somedumbkid

I'm 21, and I have been a drinker since I was 14. I have been an "every weekend drinker" since I was 16. Around 19 or so I left home for university and developed mid social awkwardness and anxiety.

I think around this time I started using alcohol to cope with this anxiety and I have spent EVERY weekend since I was 19 getting blacked out on the weekends. Usually just friday and Saturday but the occasional Thursday. But when I black out I screw up big time. I do horrible things, say things I really shouldn't to people, break things, lose things, spend tons of money, etc.

the friends that I have left know me as that guy that always gets way too messed up at parties and stuff. If I don't find a party on the weekend I sometimes drink by myself. I don't know the last time I went a full week without drinking.

No matter what I try to cut back never works out. I might have a few nights of success and then its right back to the way it was. I want to stop so bad but I just cant for some reason. Everytime I promise myself im done it lasts 5-6 days at most.

Additionally, I am starting to do large amounts of drugs while drinking. Mainly coke, but I do prescription anxiety pills, ADD medication, basically whatever I can get. I once took 1500mg of caffeine pills.

Anyway, i'm kind of starting to realize that I cant keep going through 20+ drinks, a gram of coke, five red bulls, and a pack of cigs in a night and expect to live much longer.

Whats most concerning is I have reason to believe I tried to kill myself while blacked out a few weeks ago. I wont get into the details, but I think I really need help. I have no idea what to do. I DONT WANT TO DIE!!

I don't know who to turn to. my parents are already ASHAMED of me for some of the stuff of done. Which really hurts because I am an amazing good hearted person when im sober. I don't even know how I could tell them how bad things have really gotten.

I don't know where to turn

Thoughts would be great.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum!! . . . yeah I agree, that nightly menu is not going to end well!

You'll find plenty of support here, people that are going through or have gone through similar experiences.

It all starts with a Day 1, but you have to WANT to be sober!! . . . I think deep down you do, and so let yourself take that leap of faith into the unknown and begin the journey!!

somedumbkid

Thank you!!

I want to be sober more than anything!! I miss everything about it. I just don't know why I keep falling into the same patterns. its like I cant freaking say no to a drink and I don't have ANY friends who aren't heavy drinkers which really doesn't help

Dee74

Hi and welcome SDK

I don't think you're dumb at all - but I think you need to make some changes to your life.
Support really helps...but if you're still surrounding yourself with drink and drugs & the people that use them it's going to be a very hard road to quitting - y'know?

D

PaulPencoed

Hi, my name is Paul. I am an alcoholic and chemically dependent.

Not long ago there is NO WAY I would have admitted that. But now I understand that I have an illness. I am not simply a weak-willed or bad person.

When I take a drink or drug, I set off a craving for more. I hardly ever have any real control over how much I take, once I take the first.

If I am not drinking or using I have a mental obsession which, if left unchecked, will eventually drive me back to it.

I was in complete despair and could not see any way out. Life was REALLY bad and I too tried to kill myself once when drunk.

I would never say if I thought you had this illness. I was never told, but came to understand and identify with others by attending A.A. and N.A. meetings.

I have been going for over two years and can honestly say it is the best thing I have ever done.

I would recommend giving it a go, just to see if it is for you.

Something from the A.A. 'Big Book':

“If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking, you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic.”
(Alcoholics Anonymous, Chapter 4, Page 44.)

It might just save your life, and give you a new way to live.

Good luck.

Petecrab

Hey mate. Welcome. Sounds like you know what to do its just doing it is the hard part. Don't worry about friends being heavy drinkers. Doesn't mean you have to. Cutting the alcohol out will help cutting the other stuff out. Come on here and post at hard times. It helps. Maybe join gym to if you haven't already. Also, think of the money you will save!!

Hevyn

Welcome somedumbkid.

I agree with Dee - you are far from dumb. It takes courage & strength to admit you have a problem & reach out for help. I wish I had in my 20's - but I had many more years of hell to get through before I let go of it. You sound positive and determined. We know you can do this. Glad to have you join the family.

KateL

Stick around here and try to find some answers. There is so much information and advice available. I will say one thing however. You are so brave, insightful and wise to seek help at 21. I wish I had. I waited until I was 45, but still, if I did it, you certainly can xxx

mdw

I agree with all of the above but I also think you should see and speak with your doctor.

somedumbkid

I apologize if this sounds rude but what exactly could/would my doctor do or tell me?

Do you mean just to see what kind of damage ive done to my body already? or would he refer me to therapy and counseling

somedumbkid

Also thank you all for the encouraging words!! really put a smile on my face

mdw

All of the above and can also prescribe medication in case of/to help with withdrawal symptoms.

Anna

Most of us here have done things we seriously regret when we were caught up in drinking. I know that I became a person I hated. But, you don't have to go through that again. You can stop drinking and I'm glad you've found us here at SR.

Leana

SomeKid (sorry, I won't add the dumb part).

I am a mom of a 23 year old alcoholic and drug user. Today she is sober 101 days. Some of her history is not good and I certainly can't say that I have always been proud of her choices. BUT and this is a big BUT...I love my child. When she came to us 101 days ago and told us she was in trouble (yet again) I told her that it was either inpatient rehab or she was on her own. I had to get tough with this kid because I was not going to sit back and watch her kill herself. She went.

Today her life is a lot different. She lost her apartment and is back living with us. Even though she has a college degree (and was working on her graduate degree), she is now working at a retail shop making minimum wage. She spends every evening going to AA meetings (in fact she is at a meeting right now). Was this what I expected my life to be like? No. Did I expect that we would still supporting her at her age? No. But I also have to say that I COULDN'T BE PROUDER of her and the hard work she has done over the past 101 days.

Give your parents a chance. BUT, you need to be serious. We told our daughter that if she was looking at us for a way out of her trouble but not willing to do the work on the real problem, then we were not willing to help. She went into rehab ready to change and we support that change. Are you serious about sobriety? If so, take a chance and go to your parents. They may surprise you. They may not. But you wont know until you try. Good luck.

TucTee

This. You have to change your environment because you will always be enticed if you're with others who all drink or use. If not enticed, feeling ostracized because you're not doing what your friends are doing. Change your social group and you'll see benefits rapidly, I'll bet.

Mountainmanbob

you might want to call AAA central and find local AA meeting they have helped many a person to get sober

least

I don't think you're dumb, just young and with a serious problem. It's a wise choice to give it up now before it ruins your whole life. Give it up now and you'll have fewer regrets when you get older.