Don't really know what to post.....
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,443
Hi Raider,
I remember when I got out of rehab and had to go back to real life. I was terrified. My family thought I should now just be fixed and were relentless in their obsession with my sobriety. It was overbearing and overwhelming. I felt like I was going to explode from it all. I almost started drinking again many, many times.
I had to set aside for a bit all that I had learned in rehab and just break down my life to the simplest of tasks. And the first task every day was to not drink. And that was all I could accomplish for the first few months, just not drink for each day. Not worry about anything beyond that day. Not worry about never, ever drinking again, not worry about finding a job right away, not worry about healthy eating or exercise or anything. Not worry about obsessing about sobriety.
I plodded along each day not drinking for that day and eventually after a long while I started to get back to life.
It is the old standby....I will not drink today.
Your story sounds a lot like mine and I came out on the other side and I really think you can too.
I wish you all the best.
I remember when I got out of rehab and had to go back to real life. I was terrified. My family thought I should now just be fixed and were relentless in their obsession with my sobriety. It was overbearing and overwhelming. I felt like I was going to explode from it all. I almost started drinking again many, many times.
I had to set aside for a bit all that I had learned in rehab and just break down my life to the simplest of tasks. And the first task every day was to not drink. And that was all I could accomplish for the first few months, just not drink for each day. Not worry about anything beyond that day. Not worry about never, ever drinking again, not worry about finding a job right away, not worry about healthy eating or exercise or anything. Not worry about obsessing about sobriety.
I plodded along each day not drinking for that day and eventually after a long while I started to get back to life.
It is the old standby....I will not drink today.
Your story sounds a lot like mine and I came out on the other side and I really think you can too.
I wish you all the best.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Costa Mesa, CA
Posts: 214
Originally Posted by Raider 
I will pray God removes the obsession. Thanks guys.
Pam
Pam
We will be thinking of you...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: North salt lake
Posts: 3,325
Olive YES! That is a big piece of me. I spent those two months in Alaska with my family. Ack! Yes overwhelming! I threatened to leave but I just hurt everyone by that. Stopped doing that real fast. People don't know how to respond when you get out of rehab anymore than I know how to respond back. It's awkward for everyone. Just have to remember we are all doing the best we can. Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne, Victoria Australia
Posts: 1,202
Raider, dear - I have hope for you, just as I must have for myself. I understand - totally - what you said about feeling so tired of the whole recovery thing.
But what I have learned, this just-past year (it's 2014 here now) of multiple relapses / periods of sobriety / relapses etc, ad nauseum, is:
NONE of us would be here on SR, in rehabs, detoxes, AA, practising AVRT or whatever each of us tries, over and over again for some of us, if we weren't alcoholics. And yet...and yet...we are many other things besides. We CAN be sober people, doing stuff which expands our world. You know that and have experienced it, and so have I and so many others.
The world indeed feels very dark once we start drinking again (and I should know, so I speak directly to you from my own current experience). And yet...and yet....the day will come when you, Pam, say - just as I will: 'no more'. Or rather: 'yes please, I want to feel that unbearable lightness of being that comes with being sober. I've felt it once, twice, several times....and I want to feel it again'.
This moment WILL come for you Pam. It's quite OK to just hang out and lurk on SR, or just post rarely. The main thing is: hold on to that tiny hope, even if it's only an ember. I'm with you on this.
xx Vic
But what I have learned, this just-past year (it's 2014 here now) of multiple relapses / periods of sobriety / relapses etc, ad nauseum, is:
NONE of us would be here on SR, in rehabs, detoxes, AA, practising AVRT or whatever each of us tries, over and over again for some of us, if we weren't alcoholics. And yet...and yet...we are many other things besides. We CAN be sober people, doing stuff which expands our world. You know that and have experienced it, and so have I and so many others.
The world indeed feels very dark once we start drinking again (and I should know, so I speak directly to you from my own current experience). And yet...and yet....the day will come when you, Pam, say - just as I will: 'no more'. Or rather: 'yes please, I want to feel that unbearable lightness of being that comes with being sober. I've felt it once, twice, several times....and I want to feel it again'.
This moment WILL come for you Pam. It's quite OK to just hang out and lurk on SR, or just post rarely. The main thing is: hold on to that tiny hope, even if it's only an ember. I'm with you on this.
xx Vic
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: My city of ruins...
Posts: 593
Raider - you haven't given up. You may have lost some battles, and are in the midst of one right now, but you have not lost the war.
If you were ready to call it a day and let alcohol win you wouldn't be here. Somewhere inside of you there is a voice telling you not to give up. Listen to it and let it get louder and stronger each day. You will live sober when that voice is louder than the one telling you to drink.
I wish you peace and happiness in 2014.
If you were ready to call it a day and let alcohol win you wouldn't be here. Somewhere inside of you there is a voice telling you not to give up. Listen to it and let it get louder and stronger each day. You will live sober when that voice is louder than the one telling you to drink.
I wish you peace and happiness in 2014.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: against the grain
Posts: 746
Keep at it, Raider. Get up and keep working. Make it happen. We all go through this cycle in some way shape or form. I truly hope that you find peace and happiness. I'm glad you are still here.
Wishing you the best,
-Malcolm
Wishing you the best,
-Malcolm
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Strailya
Posts: 8,023
Raider
If I am reading between the lines correctly, I sense that you view sobriety as a heavy burden which is daunting and overwhelming. It can be if you project a lot about it and think "I will never drink again". Just as a suggestion, why not be chilled about the whole thing. Dont worry about it so much, dont think about it so much, just tread lightly. Think about right now and say, maybe I wont pick up tonight and see how that goes. Maybe it will feel good and maybe it wont but what the hey, I'll just give it a shot. If it feels ok, maybe try again tomorrow but dont put any pressure on yourself. Just wake up and try it one day at a time or even when you usually drink, delay it a bit like an hour or so.
One step at a time !
If I am reading between the lines correctly, I sense that you view sobriety as a heavy burden which is daunting and overwhelming. It can be if you project a lot about it and think "I will never drink again". Just as a suggestion, why not be chilled about the whole thing. Dont worry about it so much, dont think about it so much, just tread lightly. Think about right now and say, maybe I wont pick up tonight and see how that goes. Maybe it will feel good and maybe it wont but what the hey, I'll just give it a shot. If it feels ok, maybe try again tomorrow but dont put any pressure on yourself. Just wake up and try it one day at a time or even when you usually drink, delay it a bit like an hour or so.
One step at a time !
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,534
Hi Raider!
I am glad you are still here.
Now that you have gone to rehab and had some time sober, you know it can be done. So you will never be able to drink without thinking about being sober.
The way I see it, thinking about getting sober is tiring. And thinking about staying sober is tiring.
Pick your tiring.
I am glad you are still here.
Now that you have gone to rehab and had some time sober, you know it can be done. So you will never be able to drink without thinking about being sober.
The way I see it, thinking about getting sober is tiring. And thinking about staying sober is tiring.
Pick your tiring.
Keeping it simple!
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Surrey, BC
Posts: 3,282
Originally Posted by bemyself
Raider, dear - I have hope for you, just as I must have for myself. I understand - totally - what you said about feeling so tired of the whole recovery thing
There is nothing wrong with coming here and posting here no matter where you are in recovery.
Everyone has to make their own journey to get there
.
Timelord
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Liverpool, UK
Posts: 126
Anyone else feel uneasy about this thread, I know Raider is trying her best but the fact you are still drinking means your current recovery plan isn't working at all. Maybe posting this in the Alcoholism thread might be more appropriate.
Newcomers to recovery should be exactly that. I wish you all the best but the constant posts about failing will not inspire others which is surely what we should all be posting in this forum.
Just my opinion and I'm not knocking Raider and I hope she does eventually beat this.
Newcomers to recovery should be exactly that. I wish you all the best but the constant posts about failing will not inspire others which is surely what we should all be posting in this forum.
Just my opinion and I'm not knocking Raider and I hope she does eventually beat this.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Strailya
Posts: 8,023
Originally Posted by Banquo
Anyone else feel uneasy about this thread, I know Raider is trying her best but the fact you are still drinking means your current recovery plan isn't working at all. Maybe posting this in the Alcoholism thread might be more appropriate.
Newcomers to recovery should be exactly that. I wish you all the best but the constant posts about failing will not inspire others which is surely what we should all be posting in this forum.
Just my opinion and I'm not knocking Raider and I hope she does eventually beat this.
Newcomers to recovery should be exactly that. I wish you all the best but the constant posts about failing will not inspire others which is surely what we should all be posting in this forum.
Just my opinion and I'm not knocking Raider and I hope she does eventually beat this.
You are most certainly entitled to your opinion. Strangely enough, I checked the stickies and it didnt mention that we can only post in this forum if we wanted to inspire others.
FWIW, I personally couldnt care less if someone posted in this forum or that forum. I also dont care if a person has relapsed for a million times and is posting once more in the Newcomers Recovery forum.
My opinion is that this forum is for those seeking help to gain/regain/maintain sobriety. In order to do that, I would reckon they need to have the confidence to post what ever knowing that they will receive compassion, support, advice, encouragement all in a strictly non-judgemental manner.
One thing I am curious to ask you and that is how do you define success and failure in relation to alcoholism ? How does that paradigm apply to an addiction?
Just my opinion.
Have a lovely New Year !
Timelord
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Liverpool, UK
Posts: 126
Originally Posted by Kaneda8888
Banquo
You are most certainly entitled to your opinion. Strangely enough, I checked the stickies and it didnt mention that we can only post in this forum if we wanted to inspire others.
FWIW, I personally couldnt care less if someone posted in this forum or that forum. I also dont care if a person has relapsed for a million times and is posting once more in the Newcomers Recovery forum.
My opinion is that this forum is for those seeking help to gain/regain/maintain sobriety. In order to do that, I would reckon they need to have the confidence to post what ever knowing that they will receive compassion, support, advice, encouragement all in a strictly non-judgemental manner.
One thing I am curious to ask you and that is how do you define success and failure in relation to alcoholism ? How does that paradigm apply to an addiction?
Just my opinion.
Have a lovely New Year !
You are most certainly entitled to your opinion. Strangely enough, I checked the stickies and it didnt mention that we can only post in this forum if we wanted to inspire others.
FWIW, I personally couldnt care less if someone posted in this forum or that forum. I also dont care if a person has relapsed for a million times and is posting once more in the Newcomers Recovery forum.
My opinion is that this forum is for those seeking help to gain/regain/maintain sobriety. In order to do that, I would reckon they need to have the confidence to post what ever knowing that they will receive compassion, support, advice, encouragement all in a strictly non-judgemental manner.
One thing I am curious to ask you and that is how do you define success and failure in relation to alcoholism ? How does that paradigm apply to an addiction?
Just my opinion.
Have a lovely New Year !
Happy New Year to you too
Guest
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Nottingham (UK)
Posts: 2,690
Morning Raider One thing that worked for me, or rather put me right off drinking (I hadn't quit at the time) was volunteering at a local homeless shelter. The smell of it on people's breathe made me sick and on reflection, I think it was instrumental in me quitting (although not at first)
It had the added bonus, of building my self-esteem - making me feel worthwhile and valued and as we know, out self-esteem takes a serious nose-dive when we're drinking.
It's a new year so how about doing some volunteering of some sort?
Happy New Year to you babes Xx
One thing that worked for me, or rather put me right off drinking (I hadn't quit at the time) was volunteering at a local homeless shelter. The smell of it on people's breathe made me sick and on reflection, I think it was instrumental in me quitting (although not at first)It had the added bonus, of building my self-esteem - making me feel worthwhile and valued and as we know, out self-esteem takes a serious nose-dive when we're drinking.
It's a new year so how about doing some volunteering of some sort?
Happy New Year to you babes Xx
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Australia
Posts: 11,351
Hi raider , i remember the 2nd time i got out of rehab.
Once i started drinking a little , it quickly escalated and shocked me at how quickly that time was different to my first.
It was so fast and i seemed to need more and more just to feel normal.
I don't want this for you ;(
I wish for you , peace ....because you are going to need it once you go down this road again.
Hugs xxx
Once i started drinking a little , it quickly escalated and shocked me at how quickly that time was different to my first.
It was so fast and i seemed to need more and more just to feel normal.
I don't want this for you ;(
I wish for you , peace ....because you are going to need it once you go down this road again.
Hugs xxx
Timelord
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Liverpool, UK
Posts: 126
We need to rally round people who relapse but perhaps not in this forum. We all know where constant relapses lead to and that is death. Sorry to be negative but that is the bottom line.
Starting a new year should be about change not failings. I do feel sorry for you Raider but posting threads saying you are still drinking don't help anyone least of all yourself. We can't help anyone who won't help themselves.
This is my last post on this thread as I know it's not a popular opinion.
Starting a new year should be about change not failings. I do feel sorry for you Raider but posting threads saying you are still drinking don't help anyone least of all yourself. We can't help anyone who won't help themselves.
This is my last post on this thread as I know it's not a popular opinion.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: North East, US
Posts: 2,310
^^^ (someone's active thread is not the place for this discussion)^^^
Hey raider, yesterday I was trying to articulate to someone how easy it is to get away from what we want and ought to do. It doesn't happen with the snap of a finger. It's as slow as a sloth, slowly you make compromises and rationalizations as to why it's ok. It becomes easier and easier to act untrue to yourself. Slowly but surely you wake up and you've lost your way. How the hell did I get here? How the hell did I do that?
Did you do rehab for everyone else? I know despite feeling daunted most parts of you want this. Please keep posting and reading, many of the SR veterans started that way. Maybe one day your screen name will be in green
Happy new year raider!
Hey raider
, yesterday I was trying to articulate to someone how easy it is to get away from what we want and ought to do. It doesn't happen with the snap of a finger. It's as slow as a sloth, slowly you make compromises and rationalizations as to why it's ok. It becomes easier and easier to act untrue to yourself. Slowly but surely you wake up and you've lost your way. How the hell did I get here? How the hell did I do that? Did you do rehab for everyone else? I know despite feeling daunted most parts of you want this. Please keep posting and reading, many of the SR veterans started that way. Maybe one day your screen name will be in green
Happy new year raider!
Keeping it simple!
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Surrey, BC
Posts: 3,282
Originally Posted by Banquo
Newcomers to recovery should be exactly that. I wish you all the best but the constant posts about failing will not inspire others which is surely what we should all be posting in this forum.
I think I am a newcomer to recovery everyday
. Because I am always learning new things and growing.
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