Serotonin

I started drinking and drugging because I wanted to. Eventually I believe I drank because I wanted to, and also to make my life's problems seem less profound. This only resulted in compounding my problems and pissing away many opportunities and stunting my emotional maturity. Today I'm choosing not to drink because I'm tired of putting my problems off and feeling lost and unfulfilled. I'm choosing to face my issues and not drink. I have no excuses. It's been my choice to drink, and now I'm choosing not to. I have a lot of damage to undo by years of the same routine, but today I embrace the challenge and struggle, because tomorrow I will be stronger and better off for it. I expect there to be challenges I cannot yet see, and I'm comming to terms with that.

somehope

Thank you. I've actually told my husband today that my relapse would have happened to anyone who got hit with what happened to me on Saturday.

I just don't know why I can't get it. My relapses are becoming fewer and farther between but they're still happening and the withdrawal gets worse everytime. I don't know how to do this and I simply don't know how to cope. My life is a never ending nightmare and I don't know how to deal with things so I end up bolting for the store to get booze because it's the only way I know how to cope. Then my depression and anxiety gets worse so I drink more. It's ridiculous. I have 4 university degrees yet can't teach myself that drinking will make any problem worse.

Serotonin

For me I had to learn that clearity would only come with time and patience. The effects of alcohol are immediate, but real life takes time and patience. I'm very early in my sobriety, so when I get impatient, angry, depressed, I tell myself "just wait, it's not the end of the world. It will eventually make sense."