Louise82

So I've just realized why this is so weird.

To be more specific, I'm 5 months sober and this is my first sober night not staying in my own bed.

It's Christmas Eve and I'm staying at my mum's for the first time since I got sober. I live by myself in my own flat and have only just recently realised how grateful I am to be living by myself while I get sober. Although I'm not a people person I can cope with going to AA ("a group of people for people who don't like groups of people") so long as I know I eventually get to go home and climb into my own bed by myself.

But now I'm at my mum's and I have to spend the whole night with her, the whole of Christmas morning with her and then we're going to spend Christmas afternoon at the house of a family I don't know that well.

I think this set-up is bugging me for two main reasons:

1. I'm one of those alcoholics that likes to be in control of everything. I like living by myself because I get to control my own environment. Now I have to spend whole hours of time with other people over Christmas and, God forbid, I might actually have to do what other people want to do rather than just doing what I want to do all the time. Imagine!

2. From the time I graduated from university onwards, I basically drank while I was living with my mother. I've only gotten sober 3 years after moving into my own flat. Even when I came back to visit and stay the night once in a while during the past three years, I've sneakily drank to make the time go faster/make things interesting. I don't want to drink but I don't want to stay in an unfamiliar environment sober, unable to escape from the fact that I can't entertain myself exactly how I please, like I would be able to if I were at home.

This has come across as a moany, ungrateful whine -- because it is -- so I will end by saying that deep down I know that I am truly grateful to have made it to my first sober Christmas and to have a mum to spend it with. I have so much when so many people, including many on here, have nothing at Christmas. So I'm sorry for being an ungrateful witch. Now that I've gotten it off my chest, maybe I'll develop a sense of humour and levity about it all. Have a happy and sober Christmas y'all!

Inca

I'm glad you shared your fears and frustration on here. Get it all out and then keep doing what you're doing to stay sober for Christmas. The holidays are tough, especially when you're thrown into a different situation and place. You can get through this and you're right. It does feel really good to know you can get through the holidays in one piece!

kadidee

Louise, I completely relate as we sound very similar. I actually put off going to my parents' until tomorrow to have one more day/night in my own space. I like to control my environment too.

Merry, merry Christmas! I like your thoughts on developing a sense of humor and levity about it all. Can I borrow that?

Seabee

At least you are smart enough to recognize it. Can you try to convince your Mom to do something you want to do?

Louise82

Thanks guys. Lol, sure you can borrow that kadidee!

Louise82

Thanks. Yeah, I think I'm just being silly and that my mum would let me do what I want to do anyway if I just asked. I'm a people-pleaser so I've just been saying "I don't mind" every time she's asked me what I want to watch on TV etc. But I think she realised I was a bit fed up because she asked straight out if I wanted to use my laptop, which is why I'm on SR now, lol.

I'm a bit happier now I'm on here so I don't really want to do anything else for the time being. Just chatting to fellow alcoholics, either on here or at AA, always makes me feel better.

KateL

Good luck. I'm sure you will be fine xx

Seabee

Me too. I've been on here the better part of 2 days. The voice keeps telling me to just go to the store and get a bottle. I keep trying to tell it no. I have talked to enough people and know that we only understand each other. No one else seems to understand. Lucky them.

Marcher13

I know what you mean Louise but you'll be home on Thursday night. If things overwhelm you slip into your room and check in here at SR. I'm cheering you on.

Cathryn2001

I have some control issues, too, Louise, so I totally "get it!" Hope that you are feeling happier as time passes! Keep that sense of humor, and continue to stick close to SR for support! Thinking of you! Merry Christmas!

Dee74

I like sleeping in my bed too - I'm not sure it's control issues so much as routine issues - I'm a little aspergerish I think.

One night away was ok, but two nights I get skittish.

My family is a little hard to handle too - it's like a sudden melee of noisy people, all of who I love but none of whom I especially like.

A few hours is ok tho - I know you'll get through it OK Louise

Merry Christmas

Louise82

Thanks everyone. Hope you're all having a great Christmas! It's evening here now - I survived the day and am still sober!

Cathryn2001

Fabulous news, Louise! I was thinking about you and wondering how you were doing!

Louise82

Aw thanks Cathryn, that's so sweet! How's your Christmas going?