I'm powerless over other people.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 415
I'm powerless over other people.
I just got back from an NA meeting(my 2nd one today, look at me go..lol)
and we read Step 1 out of "It Works: How & Why."
This couldn't have been a better chapter for me to read/hear, because it made me realize that not only am I powerless over my addiction, but I am powerless over other people as well.
One of my best friends has been struggling with addiction for a while.. We are a lot alike - similar stories, same drugs of choice, we look similar - we even overdosed together one time unfortunately(not something im proud of at all). He recently completed a 90 treatment program last month and had over 3 months clean and sober.... I found out yesterday that he relapsed, and when I asked him what happened he said "But I only used this drug and not that drug... It's really not that big of a deal". It makes me really sad that he doesn't realize that it's really the first one that starts the deadly cycle all over again and I am SO grateful that I know today that I cannot control my use of ANY mind- or mood- altering substance; whether it be pills, booze, pot, or dope, it all brings me to my knees; that miserable place of incomprehensible demoralization. And I must accept that I am powerless over the fact that he hasn't come to that conclusion yet. All I can do is pray that he does.
The same goes for another friend of mine that I met in rehab. He's really a great guy and has helped me so much before like talking to me on the phone, having NA basic text studies at his house, or taking me to a meeting... I found out today that he relapsed and is back out using. It breaks my heart but yet again all I can do is pray for him, maybe reach out to him and try to give back to him what he so freely gave to me when I was in his position, and again, accept that I am powerless....
Anyone else feel like this or is in a similar situation?
Thanks for reading.
(Sorry for the long post.)
and we read Step 1 out of "It Works: How & Why."
We addmitted that we are powerless over our addiction, that our lives have become unmanageable.
This couldn't have been a better chapter for me to read/hear, because it made me realize that not only am I powerless over my addiction, but I am powerless over other people as well.
Such as..
One of my best friends has been struggling with addiction for a while.. We are a lot alike - similar stories, same drugs of choice, we look similar - we even overdosed together one time unfortunately(not something im proud of at all). He recently completed a 90 treatment program last month and had over 3 months clean and sober.... I found out yesterday that he relapsed, and when I asked him what happened he said "But I only used this drug and not that drug... It's really not that big of a deal". It makes me really sad that he doesn't realize that it's really the first one that starts the deadly cycle all over again and I am SO grateful that I know today that I cannot control my use of ANY mind- or mood- altering substance; whether it be pills, booze, pot, or dope, it all brings me to my knees; that miserable place of incomprehensible demoralization. And I must accept that I am powerless over the fact that he hasn't come to that conclusion yet. All I can do is pray that he does.
The same goes for another friend of mine that I met in rehab. He's really a great guy and has helped me so much before like talking to me on the phone, having NA basic text studies at his house, or taking me to a meeting... I found out today that he relapsed and is back out using. It breaks my heart but yet again all I can do is pray for him, maybe reach out to him and try to give back to him what he so freely gave to me when I was in his position, and again, accept that I am powerless....
Anyone else feel like this or is in a similar situation?
Thanks for reading.
(Sorry for the long post.)
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Hi Jake - I'm in that situation pretty often here.
A long time ago, I learned that all I can share is my experience. What happens after that is simply not up to me
All I can do some days is pray that people will be ok and that they find their way.
I've lost people, we all have - but in my experience most people do find their way back to recovery
D
A long time ago, I learned that all I can share is my experience. What happens after that is simply not up to me
All I can do some days is pray that people will be ok and that they find their way.
I've lost people, we all have - but in my experience most people do find their way back to recovery
D
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by jakec 
It breaks my heart but yet again all I can do is pray for him, maybe reach out to him and try to give back to him what he so freely gave to me when I was in his position, and again, accept that I am powerless....
Anyone else feel like this or is in a similar situation?
Anyone else feel like this or is in a similar situation?
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Originally Posted by doggonecarl
I'm sure most of the people who followed your struggles here on SR felt that way with every one of your relapses....
It's hard to watch someone try so hard and to feel like you've done everything that you can to assist. The fact is still there though that no matter your efforts it's up to the person themselves to see it.
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
My best friend is an active alcoholic and has been on a bender since Thanksgiving. I am very sad but I had to go no contact for my own sanity. It looks like I will spend Christmas alone I do not expect him to miraculously sober up for Xsmas.
When it comes to a friend or loved one's addiction yes we are powerless. Al Anon's first step is the same than AA.
We did not cause it
We cannot control it
We cannot cure it.
When it comes to a friend or loved one's addiction yes we are powerless. Al Anon's first step is the same than AA.
We did not cause it
We cannot control it
We cannot cure it.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Midwest
Posts: 553
It can be really frustrating to see others relapse and to wonder "why why why?"
Reaching out to help is good. Just remember that your sobriety is the most important thing and sometimes people are just not done making themselves miserable. You can only help so much but ultimately it is their choice to use and you can neither control the situation or rescue them. You're doing the right things. Keep it up.
Reaching out to help is good. Just remember that your sobriety is the most important thing and sometimes people are just not done making themselves miserable. You can only help so much but ultimately it is their choice to use and you can neither control the situation or rescue them. You're doing the right things. Keep it up.
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
The ones that freak me out most are the ones I can't see coming.
I mean, sometimes you can tell by the way a person talks, or the look in their eyes that they are in that bargaining stage with themselves, or in denial.
But other times, bam, it seems out of the blue (at least to an outside observer) and then I am like...what happened? can it happen to me? Does this mean there is no help for this person that they truly CAN'T live clean and sober....what if that is true for me...what if in spite of my best efforts one day this thing grabs me from behind like a tiger...
In early recovery I really didn't know what to do, because I didn't feel I could honestly say "come back, you can do this thing."
Now I feel like I CAN say that, having had my own relapses, retreads, and returns...then finally getting my feet under me.
But it still scares me when someone I knew in recovery goes back out, and acts/talks like they've given up...that recovery isn't for them, they're one of the one's that won't make it, etc etc.
I even saw that on a tv show lately and it caused chills to run up my spine.
I mean, sometimes you can tell by the way a person talks, or the look in their eyes that they are in that bargaining stage with themselves, or in denial.
But other times, bam, it seems out of the blue (at least to an outside observer) and then I am like...what happened? can it happen to me? Does this mean there is no help for this person that they truly CAN'T live clean and sober....what if that is true for me...what if in spite of my best efforts one day this thing grabs me from behind like a tiger...
In early recovery I really didn't know what to do, because I didn't feel I could honestly say "come back, you can do this thing."
Now I feel like I CAN say that, having had my own relapses, retreads, and returns...then finally getting my feet under me.
But it still scares me when someone I knew in recovery goes back out, and acts/talks like they've given up...that recovery isn't for them, they're one of the one's that won't make it, etc etc.
I even saw that on a tv show lately and it caused chills to run up my spine.
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