JWC

I'm far from a "newcomer to recovery" but I think this is where I should do my reintroduction. I was a member of this board a little over a year ago but couldn't remember my Email address or password. I come back humbled, or my tail between my leg, or whatever you want to call it. I'm having a really rough time. I managed to stay sober for 6 months this year. That's the longest I've had since 2006. I was extremely proud of it but I threw that all away. I've been drinking on and off since then. And when I drink, I go all out. I was up to a 3-liter of vodka a day habit until I "lost" my wallet a few days ago. I guess that can be considered a blessing in disguise since it forced me to get sober (again). I've done it all: detox, rehab, inpatient, outpatient, residential, therapy, medication. I'll be 33 in 5 days. I want this awful cycle to just STOP. I'm sick of what I've done to myself, my family and friends. I also have a 10 month old son 1,000 miles away I've never got to see and drinking is 95% of the reason for that. If you'll have me back, I'd be very grateful and I'll take any and all the help I can get. It's Christmas Eve and I feel so depressed, so lonely, so helpless. I just want to be happy. To be sober. This drowning my feelings and depression and trying to numb them with vodka is getting really old, really fast. Thanks for reading.

- J

KateL

You can definitely reclaim your life and perhaps even your family, but your life certainly. Please get well, you are still young enough to have many good years ahead of you. I wish I had stopped at your age x

Chris445

My thoughts and prayers go out to you, holidays alone when you are depressed and trying to stay sober have to be terribly difficult. Not sure if you ever tried A.A., but a lot of the meetings hold Alcathons over Christmas Eve. These are get togethers that last all night and into Christmas Day. It will give you a chance to get away from yourself for awhile at least and there are many there who will understand what you are going through. Check your local A.A. website for info.

Greensleeves

Welcome back, JWC. I checked in to SR for the first time last year, right around this time. I read for a while before I ever posted because I was scared I just couldn't do it and I didn't want to waste anybody's time. But I did sign up, and I kept reading and posting. With the help of SR, I'll have one year sober in January. I never thought I could do it, either, but the support here has made a world of difference for me. I'm hoping you'll find this time works for you.

Keep reading, and keep posting. Merry Christmas, JWC. You're not alone.

Sparkydog

Welcome back. I just came back myself.

foolsgold66

Welcome back. You did it once, you can do it again.

JWC

Thank you for all the kind words everyone.

Chris, I have been to AA. There are certain things I love about the fellowship and some things that I don't agree with 100%. I certainly do want to get to some meetings but don't plan on doing the 90 in 90. I actually did attend part of an Alcathon a couple years back. It's great that they do that.

least

Glad you're back trying again. I hope you succeed this time. You have our support.

Thepatman

Welcome back! Have you tried other options like rational recovery, AvRT, smart?

Have you identified why you went back to Alcohol after your 6 months? If you work on that you can most likely avoid relapse next time

Hevyn

It's great to have you back JWC. You sound determined, and ready to do it this time.

JWC

I haven't heard of AvRT or Rational Recovery but I'm definitely going to now. Smart recovery only has one meeting a week where I am and it's about 15 miles away and I currently don't have an active license.

Many different things trigger me but the bottom line is I'm an alcoholic. I could always come up with some excuse or way to justify my drinking. I just need to find a way to have a thought of drinking without actually giving into it. I have a big problem with thinking about drinking and having my mind be made up. I have to stop somewhere from having the thought process and ending up in a liquor store. Cause I know these thoughts won't ever completely go away.

Marcher13

Welcome JWC! It's helped me to focus on one day at a time. Read around SR, make sure you have pleasant non-alcoholic alternatives and make sobriety your #1 priority. You've done it before, you can do it again and stay sober.

LindaLou

Welcome back JWC! I'm glad you decided to come back. I did pretty much the same thing....got clean for about 6 months then fell off. The important this is we came back and are still trying to get/stay sober. Good for you! I've got almost 2 months now, one day at a time, and checking in here every day. We are here for you!

SnowDawg

Good luck JWC. Hope things go well for you. Welcome back!

Thepatman

Google AVRT, they have a crash course online and it's free. Takes around 10 minutes. Might be worth checking!

I use the technique they teach, + urge surfing, you can google that also.

FourSeasons

JWC! SR is a great tool on the road to recovery. Keep reading and posting!

You will learn so much and glean amazing insight and receive priceless advise from people who have been there and done that!! KateL is right on. I cannot agree with her more. I hope you stick around and stay strong!!

Pondlady

Merry Christmas JWC,
Sounds like you have a pretty good idea where you fall short. I too was thinking about urge surfing, it might help keep you from ending up in the liquor store once you start thinking about alcohol.

HenryKrinkle

Welcome back JWC. I just came back too in the last week. I'm determined to succeed this time and it sounds like you are too.

Inca

Welcome back and of course we are happy to have you on the post. Sounds like you are ready for a huge change. Please don't give up. There must be something else that's missing that you're not currently doing. Do you know what it is? Are you going to enough meetings and working a program?

Merry Christmas!

instant

Great to have you here. Sobriety can be a great way to live. I hope you find a path that works for you.