drank when I was out) and them not noticing. Now that I'm sober and have come out with my problem to some people very close to me, they admitted they could tell when I was drunk.
The most embarrassing is that people at work could smell it on me the next day. I thought for years that even though I would drink heavily the night before that it was out of my system by the next morning. I would take a long shower, brush and use mouth wash, chew lots of gum on the way to work and then drink coffee all morning. I thought for sure that covered it up. Nobody said anything for years so I felt pretty good about myself for pulling it off. Then, one day, a coworker finally told me I smell like alcohol all the time. I'm so glad he did because then others came out with it as well. It was the final push I needed to finally stop.
Now, like numerous others have said, I can smell it on people a mile away. There are a few people at work who I smell it on often and I think about how that used to be me. I feel for them knowing they probably think the way I used to.
I look at photos of myself from when I was drinking heavily and it was so obvious in my appearance as well. The way I look today vs. a few months ago is completely different. I'm so thankful to have finally recognized what I was doing to myself so I can work to be sure I don't go back there again.
The most embarrassing is that people at work could smell it on me the next day. I thought for years that even though I would drink heavily the night before that it was out of my system by the next morning. I would take a long shower, brush and use mouth wash, chew lots of gum on the way to work and then drink coffee all morning. I thought for sure that covered it up. Nobody said anything for years so I felt pretty good about myself for pulling it off. Then, one day, a coworker finally told me I smell like alcohol all the time. I'm so glad he did because then others came out with it as well. It was the final push I needed to finally stop.
Now, like numerous others have said, I can smell it on people a mile away. There are a few people at work who I smell it on often and I think about how that used to be me. I feel for them knowing they probably think the way I used to.
I look at photos of myself from when I was drinking heavily and it was so obvious in my appearance as well. The way I look today vs. a few months ago is completely different. I'm so thankful to have finally recognized what I was doing to myself so I can work to be sure I don't go back there again.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Christchurch
Posts: 451
I had a new ID card made for work in the thick of my binge drinking. I thought that my photo looked really good which led me to believe that my drinking has not affected me therefore I could carry on. The photo was taken six months ago and I am nearing 3 months sober. I came across the photo today not having seen it for months as I changed jobs. I look terrible, my eyes are red and glassy, I look exhausted and old. I can't believe I deluded myself into thinking I looked nice. The denial and delusional thinking while drinking is mind boggling.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Midwest
Posts: 553
I had more people make comments to me about my behavior and attitude than I want to think about. I would of course shut them out and try to avoid the people that gave me any hassle or shrug off their comments or concerns. There are probably dozens of others who knew what was going on or at least thought SOMETHING was going on and just didn't say anything. What intrigues me the most is that I've come to realize that there are many more who didn't have a clue and don't even notice that I'm NOT drinking now. I agree that people tend to be absorbed in their own crap or have a drinking problem themselves so don't seem to notice it in other people.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Australia
Posts: 11,351
Originally Posted by Pipping
I had a new ID card made for work in the thick of my binge drinking. I thought that my photo looked really good which led me to believe that my drinking has not affected me therefore I could carry on. The photo was taken six months ago and I am nearing 3 months sober. I came across the photo today not having seen it for months as I changed jobs. I look terrible, my eyes are red and glassy, I look exhausted and old. I can't believe I deluded myself into thinking I looked nice. The denial and delusional thinking while drinking is mind boggling.
You are so right . It's very aging ...no good comes from alcohol . Wish it hadn't taken me this long to realise .
Better late than never i spose . Xx
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: London
Posts: 369
My mum could always tell for some reason but no one else toward the end of my drinking when I could put away 350 ml of vodka and still act dead sober (well, maybe slightly louder or more chatty but people just thought I was in a good mood).
It was with the smell of the alcohol that I found it more hard to get away with, particularly if I'd taken a sneaky drink around lunchtime or before socially acceptable drinking hours. I'd drink vodka on these occasions usually and follow it with half a clove of raw garlic and then about half a dozen strong mints, but the smell still lingered in my mouth and out of my pores...
It was with the smell of the alcohol that I found it more hard to get away with, particularly if I'd taken a sneaky drink around lunchtime or before socially acceptable drinking hours. I'd drink vodka on these occasions usually and follow it with half a clove of raw garlic and then about half a dozen strong mints, but the smell still lingered in my mouth and out of my pores...
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Autan - I have asked the same question to myself a million times. No one has ever commented on this to me except my mother a couple times, and sadly I tended to be quite ignorant of her feedback...
I also tend to think people are just too polite. I am really not sure. I've always tried to make a lot of efforts to clean up or mask the effects of boozing the mornings after and not sure how successful it was in general. I would be surprised if no one has ever noticed!
I also tend to think people are just too polite. I am really not sure. I've always tried to make a lot of efforts to clean up or mask the effects of boozing the mornings after and not sure how successful it was in general. I would be surprised if no one has ever noticed!
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