Trying to Drink when your spouse stubbornly stays sober
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: against the grain
Posts: 746
The only thing I can add, Raider, is that my wife and I have known we are both alcoholics for about 7 years. We have quit together, fallen back into drinking together,on and on. I am now 6 weeks sober and she is still struggling, stringing together a day or two here and there. If I were ever to drink again, it would have nothing to do with her, and ironically when I realized this, I became far more steadfast in my own sobriety. I think this has been discussed in an earlier post, but I wanted to echo it. She keeps asking, "how are you doing it this time?" It sounds selfish, but my response is, "when I realized that this is MY decision, nothing or no one else's, no bad day makes me drink, no good day makes me drink, no mean person, no nice person--its all me. I hope this does not make you want to drink, that's not my intention at ALL. I do not resent my wife's drinking. I feel terrible for her, I understand, I have the world of compassion for her and hope and pray that she can pull out of this and dedicate herself to a sober life.
I don't know if this helps, Raider. Did I get too off topic? I hope it can offer something.
Hopeing the best for you,
-Malcolm
I don't know if this helps, Raider. Did I get too off topic? I hope it can offer something.
Hopeing the best for you,
-Malcolm
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 380
I drank because I LOVED the feeling. No trigger no excuses. Over time it just became so boring. The same old thing. I guess I sort of made it a project to stop. That gave me something to do. I'm not so bored anymore... You sound apathetic to me?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Nutmegger
Posts: 1,799
Raider, the longer I am here (it's my only real connection with others in recovery) the more I realize that each of us take very different paths to get to where we want to be. The title of this thread was a bit different than any I've seen (can't see it from this window but I understood it as "how to keep drinking when your spouse is sober", I think we usually see the flip side.
I am just throwing this out there for consideration. My husband is someone who grew up in a family where exercise is as much a part of their routine as brushing their test. I tend to fluctuate wildly.in my fitness habits. Since I got sober I haven't been exercising, I know I am probably the only one on SR that isn't fit right now. But I recently realized something, I think there is a part of me that is being a couch potato as almost a declaration of independence, even though it is hurting me. He has never been critical or even commented on my habits, it's almost like I am doing it to myself.
I just wonder if perhaps his ability to stay sober for a while…are you using that against yourself as a weapon? Just a thought from this couch potato.
I am just throwing this out there for consideration. My husband is someone who grew up in a family where exercise is as much a part of their routine as brushing their test. I tend to fluctuate wildly.in my fitness habits. Since I got sober I haven't been exercising, I know I am probably the only one on SR that isn't fit right now. But I recently realized something, I think there is a part of me that is being a couch potato as almost a declaration of independence, even though it is hurting me. He has never been critical or even commented on my habits, it's almost like I am doing it to myself.
I just wonder if perhaps his ability to stay sober for a while…are you using that against yourself as a weapon? Just a thought from this couch potato.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
Raider.
I do not think that you need to know the reasons as to why you are drinking right now. It could be a million and it could be none. The fact that your husband is sober says everything about him and it really may not have anything to do with you. The fact that you have relapsed out of rehab, resuming your former habit only speaks for you.
I too went to a rehab and then at one week shy of a year sobriety, I let some sibling drama interfere with my sobriety. At least this is what I thought at the time. A huge part of me was not ready to be sober. I was for certain that I could control my consumption and nothing horrible was going to happen. It was not all that long after relapsing that I returned to uncontrollable behavior and stayed uncontrolled for the better part of 3 years. I tried to get away many many times and still went back to the one thing that had always been there, and would always prove to be fatal.
Tonight you have chosen to abstain. This is all that can be asked of anyone. We only have today. It is not too hard to handle, the 24 hour thing. I commend you and I hope that you will continue with another 24 hours. Take it slow. Dont over think it. Figure out what is good for you and what you really want.
I do not think that you need to know the reasons as to why you are drinking right now. It could be a million and it could be none. The fact that your husband is sober says everything about him and it really may not have anything to do with you. The fact that you have relapsed out of rehab, resuming your former habit only speaks for you.
I too went to a rehab and then at one week shy of a year sobriety, I let some sibling drama interfere with my sobriety. At least this is what I thought at the time. A huge part of me was not ready to be sober. I was for certain that I could control my consumption and nothing horrible was going to happen. It was not all that long after relapsing that I returned to uncontrollable behavior and stayed uncontrolled for the better part of 3 years. I tried to get away many many times and still went back to the one thing that had always been there, and would always prove to be fatal.
Tonight you have chosen to abstain. This is all that can be asked of anyone. We only have today. It is not too hard to handle, the 24 hour thing. I commend you and I hope that you will continue with another 24 hours. Take it slow. Dont over think it. Figure out what is good for you and what you really want.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: North salt lake
Posts: 3,325
Jayne, no I don't think so. And yes, I've not seen a post like mine here but by the replies there are a bunches of us addicts living with sober people. I am proud he hasn't picked up. God willing, if I can hang for the next two hours, this day will be in the books sober. Thanks.
Magsie
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,688
Hi Raider, I had been fully prepared to go over the road to our local pub for a couple of hours on New Year's Eve but husband didn't mention it, no drinking in our house, he isn't a big drinker.
I mentioned it last night we didn't get over the road and he said it wouldn't have fair to me if we had gone to pub, I had got all my excuses ready and preferred drinks ready to ask for.
We don't speak much about things that really matter and I didn't think he paid attention to my non drinking but obviously does.
I have plenty of other issues to deal with on my own but God willing, it will sort out.
But for now, one day at a time with baby steps, which for the last few months is new for me, I always want to rush in, get it completed, impatient to get to the end.
But Raider, this has no end, this is sure footed steps for our life. You can do, Raider. x
I mentioned it last night we didn't get over the road and he said it wouldn't have fair to me if we had gone to pub, I had got all my excuses ready and preferred drinks ready to ask for.
We don't speak much about things that really matter and I didn't think he paid attention to my non drinking but obviously does.
I have plenty of other issues to deal with on my own but God willing, it will sort out.
But for now, one day at a time with baby steps, which for the last few months is new for me, I always want to rush in, get it completed, impatient to get to the end.
But Raider, this has no end, this is sure footed steps for our life. You can do, Raider. x
Last edited by Mags1; 01-02-2014 at 09:23 PM. Reason: Spelling
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: North salt lake
Posts: 3,325
We don't speak much either. Interesting, I wonder did he notice I didn't drink tonight? I'm sure he noticed I'm still up at 11:10pm. Keeps looking at me.....no, probably my imagination. Hahahaha. .
.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 1,635
Good job on day one!
You seem like I was for a long time- you want to want to quit. I don't know what consequences you have had as a result of your alcoholism, mine were many, but they were not what made me surrender and stop.
I just got tired of doing the same thing over and over. It wasn't working. I suddenly realized that alcohol did nothing but cause me problems.
If alcohol has not caused you any problems YET, if you are like me, it will. Keep drinking and I promise you everything gets worse. Stop drinking one day at a time and I PROMISE you things get better. You just need to stay sober long enough to realize this.
Hugs to you!!!!
You seem like I was for a long time- you want to want to quit. I don't know what consequences you have had as a result of your alcoholism, mine were many, but they were not what made me surrender and stop.
I just got tired of doing the same thing over and over. It wasn't working. I suddenly realized that alcohol did nothing but cause me problems.
If alcohol has not caused you any problems YET, if you are like me, it will. Keep drinking and I promise you everything gets worse. Stop drinking one day at a time and I PROMISE you things get better. You just need to stay sober long enough to realize this.
Hugs to you!!!!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
