Pmaub

Hello all. And merry Xmas. My story is this (cliff note version). I am an alcoholic and no one around me knows it. I am also a quitter vowed to quit each time. A little about me. I have a great job. Been married for 10 years have a great wife and daughter. Problem is I drink too much and each time I vow to quit I can't. I rationalize. I will only have one, I will quit once.... , I call myself the 5-8 alcoholic. Mainly just wine. I never wake up wanting a drink, never go to work drunk, it just seems like 15 years of drinking have had it effects on my health. Seems like a constant vertigo sensation and I usually drink to feel right. That's why around 5 or 6 in the evening is when I start and stop around 8 or 9. I now have Trouble concentrating, sometimes shortness of breath etc. had yearly physical all labs normal but I do take 1/2 pill klonopin a day because dr things I need to slow down a little. Thing is I usually only have 3 glasses of wine and that is it. Reason I don't think anyone knows is it has never interfered with family or work life. It is my secret I carry around. But I know that if I don't quit things will start to go down hill. I feel as though if I quit I will miss the good times I had with alcohol if u want to call it that. I just kid myself saying I am going to quit or make up rules like no drinking during the week which I don't follow. I will go a week without but about 2 days into it I get the lightheaded feeling like I need to hold onto something when I walk then 4 straight days drinking then a few days not. I guess I need to start somewhere and declare this the day I quit once and for all.

feeling-good

Hello and welcome

I used to stress myself out a lot over quitting but really it's not worth the stress - just know that there are many many people here who totally understand what it is like and we are all rooting for you

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum!!

Yeah it's difficult to change when on the outside it's not noticeable or there are no detrimental consequences, but we know on the inside something needs to change!

It all starts with a Day 1!! . . . you'll find plenty of support here, we're all behind you!!

KateL

Welcome and good for you wanting to quit today. I used to drink on and off for years and always had the vertigo. I stopped drinking and soon it went forever. Good luck and keep posting xxx

Toffee1

Well done on recognising a problem. A lot of people don't get that far! As regards your comment about missing the so called good times , don't think twice about it. You will soon ask yourself what good times? The good times are just ahead if you give yourself a chance. Welcome along.

BillinSaratoga

Pmaub - welcome to SR. Very similar story only mine has been longer and the slippery slope caught me. Hiding it worked for me for some time but parties and other occasions things would happen, few too many drinks was typical and pretty soon too many was the norm. I haves stopped several times too, and always secret. For me it doesn't work - difference this time is I've admitted to wife and kids and most importantly myself. Feels different this time. My recommendation is admit to your wife and you'll be pleased by the support you get. Again great decision to stop

IOAA2

Welcome to what can become a life second to none and with feelings the same. It's work but the earlier we start the less hardships we need endure. Getting honest with ourselves about our drinking is necessary along with needing to get sober for ourselves. There are patterns I needed to change, places that were now off limits, friends I needed to avoid if they were drinking companions and healthy things to fill our time. I got very involved in AA and that was/is my way of staying sober. Reading these posts is also very helpful also along with the act of keep coming for more education.

BE WELL

Bubovski

I was an extreme drinker for a couple of decades.
Later I became somewhat more "normal".
Still, even moderate drinking was a problem, for many reasons.
Any danger signs may indicate need for a sea change.
You may find it really good; I did!

foolsgold66

Welcome to SR.

firstymer

Welcome to SR, Pmaub. If you are ready to quit, you will find a lot of support from the smart and kind people here at SR. They have been so helpful to me. Good luck. I am glad you are here with us.

Thepatman

Welcome to SR! I'm glad you realize that your health is taking a beating.

As for people not knowing, i would doubt your wife never realized something.
Specially if she doesn't drink everyday, our breath cannot be hidden.

You will find great people here with similar stories, and one thing in common, our relationship with Alcohol was not healthy.

resolute50

Hello and welcome to SR.
Glad you found the site.
5 months today since I've had a drink. Lots of help and encouragement here.

Tiptree

Hi Pmaub - Welcome to SR. I'm pretty new here myself. I drank wine very much like you for many years, not drinking in the morning, never drinking at work. But get home and first thing is to open the bottle. I eventually escalated to drinking a bottle and half (at least) every night. And often with a martini chaser on bad nights. I drank even more on weekends, vacations, and holidays. I developed terrible vertigo, mine was made worse by drinking. I also felt short of breath, sweating profusely at the lightest exertion, and in the heat my heart would start to race, that if I didn't get somewhere cool I could literally drop dead. And I thought this was all ok for a long time. The denial is so strong. I've finally quit and think it might stick this time because I just can't take feeling like **** all the time! and need to know who I am without the alcohol. And so far (~3months sober) I have no vertigo, lost some weight I could never lose before, and am much less anxious. I'm also taking care of me, and like myself most of the time now. I think you are ready to start this journey and Wish you all the best. SR has been a great help for me. Glad you found it too.

malcolmsloan

I totally relate to people not knowing of our problem. This was me 100%. I was a brilliant actor. I even used to lie, telling people that I did not drink. But it was a complex lie because I used to quit every day-yes, every day, so when I'd tell someone at noon that I did not drink, I actually thought I meant it. Then 5 or so would come around and I'd be right back to it.

You will find lots of support, understanding, insight, and help here. If you really want to do this, you will.
Welcome!
Malcolm

Pmaub

Well thank you all for the support. I must say that today the 27th is the day that I must claim my sobriety. I did have a drink late Christmas evening actually after midnight so technically thinking back I can't say I stopped on the 26th since I had one around 12am that day. Reading these stories makes me feel as though I am not alone and I did tell my wife that I was going to stop. Daughter is still too young to understand. It does feel like weight off my chest. Now the fun begins being around people who will offer me drinks and telling them no thanks I don't want that life anymore.