reflection

Hi everyone. I'm on month two of no drinking. Mostly, I am feeling physically good - no real urges to drink (thinking about how I am when I've had too much certainly helps with that!).

The real challenge is sitting with the emotional stuff. Most of my drinking was about fitting in, loneliness, boredom and a need to connect with others. Now that I'm not drinking, it feels a little like it's come full-circle: I'm at a place where trying to find others who don't think I'm a "freak" because I don't drink (what is up with the social stigma of drinking? yeesh!) and as a result, feel a bit of a hole in my heart. I know part of this is the process and coming to terms with feelings I've been pushing down for so many years, but sometimes it's hard to sit with and to not beat myself up and to feel like I'll ever fit in again -- and really understand what that even means.

Part of this, too, is that from the outside it still looks like my life is skating along a-ok (and it is, for the most part) - I've still got my job, house, friends, still love to do the things I always did (minus the imbibing, of course). For drinking to fit in, I really kept a lot of it a big secret...so much that my friends and family don't really know how often I was doing it. Sure, some saw me smashed in public, but not every or all the time. For years I did my drinking at home, in private with my wine bottle security blanket.

I know this will pass, I mainly just wanted to connect with a group who knows where I'm at and who have been there - or are there. Thanks so much for your support.

KateL

I hope you can make some friends who don't drink, having said that there are many people who do drink but have no problem whatsoever with those who do. Boredom is a luxury as my old dad says although it can toss a lot of emotions around when you have too much time with yourself. I hope you aren't too lonely for too long and aside from that, your life sounds like it's on an even keel which is wonderful xx

waterboy68

I can relate with you reflections. I too got off the elevator at mid level before bottoming out completely and losing everything. I am also two months in and still struggling with no social life outside of wife and kids (which is not a bad thing) just have not been with any guy friends (all of which drink socially) just to hang out and do what we do…I have isolated and really has left me feeling out of touch. I find myself questioning my decision at times which is scary as well. However, after being on here and reading posts from those who are much further along, who have experienced where we presently are in our recovery, they keep reinforcing the FACT it will get better. That is what I keep turning back to when the dark side keeps tempting me to return to the old ways… Good Luck to you and hang in there.

Dee74

I promise that everything works out...none of us would stay in recovery if it didn't

I found new friends, and reconnected with old ones, where the focal point wasn't alcohol...I was lonely all my life too...but I found that was really me not liking myself and not wanting to be in my own company....I've grown comfortable with myself and I don;t feel lonely anymore...and bored? who's got time to be bored?

it'll work out reflection

D

Finnie

I was thinking about this tonight too. I got to thinking... If I drink socially after a certain number of drinks I am no longer socialising. I am drinking.every time.

The people I want to connect with, the sensible ones who have one too many and then stop. Or who never have too many drinks.

I figure I am closer socially to them if I don't drink than if I do drink. They would have more respect for the sober me than the drunk me. I just need confidence.

genoparis

I think you have hit the nail squarely on the head. Your drinking was a security blanket and that's been taken away - that is really, really hard. A lot of us used alcohol to escape from something and now need to face that something stone cold sober. I hope you can take comfort from knowing that you are amongst friends here who know what you are going through.