Let's change our thinking: Step Two: Addiction is not my problem
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Let's change our thinking: Step Two: Addiction is not my problem
Thanks for all your responses to yesterday's post. So today we're going to look at what I call another example of flawed thinking.
Addiction is not our problem. We refuse to see the connection between drinking or drugging and our problems. We think we are drinking/ taking drugs because we have problems. For example, we think we are depressed or unhappy and we drink or take drugs to counteract that feeling, not realising that it is actually causing it. We convince ourselves that our addiction is a response to our unique and special set of problems, be they loneliness, grief, sexual or romantic frustration, financial problems or difficulties with the law. When other people challenge our addictive behaviour we say "You would drink or drug too if you had my problems."
We have a special ability to fantasise about the cowboy or detective in old films, who goes into bar after facing some life threatening challenge and orders a series of strong whiskies. We like to think that will help solve the problem he faces without really making a logical link between problem solving and getting drunk or getting high.
*****
Once again, I look forward to your responses, guys. I'll try and post another example of flawed thinking tomorrow, if I have time.
Addiction is not our problem. We refuse to see the connection between drinking or drugging and our problems. We think we are drinking/ taking drugs because we have problems. For example, we think we are depressed or unhappy and we drink or take drugs to counteract that feeling, not realising that it is actually causing it. We convince ourselves that our addiction is a response to our unique and special set of problems, be they loneliness, grief, sexual or romantic frustration, financial problems or difficulties with the law. When other people challenge our addictive behaviour we say "You would drink or drug too if you had my problems."
We have a special ability to fantasise about the cowboy or detective in old films, who goes into bar after facing some life threatening challenge and orders a series of strong whiskies. We like to think that will help solve the problem he faces without really making a logical link between problem solving and getting drunk or getting high.
*****
Once again, I look forward to your responses, guys. I'll try and post another example of flawed thinking tomorrow, if I have time.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Gulf Coast, Florida USA
Posts: 5,731
Originally Posted by endlesspatience 
Thanks for all your responses to yesterday's post. So today we're going to look at what I call another example of flawed thinking.
Addiction is not our problem. We refuse to see the connection between drinking or drugging and our problems. We think we are drinking/ taking drugs because we have problems. For example, we think we are depressed or unhappy and we drink or take drugs to counteract that feeling, not realising that it is actually causing it. We convince ourselves that our addiction is a response to our unique and special set of problems, be they loneliness, grief, sexual or romantic frustration, financial problems or difficulties with the law. When other people challenge our addictive behaviour we say "You would drink or drug too if you had my problems."
We have a special ability to fantasise about the cowboy or detective in old films, who goes into bar after facing some life threatening challenge and orders a series of strong whiskies. We like to think that will help solve the problem he faces without really making a logical link between problem solving and getting drunk or getting high.
*****
Once again, I look forward to your responses, guys. I'll try and post another example of flawed thinking tomorrow, if I have time.
Addiction is not our problem. We refuse to see the connection between drinking or drugging and our problems. We think we are drinking/ taking drugs because we have problems. For example, we think we are depressed or unhappy and we drink or take drugs to counteract that feeling, not realising that it is actually causing it. We convince ourselves that our addiction is a response to our unique and special set of problems, be they loneliness, grief, sexual or romantic frustration, financial problems or difficulties with the law. When other people challenge our addictive behaviour we say "You would drink or drug too if you had my problems."
We have a special ability to fantasise about the cowboy or detective in old films, who goes into bar after facing some life threatening challenge and orders a series of strong whiskies. We like to think that will help solve the problem he faces without really making a logical link between problem solving and getting drunk or getting high.
*****
Once again, I look forward to your responses, guys. I'll try and post another example of flawed thinking tomorrow, if I have time.
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
Very good stuff. Thinking like this may lead to endless counseling along the following lines: If we find what's making you drink, why you drink, then you won't drink any more. So tell me about your childhood, your mother, your sister. You say your sister committed suicide! How did that make you feel? How did your mother feel? How did you feel about the way your mother felt? This is all perfectly natural! Can you accept that? If so then you won't need to drink any more. $250 please for fifty minutes. See me again in two weeks and tell me how you're doing.
The doctors often asked me why I drank. I said I drank because of this, because of that. I'd been through some rough times. That's why I drank. Oh I learned very quickly how to play the game of "because". But times were better. I still drank. I drank because of all those rough times which I still remembered, could not get out of my dreams.
Yes, I remembered those things, dreamed about them. They didn't cause me to drink. I remembered them, dreamed about them because I wanted to drink. My body chemistry and physiology had changed and I needed to drink. And I needed a reason to explain to myself and others (including credulous counselors) "why" I drank. I needed the memories, the dreams, the past because they gave me a "reason" why I was slowly killing myself.
I drank because I had become an alcoholic and this is how I explained it all. And the alcohol caused further problems and gave me more "reasons" to drink. The ideal "medication" from a supplier's standpoint. It creates its own problems, creates further "reasons" why you "need" it, why you should "buy" it. And, at Christmas time and New Years they urge you to do just that and to "have a good day"! Because, they say, "Tis the season to be jolly!"
W.
The doctors often asked me why I drank. I said I drank because of this, because of that. I'd been through some rough times. That's why I drank. Oh I learned very quickly how to play the game of "because". But times were better. I still drank. I drank because of all those rough times which I still remembered, could not get out of my dreams.
Yes, I remembered those things, dreamed about them. They didn't cause me to drink. I remembered them, dreamed about them because I wanted to drink. My body chemistry and physiology had changed and I needed to drink. And I needed a reason to explain to myself and others (including credulous counselors) "why" I drank. I needed the memories, the dreams, the past because they gave me a "reason" why I was slowly killing myself.
I drank because I had become an alcoholic and this is how I explained it all. And the alcohol caused further problems and gave me more "reasons" to drink. The ideal "medication" from a supplier's standpoint. It creates its own problems, creates further "reasons" why you "need" it, why you should "buy" it. And, at Christmas time and New Years they urge you to do just that and to "have a good day"! Because, they say, "Tis the season to be jolly!"
W.
Kaleidoscope eyes
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: London
Posts: 5,243
I took to drink because I had many problems. It just took a while to realise that it wasn't the answer to them. It did cause more problems as everything snowballed, but the initial start of my drinking was due to horrific problems, but we are not all the same. All depends what life throws at us.
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: PA
Posts: 695
Maybe I am just not the usual drunk but I didn't drink because I had problems. Drinking made existing problems worse and created a slew of new problems. My mother, father, sisters, boss, and neighbors weren't to blame. I drank because I drank. I never expected some knight on a beautiful white horse to swoop down and save me. I always knew that the only person who could save me, was me. And it took a while but I finally did.
Along those same lines, only I am responsible for my sobriety. And only I am credited with my success and/or my failure.
Just my opinion.
Along those same lines, only I am responsible for my sobriety. And only I am credited with my success and/or my failure.
Just my opinion.
Kaleidoscope eyes
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: London
Posts: 5,243
Although I drank to numb my problems, that does not mean I don't hold myself accountable. Many people with similar problems didn't drink like me although some did. I was over sensitive I imagine. And it wasn't the right way of handling any of it - I know that now. But my point was that I never walked into a bar thinking. 'ooh life is bad, I'm going to be an alcoholic now'. I just learned over a period of time that it temporarily made me feel good for a while, but those whiles became shorter and shorter and things spun out of control. I am certainly not advocating that it is advisable to have a calming drink to make yourself feel better. However, they do seem to put this across in the media. "Oh look, she's shocked and upset. give her a brandy."
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: USA
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Drinking and drugging originally started out as a way to counter-act my feelings of social-awkwardness and depression. Key word: originally.
In a short amount of time there was always a reason to get another one:
When I was sad, I'd drink/drug to feel good.
When I felt good I drank/drugged to feel better.
When I felt better i'd figure "1 one of those made me feel THIS good, imagine what 2 or 3 or 4 would do! Let's find out!"
No matter how bad I feel, no matter how good I feel, no matter how high or how drunk I am, I am NEVER satisfied with how I'm feeling.
Sure, I struggle with mental health problems that may make being sober uncomfortable at times, but that is not the reason I used.
Today I know that I used drugs and alcohol because I am addict. That's the bottom line.
Thanks for the post.
In a short amount of time there was always a reason to get another one:
When I was sad, I'd drink/drug to feel good.
When I felt good I drank/drugged to feel better.
When I felt better i'd figure "1 one of those made me feel THIS good, imagine what 2 or 3 or 4 would do! Let's find out!"
No matter how bad I feel, no matter how good I feel, no matter how high or how drunk I am, I am NEVER satisfied with how I'm feeling.
Sure, I struggle with mental health problems that may make being sober uncomfortable at times, but that is not the reason I used.
Today I know that I used drugs and alcohol because I am addict. That's the bottom line.
Thanks for the post.
Last edited by jakec; 12-29-2013 at 10:22 AM. Reason: added a word
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Originally Posted by KateL
I took to drink because I had many problems. It just took a while to realise that it wasn't the answer to them. It did cause more problems as everything snowballed, but the initial start of my drinking was due to horrific problems, but we are not all the same. All depends what life throws at us.
So gradually or maybe not so gradually my body and my chemistry changed to "adapt" to what I was doing to myself. And soon the drinking started to create "problems". And the cycle began. And because my body wanted the alcohol, needed it, I got skillful at playing the game of "because". And the doctors played it too. "If we just get to the root of the matter then you won't need to drink." And by the way, here's an open prescription, perpetually refillable, for chloral hydrate in liquid form. Or later on, you complain about insomnia? Not a problem, here's a prescription for two barbiturates, one fast acting and the other slow acting. Or later on, here's one for 100 Xanax. Refillable of course.
So the dance went on for forty years. Somehow I managed to survive the alcohol. But it's amazing how I survived the doctors and the great game of "Because". It took forty years to figure out that the first order of business is to stop the drinking and that's not done merely by the doctor saying, "Now you mustn't drink you know!" It may require a rehab, aftercare, random testing, counseling and a program which provides the support of others in recovery. And it may need even more. And it doesn't always work.
W.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: England
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We certainly are all different! I never drank because of problems, I drank to make a good day even better. If I was feeling good I wanted to feel even better. If I was feeling positive I wanted to feel even more positive. I drank in celebration. I drank on holidays. I drank at weekends. Etc etc . Sometimes I didn't need much reason to celebrate! I am slowly learning that I don't need to drink in order to enhance a good day, just enjoy it for what it is.
Kaleidoscope eyes
Join Date: Oct 2013
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Originally Posted by Toffee1
We certainly are all different! I never drank because of problems, I drank to make a good day even better. If I was feeling good I wanted to feel even better. If I was feeling positive I wanted to feel even more positive. I drank in celebration. I drank on holidays. I drank at weekends. Etc etc . Sometimes I didn't need much reason to celebrate! I am slowly learning that I don't need to drink in order to enhance a good day, just enjoy it for what it is.
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Location: SE Arizona
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Like Toffee1, I drank because I enjoyed drinking. I liked the buzz; I liked the look of wine, beer and whiskey; I liked the ceremony attending drinking and I liked the conviviality of drinking and conversing. My problem was that I liked these things too much!
There are no other excuses for my drinking. I had a happy childhood with caring parents, I have been happily married for 55 years, I have friends, I have had some great adventures and a satisfying career. Other than being over-fond of alcohol, I have been richly blessed. I have absolutely no sorrows to drown.
Perhaps I have some character flaws for which I drink to compensate, if so I am not aware of either the flaws (denial?) or the compensation. So, like Toffee1, I would drink to celebrate or to make a good day better. And, I have learned several times now that one doesn't need alcohol to do either.
There are no other excuses for my drinking. I had a happy childhood with caring parents, I have been happily married for 55 years, I have friends, I have had some great adventures and a satisfying career. Other than being over-fond of alcohol, I have been richly blessed. I have absolutely no sorrows to drown.
Perhaps I have some character flaws for which I drink to compensate, if so I am not aware of either the flaws (denial?) or the compensation. So, like Toffee1, I would drink to celebrate or to make a good day better. And, I have learned several times now that one doesn't need alcohol to do either.
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Yeah, I drank to escape from problems, that was my mindset, but on reflection nothing was achieved, the problems still existed in the morning, only I then needed to also deal with a hangover, the inevitable consequence was drinking again the next day to escape again, and so the snowball just kept spiralling!
So in the end the definition of "my problems" also included my addiction!!
So in the end the definition of "my problems" also included my addiction!!
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Just to "make myself perfectly clear" as a famous (infamous?) fellow once said, I didn't drink because of my problems but when I was asked why I drank I would say to others, and to myself that I drank because of my "problems". And the doctors I went to seemed to fall for that and spent lots of time "helping" me to see what the "problems" were. They got paid for it and we played the "Because" game for forty years. Drinking had changed my chemistry and physiology and until that was somehow changed back and stabilized I would continue drinking and "explaining" that in all sorts of ways. So how does one do that? In my case, it was rehab, aftercare, random testing and joining a group of other recovering alcoholics. Some may say they just managed to "quit" all by themselves. I couldn't do that. I needed help. Finally I got it.
W.
W.
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I drank for all sorts of reasons. I was a teen when I started drinking and I hung out with teens that drank. That is not really a unique situation. I find it to be common. Years later it turned into other reasons to drink. Problems, having fun, boredom, depression, celebrations, etc.
Seeing how i come from a long line of addiction, the chances of me ending up battling this sort of nonsense was pretty big. Cyclic family stuff. Not an excuse by any means. I am happy to have been able to recognize it.
Now days, I think that I need a nap, food, sugar, or a good cry to get things strait again upstairs. I like the saying that life is 10 % of what happens to you and 90% of how you react to it. I am learning to react in a healthy way these days. Think before I act.....Where will this one drink lead? What is my motivation? Will this help? What tool is necessary right now? Oh, and my real go to these days is, "Mizzuno, you have been banned from drinking. Wine Country will not have you. Carry on now!"
I think I have gone sideways here, but somehow it is relative.
Seeing how i come from a long line of addiction, the chances of me ending up battling this sort of nonsense was pretty big. Cyclic family stuff. Not an excuse by any means. I am happy to have been able to recognize it.
Now days, I think that I need a nap, food, sugar, or a good cry to get things strait again upstairs. I like the saying that life is 10 % of what happens to you and 90% of how you react to it. I am learning to react in a healthy way these days. Think before I act.....Where will this one drink lead? What is my motivation? Will this help? What tool is necessary right now? Oh, and my real go to these days is, "Mizzuno, you have been banned from drinking. Wine Country will not have you. Carry on now!"
I think I have gone sideways here, but somehow it is relative.
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Location: Central America/Florida USA
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Originally Posted by wpainterw
The alcohol caused further problems and gave me more "reasons" to drink. The ideal "medication" from a supplier's standpoint. It creates its own problems, creates further "reasons" why you "need" it, why you should "buy" it.
Everyone has bumps in the road. Relationship problems, family issues, death of a loved one, loss of employment etc...this happens to every human being on the planet. Alcoholics don't have a monopoly on grief.
We turn to the bottle as often in good times as we do in bad. I was never drinking to hide from problems, really. I was drinking because I'm addicted to alcohol, and would always find a reason to open a bottle any time of the day or night.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
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Great post, EP. I had awful anxiety for a long time and stupidly didn't see that it was caused mostly by my drinking. Basically, everything bad that has happened in my life has been caused by my drinking problem. Not that there haven't been obstacles and challenges just from life, but I could have handled them better without the booze. I *refused* to see alcohol as the cause of many problems because I didn't want to have to give it up, since that would be the logical thing to do, right?
June
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In the beginning for me alcohol helped me with my social awkwardness too. I could be "someone" I felt I wanted to be. Now, it is the last person I want to be. I relapsed at 10 days this week (how many 10 day's I've had in the last 2 years - 4 months being the longest)....my "excuse" for drinking this time was because I was "upset" about something that would be upsetting to anyone.....but I chose to drink over it. I know I have to learn to change that type of thinking.
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Thanks so much for your helpful responses, eveyone. I've just started a new thread with another discussion about flawed thinking. Today's thread is about the idea that we could stop anytime if we really want to.
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