happyperson

A few moments ago, I suddenly felt a strong desire to share. To tell a bit about my current situation. Good thing this group is here!

I just want to write. It doesn't even need to be read or responded to, though feel free if you want to. I just want to get it out of my system.

As some of you know, I initially came here on my fifth day sober, which was December 18th. The 19th I though, uninformed as I was, that I could have a beer. Big mistake. I ended up having two more. This was during the day. I took a nap, hoping to sleep it off, but woke up and ended up drinking so much. It started some time shortly after 6 PM and I ended up going to bed at some time around 7 AM on the 20th. It shouldn't surprise you that I don't quite remember what time it was exactly, but I vaguely remember a 7 on my alarm clock.

I had spent the night drinking God knows how many beers and two whole bottles of wine. I passed out in my chair a few times, only to wake up and continue.

Then I slept well into the afternoon and woke up with a terrible hangover. I'm still feeling some aftereffects. I could barely walk around and when I got to my living room, I saw that a chair was broken. There were wine stains on my desk. I had bruises. I can't remember, but apparently I had been falling and stumbling through my place. It was dangerous now that I think about it. I could have gotten hurt.

Last night I slept very restlessly. Had to go to the bathroom all the time. Feeling horrible. When I woke up I also felt so scared of the potential damage, financially, socially, health-wise. At one point I realized I needed to get out of bed. Staying in bed would never solve anything.

Fortunately the fear went away pretty fast as soon as I was actively working on the damage-control. Health-wise, I seem to be fine, except for still feeling a bit sick. Financially I have a little bit of a rough time ahead, but it will be ok in about two weeks. It does require me to only eat rice for a couple of days to save money, but there are worse things.

Other than that, no real damage. Thank God. This could have ended a lot worse.

So yesterday is my first day sober. I thought about the fact that I actually drank until after 7 AM that day and maybe I shouldn't count that day. But it feels right. It's the day I quit.

Today, as I was doing some laundry, it hit me: "It's over! It's finally over!" I felt so much relief and happiness. And knowing that from now on I can actually build a good, normal life again feels great. It will take some time, but if you do a bit each day, things will end up ok.

That last night of drinking was terrible. It was so much worse than I would usually drink. To be honest, it scared the hell out of me. The potential damage. The misery.

Anyway, as I said, I just wanted to share. I think I'll sleep better tonight. I know a bit more about withdrawal now and have accepted it as it is. Anything is better than drinking.

KateL

I think Sometimes it takes a devastating event like that to reaffirm our determination to be well. I think these events are sometimes meant to be. Well done for stopping and just concentrate on feeling better and embracing your new life xxx

instant

At times I felt like falling to my knees in thanks. Prior to that it felt like jumping out of a plane without a parachute.

Thats the way it goes.

I know there is a better life for you, if you can resist the temptation to give it another nudge.

At the stage you are at - I read the Big Book (free online) it made a big impact on me (I don't go to AA- so even if God is not your thing etc- I still recommend it)

Deckard

^^^ I second this. I also do not go to AA, but early on I found the Big Book to be a revelation.

happyperson

I'll check out the Big Book. I don't believe in God or any type of higher power, but I suppose I can still learn a lot from it.

Cara39

Hi Happyperson, I can identify alot with your post - I was very prone to binges during my drinking career!

I've just got 22 days but I have been logging in to SR everyday, posting and reading as much as I can and I can't tell you how much it has helped me. There is a thread for all of us who have quit in December - hope to see you there

genoparis

Sometimes a scary incident can be a powerful tool in determining your own motivation to change. I remember vividly the moment I realised that I was driving whilst drunk with my gorgeous, innocent, trusting 12 month old baby in the car. I haven't touched alcohol since then - thank God. Use that fear to help you focus when you are feeling that it is hard. Good luck x

Mags1

Hi happy person, glad you found SR and that you're ok.

There's lots of help and support here, I come here most days, and lots of nights, if I wake in the middle of.

I've been sober just over 5 months and quite honestly, visiting SR has given me freedom of speech, friendship and most of all help and support.