Something is wrong this time around
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 642
You're not a monster, Arctic. Alcoholism is medically considered a chronic progressive disease as many have already mentioned.
That means it's always there and you just have to accept that you can't touch it. It sounds like your husband loves you very much and wants to help you.
That means it's always there and you just have to accept that you can't touch it. It sounds like your husband loves you very much and wants to help you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 987
Hi Arctic, and welcome back! Was so happy to see a post from you. As I was reading your story I was feeling every emotion you were describing. I totally get what you were feeling. That total feeling of misplaced anger and frustration turning into tears and more frustration and anger. And embarrassment. That lump in the throat. Awful.
I've gone through this a few times now. Not with a husband but with people who were trying to be supportive of me but had absolutely no effin clue what I was feeling on the inside. They'd coddle me, trying to make it better, and instead I would want to scratch their eyeballs out. Even though I loved the person and knew, deep down, that they were trying to help.
I have quit twice and the first time was only for a month and a half but it was markedly harder (and more emotional) the second go around. I think the others are right that your emotions get more unstable as each time goes by.
But I also think what you were feeling was pretty natural. I sure have felt it, even in sobriety. Our emotions as alcoholics seem to be either all over the place or non-existent and it is very hard for people who don't have the same disease or issue with drinking to understand. It does even out. It does get better. Not immediately, maybe, but it does.
So, yes, try to have empathy for your husband but don't beat yourself up either. When you're not feeling all over the board maybe talk to him about it but don't get down on yourself.
Big hug and so glad you're back. You can totally do this thing!
I've gone through this a few times now. Not with a husband but with people who were trying to be supportive of me but had absolutely no effin clue what I was feeling on the inside. They'd coddle me, trying to make it better, and instead I would want to scratch their eyeballs out. Even though I loved the person and knew, deep down, that they were trying to help.
I have quit twice and the first time was only for a month and a half but it was markedly harder (and more emotional) the second go around. I think the others are right that your emotions get more unstable as each time goes by.
But I also think what you were feeling was pretty natural. I sure have felt it, even in sobriety. Our emotions as alcoholics seem to be either all over the place or non-existent and it is very hard for people who don't have the same disease or issue with drinking to understand. It does even out. It does get better. Not immediately, maybe, but it does.
So, yes, try to have empathy for your husband but don't beat yourself up either. When you're not feeling all over the board maybe talk to him about it but don't get down on yourself.
Big hug and so glad you're back. You can totally do this thing!
Faith and reason
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: London
Posts: 941
Originally Posted by ArcticSA 
I don't even know what I'm trying to say. I guess I am giving up until January 17th. when I have my docs appt.
Originally Posted by ScottFromWI
Hope you are feeling better Artic. Can you explain the logic in starting to drink again so you can then stop again in a couple weeks? I don't know about you but I can do some serious damage I in a mere 10 days.
So I started drinking again and come the day of the appointment I went to the counselling place but no one answered the door. Maybe I got the wrong address because my drinking had muddled my brain. I turned right around, walked to the nearest supermarket, bought some alcohol and went home and drank it. I didn't even try to quit again for another couple of years and when I did, I failed again and again because I was still trying to white knuckle it.
Arctic, please don't make the two mistakes I talk about making here. Instead 1) Stay stopped until your appointment so that you don't have to quit again 2) Get support in staying stopped, even if it's just posting regularly on SR.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,636
Hi ArticaSA -
Good to see you again.
The tough news is that each time we go back to drinking, stopping is harder - emotionally, physically, etc.
On the positive, we have more knowledge about how to avoid triggers, our spouses are similar in a position to be able to be more supportive for our success.
At day 3, your close to getting out of the acute stage of recovery and you never have to go through it again if you don't give up now.
Good to see you again.
The tough news is that each time we go back to drinking, stopping is harder - emotionally, physically, etc.
On the positive, we have more knowledge about how to avoid triggers, our spouses are similar in a position to be able to be more supportive for our success.
At day 3, your close to getting out of the acute stage of recovery and you never have to go through it again if you don't give up now.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 539
Ahhh! I am reading most of these messages this morning and i feel regret, regret, and more regret.
You are all so wise and kind.
I drank last night.
So many of your responses really make me think.
Is it true that each quit gets that much harder?? How do people do it? Because if it gets much harder than the past few days I don't know how anyone does it.
My logic for waiting the 10 days is that I can not cope with my withdrawal!
I am too weak.
No-one in my family deserves to have a wife and mother like that. I know, they dont need to have a hungover mother either, but really, I am more volatile when in early sobriety than when hungover.
BUT I KNOW none of that is actual logic and I KNOW that it is the disease talking!!
I am so frustrated, just thinking about the first few days of sobriety scares the crap out of me!
And how is my husband ever gonna believe me again when i tell him I want to get sober again after I coerced him into buying me wine last night!?
I hate myself. I am so weak.
You are all so wise and kind.
I drank last night.
So many of your responses really make me think.
Is it true that each quit gets that much harder?? How do people do it? Because if it gets much harder than the past few days I don't know how anyone does it.
My logic for waiting the 10 days is that I can not cope with my withdrawal!
I am too weak.
No-one in my family deserves to have a wife and mother like that. I know, they dont need to have a hungover mother either, but really, I am more volatile when in early sobriety than when hungover.
BUT I KNOW none of that is actual logic and I KNOW that it is the disease talking!!
I am so frustrated, just thinking about the first few days of sobriety scares the crap out of me!
And how is my husband ever gonna believe me again when i tell him I want to get sober again after I coerced him into buying me wine last night!?
I hate myself. I am so weak.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 539
Originally Posted by FreeOwl
quitting gets harder and harder every time....
until you can no longer quit at all.
What is coming up for me is a question;
rather than 'quitting' - would you be able to reframe to 'accepting'?
Accepting sobriety as your life path.
I know, I know... maybe that sounds subtle and hokey and lame. But seriously.... the more we focus on something the more we get of it, and to me when we focus on NOT... when we focus on QUIT.... it just magnifies the importance of the thing and in terms of alcohol - winds up empowering our Alcoholic voice.
Are you ready to choose sobriety? If you are ready to choose sobriety and the goodness that it brings, then you're not quitting; you're embracing.
Cheers to your hubby for being so supportive.... he did the right thing. I'm sure he's on your gratitude list.
Right?
Hang in there.
until you can no longer quit at all.
What is coming up for me is a question;
rather than 'quitting' - would you be able to reframe to 'accepting'?
Accepting sobriety as your life path.
I know, I know... maybe that sounds subtle and hokey and lame. But seriously.... the more we focus on something the more we get of it, and to me when we focus on NOT... when we focus on QUIT.... it just magnifies the importance of the thing and in terms of alcohol - winds up empowering our Alcoholic voice.
Are you ready to choose sobriety? If you are ready to choose sobriety and the goodness that it brings, then you're not quitting; you're embracing.
Cheers to your hubby for being so supportive.... he did the right thing. I'm sure he's on your gratitude list.
Right?
Hang in there.
Accepting sobriety as my life path. Love it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 539
Originally Posted by suki44883
Arctic, have you considered in-patient detox? I did that and highly recommend it if at all possible.
Alcohol Free Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 482
Originally Posted by ArcticSA
Ahhh! I am reading most of these messages this morning and i feel regret, regret, and more regret.
You are all so wise and kind.
I drank last night.
So many of your responses really make me think.
Is it true that each quit gets that much harder?? How do people do it? Because if it gets much harder than the past few days I don't know how anyone does it.
My logic for waiting the 10 days is that I can not cope with my withdrawal!
I am too weak.
No-one in my family deserves to have a wife and mother like that. I know, they dont need to have a hungover mother either, but really, I am more volatile when in early sobriety than when hungover.
BUT I KNOW none of that is actual logic and I KNOW that it is the disease talking!!
I am so frustrated, just thinking about the first few days of sobriety scares the crap out of me!
And how is my husband ever gonna believe me again when i tell him I want to get sober again after I coerced him into buying me wine last night!?
I hate myself. I am so weak.
You are all so wise and kind.
I drank last night.
So many of your responses really make me think.
Is it true that each quit gets that much harder?? How do people do it? Because if it gets much harder than the past few days I don't know how anyone does it.
My logic for waiting the 10 days is that I can not cope with my withdrawal!
I am too weak.
No-one in my family deserves to have a wife and mother like that. I know, they dont need to have a hungover mother either, but really, I am more volatile when in early sobriety than when hungover.
BUT I KNOW none of that is actual logic and I KNOW that it is the disease talking!!
I am so frustrated, just thinking about the first few days of sobriety scares the crap out of me!
And how is my husband ever gonna believe me again when i tell him I want to get sober again after I coerced him into buying me wine last night!?
I hate myself. I am so weak.
May I make a suggestion, forget about everything before now and just concentrate on today. Just say to yourself, "Just for today and tonight, I wont have that first drink".
Print off a copy of this entire thread and show it to your Husband, let him see that you are trying so desperately hard. Hand over all of you cards and cash to him, key too if you need to and say to him, tonight, I am your prisoner.
You have to play your part. 1 day at time. Today and tonight, you must not drink. Don't think about the future or past failed attempts, its too much to take in. Stay in the momemt, stay in today, this hour and with your Husband.
TODAY AND TONIGHT YOU WILL NOT HAVE THAT FIRST DRINK.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: US
Posts: 195
You need to mix up your plan or something. Sitting at home waiting to be triggered to drink is obviously not working.
Can you got an AA meeting or something?
Your husband is enabling you begrudgingly. That is probably a slippery slop that won't end well if you don't change something there...
I am pulling for you Artic... You can make this change... You deserve and so does your family... The rewards of quitting far out way the consequences of staying down the same path.
Can you got an AA meeting or something?
Your husband is enabling you begrudgingly. That is probably a slippery slop that won't end well if you don't change something there...
I am pulling for you Artic... You can make this change... You deserve and so does your family... The rewards of quitting far out way the consequences of staying down the same path.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by ArcticSA
It would be nice, but nope, not at all possible unfortunately.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 539
Originally Posted by autan
I dont see a weak person at all, when I read your posts. I see a Wife and a Mother, who is trying to stay Sober and struggling.
May I make a suggestion, forget about everything before now and just concentrate on today. Just say to yourself, "Just for today and tonight, I wont have that first drink".
Print off a copy of this entire thread and show it to your Husband, let him see that you are trying so desperately hard. Hand over all of you cards and cash to him, key too if you need to and say to him, tonight, I am your prisoner.
You have to play your part. 1 day at time. Today and tonight, you must not drink. Don't think about the future or past failed attempts, its too much to take in. Stay in the momemt, stay in today, this hour and with your Husband.
TODAY AND TONIGHT YOU WILL NOT HAVE THAT FIRST DRINK.
May I make a suggestion, forget about everything before now and just concentrate on today. Just say to yourself, "Just for today and tonight, I wont have that first drink".
Print off a copy of this entire thread and show it to your Husband, let him see that you are trying so desperately hard. Hand over all of you cards and cash to him, key too if you need to and say to him, tonight, I am your prisoner.
You have to play your part. 1 day at time. Today and tonight, you must not drink. Don't think about the future or past failed attempts, its too much to take in. Stay in the momemt, stay in today, this hour and with your Husband.
TODAY AND TONIGHT YOU WILL NOT HAVE THAT FIRST DRINK.
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
Instead of whining about the deprivation you associate with quitting alcohol, spin that so that it is a positive decision. You are not quitting, you are starting. You are beginning a new exciting phase of your life, with freedom and peace of mind, and serenity in it. You have a better life right there in front of your face - all you have to do is decide that you deserve to have it, that you will have it no matter what, and nothing will ever take it from you again.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by freshstart57
Instead of whining about the deprivation you associate with quitting alcohol, spin that so that it is a positive decision. You are not quitting, you are starting. You are beginning a new exciting phase of your life, with freedom and peace of mind, and serenity in it. You have a better life right there in front of your face - all you have to do is decide that you deserve to have it, that you will have it no matter what, and nothing will ever take it from you again.
YOU CAN DO IT!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 297
You aren't missing out by staying sober. You are missing out on life by drinking.
I used to think that all happiness and fun would stop the moment that I stopped drinking but what I discovered is that alcohol held me back and gave me an excuse to never even try to reach my potential. You don't have to just "get by" in life.
I used to think that all happiness and fun would stop the moment that I stopped drinking but what I discovered is that alcohol held me back and gave me an excuse to never even try to reach my potential. You don't have to just "get by" in life.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 539
I want to believe it, I do!!
I am so afraid of the first week, so very afraid. There has to be a way to lessen the symptoms.
I just realized one of my problems concerning the husband issue...
His father was a massive alcoholic his whole life. I don't know if he would've got together with me if he knew he would have to deal with alcholism in someone he loves again.
I feel like if he knows how bad it is, he will be crushed and heartbroken and it will be like his Dad all over again. Complete with failed attempts at quitting.
I don't want to do that to him. But I know it makes no sense in continuing and getting worse.
Sigh...
I am so afraid of the first week, so very afraid. There has to be a way to lessen the symptoms.
I just realized one of my problems concerning the husband issue...
His father was a massive alcoholic his whole life. I don't know if he would've got together with me if he knew he would have to deal with alcholism in someone he loves again.
I feel like if he knows how bad it is, he will be crushed and heartbroken and it will be like his Dad all over again. Complete with failed attempts at quitting.
I don't want to do that to him. But I know it makes no sense in continuing and getting worse.
Sigh...
Alcohol Free Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 482
Originally Posted by ArcticSA
I want to believe it, I do!!
I am so afraid of the first week, so very afraid. There has to be a way to lessen the symptoms.
I just realized one of my problems concerning the husband issue...
His father was a massive alcoholic his whole life. I don't know if he would've got together with me if he knew he would have to deal with alcholism in someone he loves again.
I feel like if he knows how bad it is, he will be crushed and heartbroken and it will be like his Dad all over again. Complete with failed attempts at quitting.
I don't want to do that to him. But I know it makes no sense in continuing and getting worse.
Sigh...
I am so afraid of the first week, so very afraid. There has to be a way to lessen the symptoms.
I just realized one of my problems concerning the husband issue...
His father was a massive alcoholic his whole life. I don't know if he would've got together with me if he knew he would have to deal with alcholism in someone he loves again.
I feel like if he knows how bad it is, he will be crushed and heartbroken and it will be like his Dad all over again. Complete with failed attempts at quitting.
I don't want to do that to him. But I know it makes no sense in continuing and getting worse.
Sigh...
You need to focus on step 1, today. Thats all.
There is nothing you can do about yesterday or the last week or last year its done with and cannot be undone. Tomorrow doesn't exist yet. There is only today and the decisions you make today. Right now it is Wednesday 8th January and thats the only day thats worth a damn. Its the day you decide do you pick up that first drink or coheres your Husband into doing it for you or you take a stand for yourself and for him.
He cant get you clean, if you don't try again and again and again. One day he will leave. Then it will be too late. Your not there yet though. Why because your in the today, right now.
Follow the advice in my earlier post and come on here tomorrow and tell us, you made it through day 1. Then we will work on the rest another day.
You do not need to worry about yesterday or tomorrow. You do not need to worry what any body is thinking or isn't thinking. You don't need to worry about anything except not picking up that drink.
You can do it girl, now get to it.
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