KGSS

Hello all.
Does anyone have any ideas that can help me deal with the fact that my husband doesn't know how to help me with my drinking problem? He doesn't understand that I have a problem with it, he is a social drinker, he has an off switch. When I asked him to stop drinking just for the first couple weeks he got upset and said he would but he didn't like it and he said he isn't the one with the problem so why does he have to suffer. He doesn't drink every day, maybe once a week, one or two drinks. But I don't want it around me in the beginning. Am I asking to much? Any advice welcome.

hypochondriac

I don't think you are asking too much, but that tends to be the attitude many others take. I had this situation when my mother came to visit me in early recovery. I told her after I had been sober for a few months and she rushed down to visit but came armed with her own supply of booze. It was the first time alcohol had been in my house since I quit and it made me very uncomfortable. Worse still she left the empties by the back door for me to clean up. When I brought it up before her next visit her response was exactly the same...'why should we have to suffer for your problem?'.

I have known others whose family have been more supportive and others whose family have been even less supportive. One person I know was detoxing at home while her partner drank every night. Ultimately I am not sure it makes much difference to how we recovery. If anything the variety of experience shows that it is possible to recover no matter what the circumstance. Of course there are things that will make it easier. If you don't want it around you early on then you could consider rehab as an option. But then you will have to deal with his drinking when you come out.

Welcome to SR though! This is a great place for support. I was glues to this place when my mother came to visit that time. I am sure you will find it will help you x

cheebiechi

You are certainly not asking to much, there are a lot of reads out there that would help him understand why you should not have alcohol around you at this point and maybe at any point in your recovery. Check out the Hazelden website, I am pretty sure the have articles on the alcoholic returning home. My wife has stopped completely and she is a "normy".

least

to SR! I wish you well in your journey to sobriety. We offer a lot of support here. Take advantage of it.

bi11fish

I needed to remove myself --- I would go to an AA meeting or support group of some kind. The problem was not my wife it was ME and I needed to change not try to change the people around me.

flutter

We went through this too. Ultimately alcohol was removed from the house for a good month, and DH would go out maybe once a week for a beer or two (who does that!?). While it would have been ideal in my world for him never to drink again or have alcohol in the house, it just wasn't realistic. Heck, it wasn't even necessary to be honest. I know it'd be nice if alcohol would just disappear from existence once we quit, but it's possible to stay quit and to recover with it present. If he must continue drinking, do you think he'd agree to keep it away from the house?

doggonecarl

So he thinks quitting for a couple of weeks is suffering? Interesting choice of words. He may have an off switch, but the idea of abstinence troubles him.

Maybe quitting for a little while will be enlightening for him. Give him a little more insight to what you are going through.

hokey

Hi KG, welcome to SR. You are not asking too much, he doesn't have to understand but hopefully will respect the things that you need to do to get and stay sober. Maybe suggest that he come on SR and check out the family forum?

Dee74

Sometimes the support we want at home just isn't there - it's difficult but not a dealbreaker....that's why we have places like SR and things like AA and other recovery groups

I hope you'll check out other avenues of support KGSS. We can't control what others choose to do but we can make the right decisions for ourselves

KateL

My first husband didn't have a clue, that's probably why I got away with it for so long. When I did try to explain he treated me like a leper and threw me out. I went reluctantly at first, but am glad I did now. Mind you he was the other end of the scale. It is hard for spouses in any scenario, some are more understanding than others. I'm sure if you ask him nicely he will help.

Leana

I didn't ask my family or my friends to stop drinking when I made my decision to stop. It was what I was doing for myself. They didn't have the problem I did. To this day I can go to a bar and I have no problem drinking non-alcoholic drinks. We even went on vacation to an all-inclusive just months after I made my sober decision and I didn't drink even though almost everyone around me drank 24/7. They supported me in other ways but I just didn't feel I had the right to ask them to do that.

KGSS

Thanks for all the replies and advice. I am not sure how things will turn out but I am going to remain positive.
Thanks again.