Something is wrong this time around
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 539
Originally Posted by autan 
Theres probably some truth in what you say, regarding your Husband's Father. Thats not your main concern now.
You need to focus on step 1, today. Thats all.
There is nothing you can do about yesterday or the last week or last year its done with and cannot be undone. Tomorrow doesn't exist yet. There is only today and the decisions you make today. Right now it is Wednesday 8th January and thats the only day thats worth a damn. Its the day you decide do you pick up that first drink or coheres your Husband into doing it for you or you take a stand for yourself and for him.
He cant get you clean, if you don't try again and again and again. One day he will leave. Then it will be too late. Your not there yet though. Why because your in the today, right now.
Follow the advice in my earlier post and come on here tomorrow and tell us, you made it through day 1. Then we will work on the rest another day.
You do not need to worry about yesterday or tomorrow. You do not need to worry what any body is thinking or isn't thinking. You don't need to worry about anything except not picking up that drink.
You can do it girl, now get to it.
You need to focus on step 1, today. Thats all.
There is nothing you can do about yesterday or the last week or last year its done with and cannot be undone. Tomorrow doesn't exist yet. There is only today and the decisions you make today. Right now it is Wednesday 8th January and thats the only day thats worth a damn. Its the day you decide do you pick up that first drink or coheres your Husband into doing it for you or you take a stand for yourself and for him.
He cant get you clean, if you don't try again and again and again. One day he will leave. Then it will be too late. Your not there yet though. Why because your in the today, right now.
Follow the advice in my earlier post and come on here tomorrow and tell us, you made it through day 1. Then we will work on the rest another day.
You do not need to worry about yesterday or tomorrow. You do not need to worry what any body is thinking or isn't thinking. You don't need to worry about anything except not picking up that drink.
You can do it girl, now get to it.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by ArcticSA
I feel like if he knows how bad it is, he will be crushed and heartbroken and it will be like his Dad all over again. Complete with failed attempts at quitting.
I don't want to do that to him. But I know it makes no sense in continuing and getting worse.
Sigh...
I don't want to do that to him. But I know it makes no sense in continuing and getting worse.
Sigh...
Regarding your fear of the first week, you can get help from a doctor to potentially lessen the symptoms. But there will still be some iniitial discomfort, it's unavoidable. It pales in comparison to the pain you will eventually feel if you keep drinking though. And the pain you will cause those around you in the process.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Florida
Posts: 281
ArticSA, I feel the same way about my fiance. His father was an alcoholic that eventually needed intervention to recover. I was so afraid early in our relationship that he would call me out on it, beacuse of what he had experienced with his dad. He has no idea I have been thinking about quitting for SIX months. I'm sure he doesn't think I have a problem, we have separate homes. He is a normal drinker. I've never disclosed to him my fear of my drinking, because then it makes it SO real. I've been my own keeper, and fear someone looking over my shoulder, but on the other hand, that hasn't worked for me.
I think we need to trust those that love us to help us, I'm talking to myself here. This is what I'm working on this week, and trying to realize that I must trust his love for me and let him support me in a healthier life from here on.
I think we need to trust those that love us to help us, I'm talking to myself here. This is what I'm working on this week, and trying to realize that I must trust his love for me and let him support me in a healthier life from here on.
Alcohol Free Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 482
Originally Posted by ArcticSA
You're really great, you know that?
I have been there too, thats all. You have a desire to stop drinking, as long as you have that desire and you clearly have it, then I will not stop offering support.
We all fall, some get up and some give up. We then fall again and again and again and well you get the idea. At the end, you will have a small number of people who substantially change their lives and achieve real happiness.
Thats all we want for you.
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 539
Originally Posted by gatorgirl67
ArticSA, I feel the same way about my fiance. His father was an alcoholic that eventually needed intervention to recover. I was so afraid early in our relationship that he would call me out on it, beacuse of what he had experienced with his dad. He has no idea I have been thinking about quitting for SIX months. I'm sure he doesn't think I have a problem, we have separate homes. He is a normal drinker. I've never disclosed to him my fear of my drinking, because then it makes it SO real. I've been my own keeper, and fear someone looking over my shoulder, but on the other hand, that hasn't worked for me.
I think we need to trust those that love us to help us, I'm talking to myself here. This is what I'm working on this week, and trying to realize that I must trust his love for me and let him support me in a healthier life from here on.
I think we need to trust those that love us to help us, I'm talking to myself here. This is what I'm working on this week, and trying to realize that I must trust his love for me and let him support me in a healthier life from here on.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: US
Posts: 195
We are all in the same boat. Whether it is a spouse, boyfriend or whatever we hid stuff from.
Hurry, get the beer case in the bottom of the recycling bin (I am environmentally conscious :-P) before she gets home. Stir the bin so she doesn't see all the bottles. Let's switch to cans so we can crush them and she doesn't see them.
Sobriety makes you face stuff that you would normally drink away. It's not pleasant, but it is something we have to face.
Hurry, get the beer case in the bottom of the recycling bin (I am environmentally conscious :-P) before she gets home. Stir the bin so she doesn't see all the bottles. Let's switch to cans so we can crush them and she doesn't see them.
Sobriety makes you face stuff that you would normally drink away. It's not pleasant, but it is something we have to face.
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 539
OK, so last night I was talking to hubby. I was talking about weight loss and said casually "Well if I can just stop drinking alcohol!"
and he said "I tried to tell you no last night, but you just kept at it!"
I said " I know, not anymore, I'm your prisoner now"(in a half-joking manner, not creepy)
So I got it out there.
Then today we were talking about weight loss again and I said, "As long as I can stay off the booze, just gotta get through the first week!"
and he was confused "The first week?? What do you mean?"
and i said "the first week is the worst, when i want alcohol"
he said" Wow, you definitely crave it worse than me then"
(yeah ya think?)
I said "Yup, especially 6-9pm, thats the worst"
So there it is. Its out there. He knows. And he's on board.
and he said "I tried to tell you no last night, but you just kept at it!"
I said " I know, not anymore, I'm your prisoner now"(in a half-joking manner, not creepy)
So I got it out there.
Then today we were talking about weight loss again and I said, "As long as I can stay off the booze, just gotta get through the first week!"
and he was confused "The first week?? What do you mean?"
and i said "the first week is the worst, when i want alcohol"
he said" Wow, you definitely crave it worse than me then"
(yeah ya think?)
I said "Yup, especially 6-9pm, thats the worst"
So there it is. Its out there. He knows. And he's on board.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: US
Posts: 195
Don't blame him for not understanding you addiction. He is not addicted, so he will not understand how it draws you in. Even if he was addicted, what triggers you may not trigger him. Be truthful with him and let him help you as it sounds like he wants too. Doesn't sound like you are on full disclosure with him... You are getting there however... :-)
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 539
Originally Posted by ronjohn
Don't blame him for not understanding you addiction. He is not addicted, so he will not understand how it draws you in. Even if he was addicted, what triggers you may not trigger him. Be truthful with him and let him help you as it sounds like he wants too. Doesn't sound like you are on full disclosure with him... You are getting there however... :-)
And your right, it's not full disclosure but better than before anyway
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: US
Posts: 195
Originally Posted by ArcticSA
Oh, I don't blame him. It just kind of makes me laugh(not in a funnyhahaway) that he didn't understand what I meant by a week being hard, just because it is so painfully obvious to me.
And your right, it's not full disclosure but better than before anyway
And your right, it's not full disclosure but better than before anyway
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